My Story, A Poem: Thoughts (with Doc's Comments)

by CCC, a Reader

March 3, 2003

A reader, CCC, emailed a poem and asked me to print it. CCC is a man, but the story could be a woman's story as well.

Thoughts is the touching and heartfelt poetry of an individual in pain. Unfortunately, this individual expected more from love than the loved one could possibly give, though I'm sure she tried: a sense of completion, of self, of peace. CCC did not realize that he was asking for things that are not any partner's to give...

Despite doing everything he could for his beloved, what he received was somehow lacking. My guess is when the author did not feel his efforts were reciprocated, he misbehaved. Felt used too. Ultimately the beloved left.

Dear CCC: Please save your tears. You are learning a valuable lesson. I know your pain is very real and very intense right now, but please... When you are able, try to spend some time finding the sense of Self and completion that exists inside of you! It really is there!

Find it and you will be more OK by yourself - and even better with a partner! You won't be as prone to feelings of being used or betrayed. Because while what you give will be heartfelt, yet more reasonable. It won't violate your boundaries or anybody else's. Above all, what you give won't carry the high hopes and expectations it once used to. And you will be grateful for that.

Thank you for your poetry. And hang in there friend. Doc

Thoughts

I think of you

Then I start wanting you

Then I start missing you

Then I start needing you

And I can’t do anything about it

Except hope and pray that it will go away some day

I think back on what I have done

I look at what I am doing

Always searching for a glimpse of hope

To give me the strength to deal with

The thinking, the wanting, the missing, and the needing

Everyday I search to find hope

And some days it is not easy

When we fuss and fight and have and argument

It is like torment

When you say, “I love him he is in my heart”

Those words cut deep and tears my hope apart

I wish the was a way

We could just be friends and put my feelings aside

And somehow try to restore my pride

And rebuild everything I let fall

By neglecting them, to give you my all

I happily and willingly jumped into an emotional pit

I didn’t know was bottomless

Until I looked for you to catch me

And you were not there

And guess what? I am still falling

Deeper and deeper into a pit of despair

When I wanted to fall deep

For someone who loves me

Not some someone who loves what I do

For someone who needs me

Not for someone who needs something done

And somewhere in that emotional pit

Love turned into despair

And I am thinking when, where and how?

By: CCC