|April 18, 2000
Hello. Hi. I have a
Last July I was in a Taxi Cab headed for a woman's shelter. Obviously, I came back before I ever reached it. As far as I know he has NO IDEA that I left. I left because he was beginning to show signs of a physical abuser. He threw a chair across the room into my now ruined cedar chest. I was not home - that is the reason he gave for being so angry. He smashed the telephone on the tile floor. He said he wished I was dead. Another time, he wished I'd fall down the stairs. He denies some of this and says, "Of course I don't want you dead!"
There has been no acting out like
the above since last Fall. At least, I can't remember any particular thing
broken or "wish you were dead" statement. What
did you do that let him know his stuff was not OK? Somehow, you set
some sort of limit.
As I sit typing this to you, my son took all his toys out of his toy chest. My husband told Craig to put them back in the box, "...What do I need to do? Slap you?"
walked into the room to intervene. "Boss is here." "You like
mess." "You don't make him clean up one mess before he
makes another." I say I am here because I heard you threaten to
Slap Craig across the face. "I don't threaten, and I should slap you both
in the face."
Your husband has not crossed the physical abuse line, but he is inching his way there. While he has not hit you, or hit you "by mistake," he threatens and has destroyed property. People are next.
Something you did back in the Fall set him straight. Think hard so you can repeat it. Perhaps you became so frustrated with the cab ride, you behaved in a way that shouted, "NO WAY!" Whatever you started doing the day you were ready to flee, Do it again.
Or, perhaps it is time to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will tolerate threats of slapping, hitting, etc., etc.
But, my question to you is: What are you doing in a relationship where you are just waiting for a reason to leave. No where in your letter to you refer to loving him, wanting him, etc. Do you really want to be married to this man?
Best regards, Dr. Irene
I want to read the posts.