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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

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2: Reader Comments

Part 2: Reader Comments to One Guy's Love Addiction

 

J,
Wow, you are livid over this.  I'm sure if your words could they would dance like flames across the page. I got a little scorched just from reading. It appears your fantasy is to have Yolanda's head on a stick and place it on your front lawn.  Me thinks thou does protest too much, and that what you really want is for her to come crawling back to you with lots of groveling, begging you to take her back.

You loved someone who was mean and cruel to you and did you wrong.  If this was a crime only a handful of people all over the world would not be in jail. To be hurt and angry over it is okay, to want someone dead is not.  The punishment does not fit the crime here. Lets put it in perspective.  She hurt your feelings and was mean to you, she didn't kill your child, or give you aids. What Yolanda did was 100% wrong.  But even after you soon found out what she was all about, you still chose to go back for more. Trying to get people like her to see the error of their ways is impossible.  You stand a much better chance of turning shit into beluga caviar. Forgive yourself and be thankful you never married her or had a kid with her.

The choice is yours.  Forgive yourself and move on, or become a bitter angry old man. Good luck in learning to make anger work for you and not become a slave to it.
I read the article of A Mans Love Addiction. I felt a lot of anger from it. Feeling sorry for J, for allowing such a meaningless person to create such a cold individual. It seems as if he is handing her over a lot of energy and power, which he could use in other areas of his life. I understand his pain, anger and feelings of evil thoughts, being I have gone through a similar situation. Only from experience can I say it is much easier praying for a state of indifference than hoping for death of
a person. I don't think she is sitting home obsessing on how to hurt J if thinking of him at all and for him to have soooo much ANGER it is sad. From what I read he seems like he is cheating some women out there of a fantastic wonderful man all because of one rotten moldy piece of bread.
I hope the best for J

unknown
I can understand where J is coming from, being that I went through the same type of thing. I gave her everything, and she threw it all away, like I didn't matter none. I felt the same anger. I isolated myself from women for a long time, maybe a couple years. I was convinced I'd had it with them and was happy with my buddies. It really wasn't a bad time. I felt safe and was determined never to be hurt again. Then I met my wife of 13 years. It took a long time for me to trust her, but she was patient, and slowly, I did trust again. She's not flashy and hot, like the one I was so taken with, but, she is real and she is MINE. That makes her TOPS in my book. J, hang in there and go through what you must. God operates in funny ways. I don't think I could have appreciated my lady to the extent I do had I not gone through hell first.
Dear Jay,

First off, thanks for sharing your story. Most of the stuff I've read in abuse is about men abusing women. I feel less alone hearing another guy's story. I am also the survivor of an abusive relationship with a woman who mesmerized me. I gave her everything: jewelry, money, a car (I have pretty good resources to give). Maybe what attracted me was her cool aloofness. She was unattainable, confidant, and beautiful. She took me for a long ride. I am embarrassed to say, all I wanted to do was please her so I could win my Prize. In the end, she took off with an acquaintance who made me look like a pauper. I fell into a pretty deep depression for a long time. Then, like yourself, I got angry. I was suspicious of women. Swore them off. It is only within the last few months that I've become interested in finding a partner. The good news is that Paula taught me to value myself. The women I  date now are a different breed. I still appreciate a beautiful and confidant woman, but I have learned to distinguish between confidence and endless self-absorption. I also no longer work at being the Knight in Shining Armour out to rescue Cinderella. Who knows what my future holds, if anything. But I am feeling more centered   these days and really liking the person I am becoming. Hang in there buddy.

A Friend

Hey man,

I am with you. I've had a similar experience and it changed me for good...or for bad as some who know me may be inclined to comment. I've sworn them off. I give up. I know when I'm licked and I ain't going back for more.

Darth Vader

Hi,

I just read J. Story and I feel sorry for him. It is ok to be angry but don't be consumed in it.  I am now a single parent who divorced a man who disrespected me.  At first I was very angry and hurt but then I realized that through it all I did  right by him and my son so even thought he disrespected me I never disrespected myself.   So instead of feeling bad and locking myself away I felt good about all the things I done like finishing my college education, Supporting my son , getting us a decent place to live and now I am living good.  My dad always said to me as long as you know you did the right thing you can sleep well at night. I sleep very well every night and as if to show me that justice has truly been served my son asked  me one day after being over his father's house for the weekend. Why does dad use sleeping pills to fall asleep now.  I just smiled to myself and said "because he has to dear". 

So stand tall J. Respect yourself enough to not let her destroy the rest of your life. You have too much to offer and so many new people to share it with.

Best Regards

Doreen

I'm right there with you.  I'm trying to get over a women whom doesn't want me that I want to spend my life with.  Anger isn't the way however bad we're treated.  Remember that she is human too and has her own issues and problems.  I would like to recommend two books to you.  Facing Love Addiction and Facing Co-dependence written by Pia Melody.  They've opened my eyes to a lot.  My prayers go with you, God bless.
 
Scott

 

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