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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

"Hissssss" to You Too!

"Hissssssss" To You Too!

"Everyday ask yourself the question, 'Do I want to experience 
Peace of Mind or do I want to experience Conflict?" - Gerald Jampolsky

April 4, 2000; Updated January 8, 2000

 Could you find and use some other terms aside from 'Abuser/Victim'? Is that too PC to ask? Maybe. I've used "angry person" and "codependent," but I get flack for that too. What's a shrink to do?

Also, is there a way you could make the site more 'Tool Time Tim Taylor' friendly for many of us men with the whole 'Machismo' crisis of even confronting and dealing with the Abuser moniker, not to mention smarmy kittys? Uuughghg!!! "Smarmy kitties?" Ugh is right! Trubble took great offense at your labeling and is sticking it's tongue out at you as we write (Trubble edits). Trubble also has a message for you: "Hisssssssssss."

Other than that, I really enjoy the site and have found it amazingly accurate in describing many of my tendencies and how to deal with and change them. Good for you for looking inside and using the info! Thanks for the help. I can really see many in my Family gaining benefit from your site. I just helped my sister get out of a the immediate situation of an abusive 15 year relationship. What was strange is that I saw my own behaviors in her husband's. Chilling!!!!  

But she's trying to get to a point where they can be together again. Maybe this site can help them both. It is especially difficult for them because of their 'Biblical' brainwashing. They are both at odds over their vehement interpretations of 'The biblical role of a wife, Mother or woman and that of the husband, Father or MAN.' Look at it this way, if their conflict wasn't hung on a biblical hat, it would just find another hook. It's not the topic area per se, it's the underlying interaction that is the issue. Good luck to them.

As a Buddhist of 20 years, I have to side w/the more healthy interpretation of 'Biblical Equality' and Mutual Submission of '...One to Another.'

So thanks again, G  And thank you! Dr. Irene

 March 4, 2000

Hi again Doc, and Trubble,

Thanks very much for your lovely reply. Please give Trubble a rub, tickle or chase and some 'nip for me as an apology. Meeowwrrrppprrrpppprrrr! OK. All is forgiven.

(Boy do I feel silly...but sincere.) I am just lashing out and labeling as an old defense mechanism for what 'Trubbles' me; that which I have only just seen, and not yet broken. So are you telling me, a 'Cat' has enough sense and know how to set up a 'Boundary' defense against the likes of me? Well, good for Trubble. I will try and toss out that outmoded 'label maker' and see Trubble's example in others, before I reach for the labeler! :)

What really brings me to you is my former wife. She and I have both been searching for the tools you have, so we could repair our relationship as 'Parents', 'People' and 'Friends', to work together to finish bringing up our lovely daughters so they too are healthy and happy.

She found you first, and has graciously waited and encouraged till I was ready to come around, while she got busy for herself.

She and I have been having a precious e-dialogue the last couple of weeks, and just this weekend I had an Emotional Kerfuffle just out of the blue, that I knew she could help with. Lately, I knew she had made some significant turn around in her emotional Life but didn't know how she did it. (She shared, but I didn't want to look then.) She has been wise in not beating me over the head w/it. :) So, now, I hope I too am ready and don't flake out as in the past. Me too!

Thanks so much for your quick, kind and lovely reply, G 

P.S. of Course, my five siblings and Mother all suffer as I do (Dad did too, but passed this last Summer.), to varying degrees, any hints on how to share with them? Why not start by sending them this url?

January 5, 2001

Hi Doctor Irene, (and Trubble): Hi G!

You graciously posted my comments last year on the 'Hissss to you too'
site. I have made it my homepage so I am always reminded that I still
have work to do. Thanks again!!

I recently wrote and had published an article about my abusive nature
and marital experience in my Buddhist Newspaper. I wanted to send you and original copy via the mail as a gesture of deep appreciation.

Since being published many friends have commented positively.

Of course, I am still on the path to recovery and learning new things
all along. For example, as I was working on the article, my eldest
daughter admitted to me that she had started smoking. I went right into a manipulative 'withholding' pattern. Fortunately, my former wife shot me right out of it.

I find that as I genuinely struggle with my self, I am often put in a
position to share and reach out to others. I try as often as I can, even
though I doubt my own progress or others perceptions of it. You know; if you're not 100% cured, how can you help anyone else. But I have to
believe that it is double edged, that my helping another gives me
insight, tools and strength to help myself.

Anyway, could you please forward a P.O. box or physical address that I can send the article to.

Thanks a million, G

Dear G,

Wow! I am delighted to accept your publication and look forward to reading it.  What a wonderful Holiday gift!  Letters like yours make my day, week, year...

Trubble wants to say "Hi" too:

Hi G,

Glad to hear you can snap out of it so fast! That means one day I'll be
fixed too, uh... well... not "fixed," but you know what I mean...

Oh yeah, my yukky mommy said she thinks it's great that you teach what you've learned; that it reinforces your own lessons and you learn from your teaching. That's why she's got me writing this letter. (Difference between me and you is I'm so cute and furry, I can get away with it, most of the time.) Hehehe!




 
And a million thanks to YOU!

Irene

January 8, 2001

Oh Trubble:

Thanks for the page Update; but HOW am I possibly supposed to maintain my cat hating persona with you doing things like this...rrrgghhh! I'm all choked up...I feel like I've swallowed a hairball now...hack...patew!! (Allright, I'm 'sitting' w/how I feel.)

Friends and Family I introduce to the Site via this link, may now think I have a softer more snuggable side.

You will see my pic when I send my article to you!

Just don't PhotoShop us...together!!! Then what will people think?

Love...er uh...'Salutations of the day', G     

   Hehehehe!