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Poem:Looking Back on Death

Poem: Looking Back on Death

by Julie Buchanan

August 22, 2000

     Hi Dr. Irene! My name is Julie, I wrote to you a few months ago ... January I think it was. I included a poem I had written, although I hadn't decided on a title at that time, it was between "A Passing Phase" and "Her Way Back to Life". (By the way, I decided to go with, "Her Way Back to Life") Anyway, since that time I have had quite a struggle finding my own way back to life, but I did and I am now divorced and getting on with getting on. I wrote another poem last week that really helped me bring closure to my ordeal. I wanted to share it with you and let you decide if it might be helpful for others going through (or are finished with) a divorce as a result of verbal abuse. I know you heard this thousands of times, so I'm sure one more time won't hurt ...  THANK YOU!!! : ) Your wisdom, honesty, and no nonsense advice has been, and will continue to be, a life altering reality check for me.  I've no idea where I'd be if I hadn't stumbled into this site!    You would have found another teacher, that's all...
         So, here's the poem and once again, Thank you!  Love,   Julie

And thank you Julie! Dr. Irene


As the toll bells rang, she watched silently as the casket was lowered into place.
One memory after another taunted her as the last tear fell from her face.

Plagued by the realities that left her alone to process this pain.
She fought the demons that chided she was to blame.

She looked up at the sun and let the light fill her soul.
As grievous as it was, she recalled the truth in whole.

 The nails that sealed this coffin, were not driven by her hand.
But by his, one by one, they unveiled a fate she'd never planned.

 She paused and reflected on her vain attempts to save
A marriage, that by his choice, was bound for the grave.

For each betrayal, each desecration, each volatile name he used to rape her heart
Was like a cancer that was killing her and he knew this from the start.

Devastated, drained she had given it all away
To a man only content to mar her every day.

There she stood, almost numb, in utter disbelief.
That her own heart betrayed her, she was filled with such grief.

Today it was over, she was set free from the chain.
Left wishing this eluded she was also free from pain

She mourns the loss of her heart and fears she'll trust no one.
Terrified of betrayal, from a new love she will run.

So, with lessons learned, she paid her final last respects
To a force that had shaped her with so many ill effects.

Breathing deeply, she resorted to signing on the line.
Finally free, to catch her breath, and renew her mind.

There was relief by the finality of this bitter twist of fate.
She realized at last, this is the road she must take.

So, as she hesitantly climbed into that black, eerie carriage.
She looked back for the last time, on the death of her marriage.

Julie Buchanan
Copyright 2000