February 14, 2000
Dear Dr. Irene,
As a husband and father for 25
years I have never seen a book about abusive wives... I must be the only
one in the world who has one, which makes it pretty hard to get advice.
Have you seen Abused Men by Phillip W. Cook for starters? Have you joined one of this site's support lists? Or posted to the Bulletin Board? You will find you are not alone at
My wife has been certifiably drug
addicted for at least ten years - over-dosing several times a years and
verbally abusing me and our 4 children. She projects all her profane and
abusive language at us...saying "You are making me this way" and
"You are abusing me," when her obnoxious, drunken appearance and
vulgar language repulses us!
She has books and local support
groups who egg her on. Since she is pathological, anyone who has never met
her children, husband, or family believes her fabrications. She even goes
to counselors who believe her as long as no one (who has known her) gets
to speak with them. My children and I have visited many different
counselors over 10 years to try to get family help but she drops any
counselor who hears the truth about her and gets a different one. She may drop the counselor, but you don't have to. Why not
stick around and get yourselves some help? (You know, you and the kids
need it as much as she does!)
She has several "chronic
pain" issues that require 8 doctors and 7 different pharmacies to get
her "required supplies" (injections and 1000s of pain killers).
In our state she can not be forced to get help unless she hurts someone.
She shows no self-respect while demanding respect at the same time. My
children are refusing to talk to her when she is stoned (most of the time).
I can't watch her kill herself much longer, but I don't have the guts to
throw her out since her own family won't take her. What do you think
will happen if this continues??? What do you
think will happen?
Take a look at some
of the borderline personality literature. You'll
also find some titles on the Book Shelf and links. Your wife may fit the bill.
You can't stand it.
Understandable. What about your kids? What do they want to do? Why not
attend some Naranon
12-Step meetings with or without the kids - since your wife is a
prescription drug addict. I understand her family won't take her, but it
seems as though letting her do her thing at home is not helping her - not
to mention what it must be doing to your kids.
It's your life.
It's your kids' lives. Think about it...
My best regards,