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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Update to "Where Is My Anger?"

Update to "Where is My Anger"

See Roberta's original email here.

December, 1999

Dear Dr. Irene,

I come back to your site every week, to read the updates and new stuff. I am amazed at how much love and effort this site took, and what a significant difference this site makes to so many people whose lives have been touched by abuse. Thank you so much for taking the time and emotional energy it must take to keep this site going ! You are making a difference in many, many lives.

Thank you, thank you, and again - thank you, Roberta

 

Dear Roberta,
Thank you for the kind feedback. I'm going thru the site now making revisions. Your letter prompted me to go back to your page where I made some minor changes. Check it out.

Best wishes for a wonderful 2000. Dr. Irene

Ps: are you beginning to recognize that you do have (appropriate) anger? can you see the difference between anger & rage - we don't want you raging!

Sent: Monday, January 03, 2000 9:17 AM
Subject: Thank you

 Dear Dr. Irene,

I just got back from vacation, and found your e-mail. Thanks !!

As to the matter of anger - I'm still not very able at feeling, recognizing, and showing anger - appropriate or otherwise - but I am literally working on it. I've started therapy again. GOOD!

It has become clear to me that I am unable to set boundaries - for myself and others. I think this has a lot to do with the anger issue. You bet!!! ("Trample on my space if you really need to. I care about you enough that I will deal with it. After all, its only me.")

I deny my anger or feel very guilty about it, instead of realizing that my anger is a healthy sign that tells me "Stop! your boundaries are being infringed upon". But I do so hate to feel anger. It's like someone is pouring acid down my stomach! Somebody taught you anger was an awful thing to be avoided at all costs. This is where reeducating yourself in therapy is essential.

I also have a very (VERY) hard time in trusting my emotions and "gut-instincts". I usually assume that my feelings are wrong, and that there is a very logical explanation to why I am feeling these ("wrong") gut feelings. Good!
It is essential to know these things about yourself.

I am just now starting to learn , first, to acknowledge my gut instincts Right or wrong, they
deserve recognition. If I ignore them, I get terrible binge eating episodes, so I really have no choice anymore (LOL!) -  but, if appropriate - to act upon them. Wow!

The good new is, I am working very hard at it in therapy, this time with a woman therapist.
I have left my abusive SO, and have flatly (but politely) refused to take him back. It was actually
amazing to see this proud , vain man ask for a second chance. To think I so desperately needed his approval, in the past!

I hope I have learned my lesson, and that I will never, never  allow anyone to abuse me again. I
Hope I will be able to let you know some really good news in the months to come. Great!  

And again - thank you so much for helping me realize I have a problem, and what the solution to this problem is. It really was so much help, at a time I really needed it most.

Warmest regards, Roberta

Warmest regards to you Roberta. Thanks for your update. You give hope and inspiration to people who haven't yet made their moves.  Dr. Irene

See Roberta's June 2000 update here.