February 16, 2000
After 17 yrs of being abused, I
divorced my husband. Then, about three months later, one of his friends
called and asked for his old girlfriend by name. I told them they
had the wrong number, but I knew immediately she was with him. And I
realized, it wasn't finished for me. I thought he was having the idyllic
relationship with her that I'd longed for.
I wasn't ready to let him or
my hopes go. I had thought he would realize what he was losing and make
changes. I called him. It wasn't long before he sent the girlfriend
packing and moved back home.
For three months, things seemed to
have changed. Then they got worse. I had given him more to hurt me with:
I was the "ultimate manipulator" for trying to make him change
by divorcing him. I had "forced" him to turn to another woman.
I was the "primary parent" anytime something came up with the
kids. It took me nine more months to build up the courage to make
He didn't leave voluntarily. I had
to have the Sheriff's Dept come out and make him leave. He
called 40 times in the next 24 hours. He even called my Mom long
distance to have her ask me to call him. During that 24 hours
I got a temporary restraining order. When we went to court, they made it
a permanent order for protection. It allows for absolutely "No
contact" - not even through third parties.
I have caller ID on the phone
and have put call block on all his friends numbers, so they can't call
me by "mistake" again. It's hard, especially when we
have to exchange the kids for visitation. He says nasty things to the
kids about me when he has them. I don't respond. I am finished this
time. He won't get the chance to push my buttons again.
I'm going to counseling, and reading
everything I can about abusive relationships. I thought abuse was only
physical violence. Boy am I learning! I don't want to live out my life
alone, but I realize I have to get healthy before I can begin a new
relationship. Thank You for your website!
Thank you - and
best wishes for each day of the rest of your life. Dr. Irene
Ps: I emailed you
to let you know you were published, but your address bounced!