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Doc@DrIrene.com

Open Letter To Abused Dads

Open Letter To Abused Dads

Dated January 17, 2000

To: Abused Dads

I'd like to echo the words of Dr. Laura and Dear Abby:
 
"How dare you leave your babies with an abuser!"
 
I've been involved in many divorces over the years. Here's a few things I've learned:
 
bulletA single parent home is better than the whirlwind of an abusive home.
bulletA single dad home is as good as a single mom home.
bulletKids will do well if they are loved and listened to.
bulletDads win custody cases.
bulletThe courts are biased against dads: But only biased! The courts are not stupid.
bulletThe courts REALLY believe in the best interests of the child. That may be hard to define, but it is their goal.
bulletThe courts look with added favor on the person who does the caretaking in the family: "Who takes the kids to the dentist?" "Who makes the doctor's appointment?" "Who plans the birthday party? Who executes it?" The idea is: Who is doing the day to day work to see to the welfare of the child(ren)? 

 

Please, before you leave: Think of the children.
 
If you have left:
bulletGet involved with those working to achieve fairness and justice in parenting matters. Everyone's opinion counts.
bulletHold her responsible for her actions.
bulletEnsure that she fulfills her part of the bargain.
bulletTalk to your kids! Tell them you love them. Listen to them. Do everything in your power to be a good father.
bulletIf you cannot see your kids: Write to them several times a week and keep a copy of what you write. Later in life those children will try to contact you. Those copies will form the basis of a new adult relationship.

A brief note to the women reading this:
 
If you're a female reading this the odds are good that you are the victim of abuse. Please do not be afraid of good dads seeking custody. I'm sure you're worried about the abuser and his manipulation of the Family Courts and you: You have every right to be worried. Please get involved with those seeking to bring changes to the family law. One thing we clearly need is protection from abusers. Try to remember most of the changes in this area of society are coming from dads who are not allowed to see their children or parent their children. They see society through that experience. They will listen to you. I don't think there is one men's or shared parenting group without several female members.

Signed, Involved Dad, Greg - jump to my pages!

Wow! Thank you! Dr. Irene