June
14, 2000
Dr. Irene,
Your site and responses have been so valuable to me as I ended an abusive
relationship and work on my own co-dependency. Thank you!!!! I
also enjoy the interactive e-mail questions, but would like to voice my
concern. It's really the same concern I had with the un-moderated
lists.
For me, the purpose of interacting with other survivors, co-dependents...
is to help me learn what has worked for others. It gives me a safe place
to work on my own recovery. I read some of the posts and I feel they
represent what I am working hard to stop in my life. I know I
don't have to read them and I can't control other people's responses, but
it still feels counter-productive. I would like to see responses
that focus on the individual's experiences, NOT judging or condemning
another person who is searching for answers.
Most of us are not trained in your field and probably would be better if
we/I didn't try to give advice. Giving "advice" also seems
to be a big part of co-dependency that I am trying to stop. I am
learning to speak in terms of "I" not we or you. I've
found it to be very helpful and I've learned a lot about my co-dependency
in the process.
I had asked a couple weeks ago why it is part of co-dependency to start a
relationship quickly. I am really looking forward to your article
that addresses these issues.
Thanks again for all the time and effort you put into this site and
helping people, Sherri
Good thinking Sherri. Thank you
for your sage comments. They are definitely worth sharing! Talking about
one's experience from the "I" perspective is the way to go; I
would certainly prefer if posters limited their advice-giving from that
perspective.
About giving "advice" from a
non-I perspective, yes, this is a big part of codependency. And because
codependent people mostly populate the site, I don't suppose there
is a realistic way to prevent non-I advice posting. The good news is that
the posts are interactive; other readers have the opportunity to call
their peers on posts they find problematic - and this spirited bunch does!
Sherri, this site is just one little
imperfect part of our very imperfect world. I wish I had the resources to
give each of you what you want. Unfortunately, I don't. So, I do the next
best thing: suggest individuals who are sensitive to these issues to learn
how to deal with them - simply because they exist. That is real world
advice...
As for the article, all I can say is
that time is tight; I do what I can...
Again, thank you for your thoughtful and
well-said commentary. My best regards, Dr. Irene
I want to read the comments.
