March 24, 2000
Just these past 2 days I've been starting
to wonder if my husband is somewhat abusive. Let me give you a
little background. He was raised in an abusive home. His mom
divorced his dad and remarried another abusive man. His mom moved
from California to Utah to get away form her husband and he followed
her. They divorced and married quite a few times. My husband
had enough and told his mom to choose between him or her husband.
She did. At age 16 he left home determined not to become an
abusive person. He was determined to make a good life and be an exceptional
your opinion is greatly appreciated Thanks
Stress or abuse? What's
the difference? Abuse is abuse. You cannot permit it. Especially
with a man with his background.
You've tried to get your
husband to listen, but, right now he seems unable to. So, it might be a
good idea to go to the next step: back off.
You are likely to get his attention if you
spend a few days with your family. When he finally asks, "What's
wrong?" he will be more able to hear you. In particular, I
think you have to make a big stink about pinning you to the wall. This
is too close to the physical abuse border - that's a line you
never want to cross - and he came close.
Stress exacerbates everything. Stress creates
chemical changes in the brain and can turn the sweetest person into a
monster. If your husband is unable to behave because of the stress, you
may want to insist that he deal with it chemically. His internist
can prescribe an SSRI to help him through this period, or, you can buy
him a bottle of St. John's wort.
This one's very fixable. Good
luck! Dr. Irene