May 7, 2001
I had a male friend who would have breakfast with me on Sunday
mornings every once in a while.
On one of these occasions, we were eating breakfast and he
seemed preoccupied and in his own little world.
I asked him if there was anything wrong, and he started to
explain that his dog had died last week.
The dog was seventeen years old, and he had trained him from
a puppy. The dog could
dance, sit-up, beg, roll over, “say his prayers,” and many other
tricks. My friend hurt
so much that as he was talking about his dog, he had tears in his
eyes. He swore he would never have another dog, because losing him
was so painful that he never wanted to go though this again. However, over the next six months my friend became very
depressed. When he came
home from work to his empty apartment, he felt very alone and missed
his dog more.
Well, the next time we had breakfast together he was smiling
and it really seemed that he had perked up.
He told me he had bought a new puppy and that something
amazing was happening. The
love he had for his old dog was still there, but a new spot had
opened up in his heart with love for the puppy. It is amazing just how much love humans have, with a
capability of sharing love with many.
all must go on living, be it the loss of a pet or the loss of a
loved one by death or divorce. If we get another love, a new spot in our heart will open up.
good news for my male readers is there are many available women. My
female readers already know what the available pool of men is.
Statistics for women who remarry after divorce, published in Marriage,
Divorce, and Remarriage in the 1990’s,
show by percentage (age groups ranging in five-year breakdowns) that
after the age of thirty-four and before age fifty-five, approximately
sixty-five percent of the women do remarry. What those figure also
states loud and clear is that thirty-five percent do not remarry.
That’s a tremendous number of women. (For those women over age
fifty-five, I suspect the percentage figures for those who do not
remarry are much higher, but are not available.) An article written in
the Star Ledger printed
the following statistics: 21 million women over the age of 18 never
married, 11 million are widowed and 10 million are divorced.
Beyette wrote, "Are you over 40 and still unwed? Don’t give up”. She
stated, “Still, the National Center for Health Statistics reports, a
women in mid-to late 20s is five times as likely to marry for the first
time as a women 40 to 44. And, as she ages, her chances lessen.” With
single, never married, and those married before, the statistics show a
depressing fact. There are not enough good men to go around.
it is possible some of the unmarried group are living with someone,
dating, do not want to marry, etc. (The sad part is, for those who do really want another
chance, they may not ever get that opportunity.)
Why? Because of the limited available pool of single men. When taken into account that women live seven to eight years
longer than men, the results are more single women than men. One day when the reader has a few minutes to spare, read the
obituaries of one of the larger circulated newspapers. You will see announcement after announcement, “Mr. James
Thoms, 74, died etc. Surviving are his wife, Susan, two
daughters, Jill, and Frances.” (Most of the obituaries reveal that the wife is
surviving.) Add to this, death by wars. (World War II, Korean War, and Viet Nam War, where hundreds
of thousands of young men lost their lives and are gone forever and
that approximately two hundred military deaths a year occur in
peacetime.) Three and a
half million war veterans, crime victims and others with horrifying
experiences struggle with the persistent vigilance and terror of
post-traumatic stress disorder. (Some in this count are women.)
Daily News USA Weekend
printed these statistics: out of 10 on-the-job fatalities are men, 5 out of 7 victims of
traffic accidents are men, 4 out of 5 homicide victims are men, at
least 4 out of 5 suicides are men, 9 out of 10 HIV-related deaths
are men. The Star
Ledger article, “When women
die at work, look for murder.” It also found that the number of work-place homicides is higher
among men than women.” Add
the number of men that are in all the prison systems 1,090,600 men
compared to 71,800 women. (Source:
2000 Almanac by The New York Times.), the number of bus,
truck, plane and train deaths where there are more males riding as
passengers and dying in accidents.
More serious disabilities in the work force happen to males
for they are normally in more dangerous occupations. Now subtract from the available male pool the group of men
that are abusers, homosexuals, alcoholics, drug abusers, and are
impotent. Now take into
consideration those who are not working, are part time workers, or
have low-paying jobs which impact the ability to take a woman out,
and add to these men those who are already dating or living with
someone. What are left,
is not enough good men for all the women available. In 1998, there were 19.4 million currently divorced persons
in the U.S. There are more divorced women (11.1 million) than men
(8.3 million), because women are less likely to remarry. (Source
2000 Almanac by The New York Times.)
You Want To Start Again
Hacker Rosenberg wrote How
to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love. (Even if
you’re not over 35, the book is worth reading.) She says, “Know
the difference between high standards--which you should have--and
perfectionism.” Her advice is not only good for a future
partner but might fit a present partner.
we are in a “Garage Sale,” sitting in a driveway on some old table. You
buy us “as is.” Think of it more as if we were a valuable, rare antique
piece of furniture. Each bump, bruise, and scratch are part of the
history that makes this antique so scarce, precious, and valuable. Just
like the antique, we cannot be replaced even through we contain flaws.
You might be able to do some restoration, renovate pieces, and
recondition areas; but you are not going to change a dresser into a
chair. Be very realistic as to just how much someone will open up and
change and to what degree idiosyncrasies can go away. Approximately
sixty-nine percent of all relationship conflicts never will be
resolved. It is more important not to hurt the other person instead of
finding out who is right or wrong. Dale Carnegie, well known author and
speaker, said. "No one ever wins an argument."
Thanks Wayne! This one deserves
repeating: "Approximately sixty-nine percent of all relationship
conflicts never will be resolved.
It is more important not to hurt the other person instead of
finding out who is right or wrong." (my italics) I guess
you're trying to tell us why men don't listen... Dr.
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