Sent: Tuesday, June 29, 1999 12:43 AM
Subject: the greatest!!!
Thank you so much for this site!!!! It is amazing how much you have
touched on that is my life. I can not imagine trying to put into
words what my life has been like. And here you have done it for me. I hope
you will keep it up.
And thank you so much for your praise!
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 1999 2:07 PM
Dear Dr. Irene,
WOW what a wonderful website!! In between trips to my counselor this is the perfect spot
to go. Just the validation I need. Thank you for yesterdays advice about not
needing approval. forget where I got it off your website but it has galvanized me into
action. I have always checked with my husband first before almost any expenditure
over 30 dollars or so thinking my relationship was a mutual one, well...he didn't ask me
the other day before he bought golf clubs. Why am I looking for approval to buy
things I NEED like slippers and a sleep wear that are worn out? I like being more
responsible for my own care! I have been married 20 years. About the first of March
I came down with severe muscle tension headaches that were making me throw up after trying
to budget with my husband. I knew something was wrong but thought I just didn't like my
husbands problems solving skills. (I still don't.) Asked for marriage counseling again
after getting a marriage counselor who wouldn't SEE my husband last year. ( I quit him.)
My family doctor has come through with flying colors, with what must the best
counselor in town. She had me read The Verbally Abusive Relationship-by Patricia Evans. It
was like going to the mechanic for a flat tire and having the mechanic tell you your frame
is broken and a little piece of it is hanging down and ripping the tires off. maybe not
the best analogy but that little piece hanging down is my husband and the frame is my
marriage and it is wrecked, possibly totaled. That's all I can do but ask for change, I
hate feeling helpless but I can't change him, he has to change himself. I am going
back to school this fall and taking the displaced homemakers program because I haven't
worked in 18 years. Can't believe at 46 I'm going to be starting over. I've fixed
wonderful canines who just needed a break and it's been very fun and profitable
along with my house which has been fun too!! But I am in over my head on this one.
The problem is the headaches left me with depression that I am just now coming out
of. I have stopped most but not all my husbands abuse. Am I gonna HAVE the energy
for school this fall? Or is this taking on too much to soon. My counselor says sign
up no matter what, if you fail it's because of the depression. Economically I want
independence is this enough? Also for anyone else out there reading this, the
depression was helped a lot by getting to church, it lightens my spirit every time I go.
Praise GOD. Psalm 29 is perfect for those being abused. Also praying for help won't get
you in as much financial trouble as your prayer will. Thank you!!!
And thank you for the kind
feedback! I love it when people claim their power!
Another power tip: Its time to be
easy on yourself. I agree with your counselor: sign up for school no matter what. So what
if you excel, do awful, or even flunk out - its time to allow yourself to be, to
let your being unfold, and to celebrate the perfectly imperfect life that God gifted
My very best wishes to you as you
enter the very best years of your life.
Date: May 19, 1999
Dear Dr. Irene,
I have been in a relationship with a man for eight years. At first we were so in
love. As the years have gone by, he has become very controlling. He displays
several of the symptoms you describe in the web site (I keep thinking you've been to my
house!) He is an alcoholic and every time he "falls of the wagon" he is very
remorseful - "I'll never do it again, give me one more chance". And I do.
And he slips up again. Over and over. It seems that just when things
are going well, he gets drunk and verbally abusive (physically sometimes). Last
night, I came home from work and found that he had been drinking. He knows how
nervous I get when he doesn't work and he assured my that everything would be ok and it
had been for a while. I accused him of drinking and he denied it. This was
finally the last straw. After my 8 year old son ran out of the house because of the
arguing, I told him that I would take him to a hotel or anywhere he wished but he needed
to leave. He would not so I called the police and had him removed. (He took all the
money with him) This was the last time I will ever trust him. I will not allow
him to control me ever again. I am seeing a counselor and had a visit with her
today. I am stronger than ever before and this feels so "right".
Yes, I am sad but I am also extremely happy.
Thank you for your web site. The information has been invaluable to me as I just
found it today and it has re-affirmed my decision and taken most of the blame away.
I will probably continue to read certain parts every day (just to keep reminding myself of
the horrible existence I have been living lately).
And Thank you Corinne,
I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Just in case you need a little encouragement: I
find a tremendous correlation between addiction and anger addiction and am surprised the
anger literature is not integrated more with the recovery community - but then again, much
of this is about the politics of the various professions. There is however a demonstrated
association between drinking and violence. Take care of yourself and your child.
My warmest regards, Dr. Irene
Sent: Monday, May 17, 1999 2:10 AM
Male or female? It's funny, I read your site, and can't decide if your female or male.
Anyone could name their site a female name. In "Sitting with
your feelings," you say that you could be a jerk, or a prince. Females are
princesses. The ironic part is that it doesn't matter. What you discuss on your web site
is a human thing, not a gender thing.
Thank you for giving me a "sane" place to go to each day. I am going through
hell, but I feel myself getting stronger each day because of a very special human that
"got it." Please keep on updating your site.
Thank you, Marie
Thanks for the kind feedback.
You are 100% on target - its not whether you are male or female - we are
By the way, I am a woman. You can read a little about me on my resume
Best regards, Dr. Irene
Date: 2/12/1999 7:32:08 AM Eastern Standard Time
To: Dr. Irene
Thanks for your site. I visited a therapist yesterday. Your website
confirmed her diagnosis. God bless you and thanks for the information.
For The Dr.
Date: 2/16/1999 2:20:20 PM Eastern Standard Time
To: Dr. Irene
After reading through your Web site, I have realized many of things that were occurring in
a past unsuccessful and painful relationship of mine. Now that I can see what was
happening, and that it wasn't a product of my imagination or shortcomings, I feel a lot
better about the situation. It's been nearly a year and I still haven't dated anyone, but
I can now can see why. I am a remarkably healthier individual that I was in the dark days
of my past relationship, and I have come very far in healing. I admit, I have dwelled on
this person since we broke up, but now I can see them for who and what they really are. I
swear, reading the comments and stories on your Web page has shown me the light in many
Do you have a book or further material I can read. I can't afford telephone sessions, but
I would not hesitate in buying your book, or one like it. Any recommendations?
I am not all the way home, but I am close. Thank you. Ruth.
I'm glad you found the site to be helpful. Nope, no books, at least yet. But there are
references on the site and lots of free downloads.
Good luck to you, Dr Irene