|She comes from a background of abuse. Some time ago I had asked her to write about it. This was hard for her, but, it looks like she was able to break through the difficulty and talk about it. She paints a picture of an abusive victim. And, she takes responsibility! Here's Geri's story:|
“These past few months have been a revelation to me with my abuse issues. Nine years ago my hubby and I stated going to a therapist for our marriage. The main reason we started was that we knew we deeply loved each other and wanted to work out our ailing relationship, but we didn't know how to deal with the deep-set abuse that was happening in our lives. Set up by years of bad modeling by both of our parents, we just didn't know any other way to function with each other.
It has taken no less than nine years for the therapy to kick in! (Better late than never!) I was always blaming my man and wishing that if he would just change, I'd be fine. One of the biggest problems that I’ve had in my life was that every time I got PMS or “pack my stuff”, my anger would come out. It was crippling my recovery and was abusive to my husband. He went through a fearful time every month wondering when it would “get scary again”. I’ve spent years trying to get to the bottom of this dangerous behavior. My therapist told me it was the nail in the coffin of my marriage if I didn't find a better way to deal with my anger. I was terrified of this out of control behavior and this was what got me to darken the door of my 12 step group for my eating disorders five years ago.
The 12 step program not only taught me to be abstinent from eating binge foods but to be abstinent from destructive behaviors. I was able to stop with the 12 step work and support. I learned it was a typical thing for addicts to get into “the runners mode” when life got painful - hence the self medication with ones drug of choice.
Three months ago, after much soul searching and prayer, the day finally came that I was able to pinpoint what was driving me to this. I should be honest with what I’m feeling in the moment . If I don’t, I build up a patchwork quilt of resentment and before you know it, PMS hits and I’m off and running doing the very thing I don’t want to do. I also simply realized that I didn't need to take abuse anymore from anyone and the reason I was striking out every month, when my female testosterone gave me permission, was that I was angry with every one who was subtly trying to control me.
During our last session, my counselor told me to either remove myself from the room, turn away slightly with my body language or just say “this is so not me ..” and walk away when others said or did something that I felt was verbally abuse. Another thing that changed for me was the realization that I chose to be the victim and I could refuse to be one. Your counselor taught you some good skills; your counselor also taught you about personal responsibility. Yippeee!
Life is too short and too precious to carry the weight of being downtrodden and guilty about everybody else's issues. I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier and more at peace in my life. And this has been the best change in my recovery journey ever.”
I just want to read the posts.