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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Reader's Editorial on Posts

Reader's Editorial Comments on Posts

June 14, 2000

Dr. Irene,

Your site and responses have been so valuable to me as I ended an abusive relationship and work on my own co-dependency.  Thank you!!!!  I also enjoy the interactive e-mail questions, but would like to voice my concern.  It's really the same concern I had with the un-moderated lists.

For me, the purpose of interacting with other survivors, co-dependents... is to help me learn what has worked for others. It gives me a safe place to work on my own recovery.  I read some of the posts and I feel they represent what I am working hard to stop in my life.  I know I don't have to read them and I can't control other people's responses, but it still feels counter-productive.  I would like to see responses that focus on the individual's experiences, NOT judging or condemning another person who is searching for answers. 

Most of us are not trained in your field and probably would be better if we/I didn't try to give advice.  Giving "advice" also seems to be a big part of co-dependency that I am trying to stop.  I am learning to speak in terms of "I" not we or you.  I've found it to be very helpful and I've learned a lot about my co-dependency in the process.

I had asked a couple weeks ago why it is part of co-dependency to start a relationship quickly.  I am really looking forward to your article that addresses these issues.

Thanks again for all the time and effort you put into this site and helping people, Sherri

Good thinking Sherri. Thank you for your sage comments. They are definitely worth sharing! Talking about one's experience from the "I" perspective is the way to go; I would certainly prefer if posters limited their advice-giving from that perspective. 

About giving "advice" from a non-I perspective, yes, this is a big part of codependency. And because codependent people mostly  populate the site, I don't suppose there is a realistic way to prevent non-I advice posting. The good news is that the posts are interactive; other readers have the opportunity to call their peers on posts they find problematic - and this spirited bunch does!

Sherri, this site is just one little imperfect part of our very imperfect world. I wish I had the resources to give each of you what you want. Unfortunately, I don't. So, I do the next best thing: suggest individuals who are sensitive to these issues to learn how to deal with them - simply because they exist. That is real world advice...

As for the article, all I can say is that time is tight; I do what I can...

Again, thank you for your thoughtful and well-said commentary. My best regards, Dr. Irene

I want to read the comments.