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Doc@DrIrene.com

No Power - & I'm Becoming Abusive

My Story: No Power - & I'm Becoming Abusive

"Unless I accept my faults, I will most certainly doubt my 
virtues." -Hugh Prather
 

December 17, 2000

I have read some of the stories of the others.  Many sound like my own. I come from a family that was not too close. My father was not involved very much in my life even though my parents are still married. Even ran away from home as a teenager for a while. I was 14 and was "in love" with someone, 23.  

I finally snapped out of that and began dating people my own age.  Became pregnant at 17, married, and have been for 16 years.  My spouse has an anger problem also. When he becomes angry, he uses many profanities, belittles, and is demeaning.  Calls me names like "stupid", "bitch", "ignorant," and says things to purposely hurt me such as not being a good "house cleaner " or "decorator".  It is to the point now that he calls one of my children "fat".  She is a little overweight but has a learning disability also.  However, she is (!) the most loving and caring child out of all of them.  She is dyslexic (and the therapist feels as though my husband is also.  He had many troubles in school as a child learning; to this day he has extreme test anxiety.  Has been at the same job for 17 years because he cannot accept change. He complains that he does not like his job.)  He is always on her because she is so "unorganized".  He is such a neat freak.  Yet he doesn't think about "germs".  Things just always have to be in their place.  Kids can't play with toys because "they drag out and never put up". He yells at us all about "cleaning" consistently everyday. Why is this so?   When do I say enough is enough and leave?  We always feel as if we are walking on eggshells when he is around. 

On the flip side, he often can be the most loving and caring person;
especially for a man.  It is like he is two different  people.  I am
constantly struggling to keep the peace and worry about the kids' feelings.   How do you deal with people like this? He often talks about how other people treat their families so terribly, but he is a hypocrite. He would never submit to counseling.  He has too much pride for that.  I know that I have my own faults and issues. I try so hard to always put myself in other people's shoes and treat people the way I would like to be treated. However, when my husband begins to "beat me down verbally" I have begun to do it back to him.  I guess because I want him to know what it feels like.  I know it is wrong. I worry that our children will have some adverse affect from all this.  At what point do I need to leave? Thanks for the opportunity to vent. V. 

Sometimes you have to remove yourself from a situation that is turning you into a person you don't like - before your partner becomes motivated to change... Anybody have anything to say to this lady?

I just want to read the posts.