Comments for Narcissists & Women

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyright© 1998-2001. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com 

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 15, 2001

S1

I would seriously like to know if the Dr. thinks Narcisstic traits are non-gender specific, i.e, can a woman also be Narcisstic? Being of the male gender, I have experienced many of the traits listed here from my female ex-partner, especially seeing love and tenderness as a weakness, sadistically and manipulatively frustrating the partner by taking sick pleasure in rejecting acts of love and caring, and just about everything here. Dr. Irene, what do you believe? Personally, I think that women can be Narcissists also, and I think Dr. Sam's constant referral to the Narcissist being male is misleading. W.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 15, 2001

S1

I have found these series of articles to be fascinating, enlightening and truly affirming. My ex. has/had a very dysfunctinal relationship with his mother (per my experiences and observations and his occassional comments about her). Also, over the past year, my counselor (very wisely) diagnosed my ex. as a "narcissist". This series of articles has helped me "fillin the missing pieces" as well as confirm the many "suspicions" I had about my ex. during the 22 yrs. we were together.

FYI-the websites indicated above are apparently invalid...tried to reach them but got message back about possible incorrect URL.

Please keep writing these articles....so helpful, even now, more than a year into our separation, but also in trying to understand his horrendous behaviors towards me, incongruous behaviors with his "girlfriend", his own family and our children during our divorce process.....a mean and vindictive trail he continues to pursue!

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, March 16, 2001

S1

Thank you so very much for this article. I am not able to put into words the levels and depth this article reached. I do not cry easily at all. I broke into tears while reading about the intentional frustration that goes on, and the abstention of these type of people. I finally understand many things. I have grown so much this evening. It felt like someone had been observing my marriage and wrote exactly what was seen in a nutshell, but they let me see inside the head of my narcissist spouse so I could understand why so many things happened.

This article has brought together 2 years of self learning and brief couples counseling. Things I didn't quite understand are so much more clear (one of those light bulb moments).

It does not seem there is a high likelihood of change or recovery for a 50 year old narcissist.

I want to thank Dr. Vaknin for his to the point, specific information and insight, and Dr. Irene for sharing his work to us.

JoJo

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, March 18, 2001

S1

I feel like the great lightbulb in the sky has been switched on. I am happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I have been able to see someone confirm what I have believed to be true, and sad that this is truly the case. I would like to see an article as to what if anything can be done once you realize that a person is indeed a narcissist. I realize if you are a partner you can leave but about if you are the narcissist themself? Was this person born a narcissist, did they develop into a narcissist, is it something one can stop being if they recognize they are one? These are the questions I can't seem to find answers to. Does this mean that these people are doomed to be this way their whole life and there is no hope to have a normal life with them. How about a narcissist anonomous group? I'm serious, I would really like to have the answers to these questions.

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, March 19, 2001

S1

Identify with all of these. When we were not as close, he was sexually open, the "closer" we got, the longer we were together, he became emotionally and sexually distant. He has simple, not unpleasant, very normal sexual "fetish" that he was open about until we were together for about 1 1/2 years and then he became more and more closed, especially the more open I became. I was "punished" by him withdrawing physically as well as emotionally. I had never met a man who became less and less interested in sex and more and more defensive about everything. He would not just "punish" me by withholding physical closness, but by refusing to talk, or turning off his phones, and then blaming me. I discussed it with girlfriends who had never heard of it before, so I thought I was alone until now...glad I am out of the situation even though it hurts so much. I am tired of feeling crazy and unwanted.

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, April 01, 2001

S1

OH help? I don't think I want to comment but I found him in this one! jay

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, June 03, 2001

S1

this is so true. everything that's stated here is the man that i'm in love with. it's so hard being in love with a cerebral narcissist. i know that he's controlling. i try to fight, but am i doing wrong? should i be trying to "argue" in his terms and thus succeeding in his recovery? should i be "defensive" when in fact he has made me that way and i am only defensive with him? do i really love him or am i just being "manipulated" into it? should i continue my "relationship" and eventually have children that will also have to fear him? i am a very strong woman and i pride myself in my patience and progress that i've already made with him, but if i continue, will it only get worse? how do i get to spend the rest of my life with him, which i want so badly, and still be able to be happy and heal him gently? HELP.... :(

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 10, 2002

S1

What are the top ten signs of a naricisisst so that I can run the other way?

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, August 12, 2002

S1

Wow this story sounds so familiar, the scary thing is I see this attitude toward women being played out in pop culture, rap music, even rock music. Another scary thing I've read articles about some young male actors who have reputations for being player, love em and leave em types and I wonder if this is narcissism as well. Melissa in Michigan (p.s. your site is awesome)

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, October 09, 2002

S1

I just recently got "dumped" by what I came to understand was in the truest of forms, a narcissist. He lives in California and I'm in Washington state. Since the distance may or may not be the issue, I simply just thought to ask him if he was still interested in having a monogomous relationship. This set up the next three months to him, "getting even." The first month was the one of silence. It was this silent treatment that flags most definately were all around. The last two months were ones of intentionally causing me unnecessary grief. I had of course ignored the stinging critical remarks and intentional attempts to hurt me. But I came unglued when he said to me a few weeks ago, (after I commented on what his problem was) "Apparently," it was his "injury" that I caused him back in June that he claims was the very thing he cannot forgive me for and wasn't going to forget. I'm a model, it's a career and it's what he finds also to be a disturbance when he feels threatened by other men. I could talk til I was blue in the face...and we all know it's to no avail. The question I have is, because he broke it off, am I less or more likely to have this man making future appearances in my life, and is distance just a technicallity to them? Thanks for the readings. :)

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, January 18, 2003

S1

I have been reading about narcissism for 36 hours straight, I've been online all day and night and am overwhelmed at how exactly this describes my current boyfriend. I understand everything you and Dr Sam have said, I've read practically his entire site. But my boyfriend loves sex with me. He wants sex and often several times a night (on weekends). In the beginning my pleasure was not important to him but now he is extremely caring, warm, recently he has been holding my face and looking deeply into my eyes as he pounds away, or kissing me extendedly, passionately, softly, warmly, while we are having intercourse. He holds my face in his hands and kisses me, holds me tight afterwards, it's warming up really nicely, I couldn't ask for more in the sack. But it seems to go against everything I've read here. I don't think he hates me, he definitely, definitely is a narcissis by every means explained, to a T. But sex is a wonderful, warm, heavenly experience that I look forward to, and never initiate. He ALWAYS does. Help? emailto: cybilzane@yahoo.com Thank ya