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Doc@DrIrene.com

Who Says The Abuser Is More Stable

Who Says The Abuser Is More Stable!

 
To: 'Dr. Irene' <dr_irene@drirene.com>
Sent: Monday, October 25, 1999 10:39 AM
Subject: What's a Judge to Do?


I was very bothered by this e-mail correspondence, just had to write. Who says that the abuser is more stable than the abused, excuse me?  I can see this might be true in an isolated case or two, but to generalize this notion is bad, bad, bad. 

My abuser can get the kids to mind quicker than I can, does this make him more stable, and a more worthy parent?  No, this is because they are more afraid of him.  They are scared of being led by the hair across the room, or screamed at, or hit.  Abusers are notoriously impatient and short-tempered, is this a better atmosphere for children?  I have seen children taken from their mothers more and more, and I think in most cases it is a mistake.  OK, I'm a mother, I'm biased.  I'm also a step mom (my husband has custody of his children by a first marriage), and that makes me biased too.  I've seen first hand the consequences of children being raised by an abuser, instead of their mother, who happened to be the victim.

My apologies if I mistook the tone of this letter, but I hope there are not many in the legal profession who feel this way.

Penny

Dear Penny,

Slow down! You are misinterpreting what you are reading because you are too emotional! You missed the point of the exchange!

The attorney is commenting on the dilemma the Courts face every day, and is using the example you are referring to as an example (see Delaney and you will understand why). She is not advocating any position! 

We're all on the same side, OK?

Dr. Irene