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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Nope, This Is About YOU!

Nope, Not Me - This is About YOU!

Below is an interesting email I received from an angry guy who lost his girlfriend. He doesn't get it. Think we can give him some help? Read his email and submit your advice at the bottom.

 

From: R 
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 1999 10:30 PM
Subject: You

This is weird stuff, I lost a girlfriend because of this site. Oh boy... I know that you may think you are doing good but there are both side to every story. What about her side? Do you see it? I was dating a girl for 18 months, and only told her I loved her three times. Why? I was fully attracted to her by who she was; she loved to talk about things that were not to important to anyone, but I still took interest in what she said. Please don't think she was a ditz cause she is/was the smartest girl that I have ever met. She has everything going for her! But, your opinion of her is not too high! You "sacrificed" yourself for the noble cause of listening to chatter no one else wanted to hear? Perhaps others felt differently?

Enough of that, I've been though some crazy relationships and thought I knew everything, but of course I was wrong. This girl I speak of taught me alot. I never that I would be able to trust a female ever again, but this girl took me to another level, she showed me things that I never thought existed, like trust. I guess I ruined it through drinking. That will do it! I have been drinking for a long time and this Friday will be two months drink free (9-24-99).  Good for you! Go to program and do the steps too! And as insecure as this may sound, I did and do it for her. But hey, everyone needs that push. Its OK to use her as a higher power initially. It's hard to feel good enough about yourself when you first get sober. But, I hope down the line, you realize that the only person in the world to do it for...is yourself. And as you have heard before, you learn through trial and error. But in this for instance, I wish on my life I would have learned this before I lost the best friend I ever had. She will not talk to me. What you did to her? Do you know?

Back to your topic ABUSE. I admit I didn't like her talking to frat guys or guys that were just being nice, I was reverted to my past relationships, (my down fall). I felt intimidated. WHY? Because you don't trust her - since you don't trust yourself. How can  you possibly not worry that she won't do dumb things if you have done/do dumb things? Also, note that anger and addiction coexist more often than not. Make sure you work out the anger stuff too. Doing so will really get at the addiction.


This is why I feel good about myself: I listen to her, I told her everyday she was the most beautiful girl in the world, I told her "she was the bomb". I constantly told her three to four time a day she was the best.   WHY WHY Why? 


I feel like shit. To this day we have spoken through email twice in three months! God this is rough!!!! Yes. But, necessary. Growth only seems to happen through pain, and you certainly need to grow. The best advice I can give you is to encourage you to stay sober; get honest with yourself (I promise you that you are not honest now, even though you think you are!) Walk the straight and narrow path; you can't pull one over anyone, since you are really just pulling the wool over your self: you will not trust yourself until you know you are trust worthy. (Again, I promise you that you are not, even though you may think you are.)

Good luck to you. -Dr. Irene

Readers: Any advice for R? He's issued a cry for help. Let's throw him a few ropes. Enter your advice below and... (very, very important)

I want to read the advice...