How to get Dr. Irene's Advice: Look here!

Ask The Doc Board

The CatBox Archives

 

(Archives)

4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

A Verbal Abuse Parable

A Verbal Abuse Parable 

Dr. Irene,
This may seem done over many times for some, but for me at 38, I had never heard this story before. WOW, what an impact. I remember my Mom saying things like, "Think before you speak" or "Its not what you say, its the way you say it". Well those words didn't take hold of me in my youth. BUT, I feel if this story was shared with me, just maybe it would put things into perspective (maybe not). Maybe this will help someone see instantly, what partners are expressing and that were not hearing. Hope you like. I've also recently shared this with my girls, 9 and 14. Their Mom has a quick fuse, and maybe this will shed some light for them, and her. Thanx  - Wild Willie

 

The Fence


There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.  His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every  time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. 

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.  Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.  He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.  

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.  He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.  You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.  It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.  A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

And as we all know too well, even worse. Its never forgotten, only sometimes forgiven.