I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences here at Dr.
I spent nearly 11 years married to a man that sounds very similar to Kali.
We have been separated for almost 4 months now, our divorce is filed and I
should be a single woman towards the end of March '00. I have not
seen nor spoken to him during these 4 months. We did our financial
settlement via email and fax machines. A very abrupt ending to our
marriage to say the least.
It is comforting to read about other's experiences with verbal abuse.
Now that I am in a healing phase, it has been a real eye-opener for me.
I was the best at convincing myself and everyone else that
"things" were happy, healthy, normal and loving. But, they
Kali's irrational behavior towards you, her judgmental action and cruel
words remind me so very much of my *soon to be* x-husband! I never
worked hard enough. I didn't try hard enough. I was selfish,
greedy, wouldn't have amounted to anything if it hadn't been for him, I
was evil, I was a freak of nature, I was a pain in the ass, I didn't make
him happy. Not to mention all the foul obscene names I endured from
his careless, cruel manner. But, I loved him.....he crossed the line
once into physical abuse in 1997. He went to anger counseling and
got better, for a while.
Just this past summer, he really
went off the deep end. We were having a brand new house built (I
make the same salary as him, FYI) - one day, he would make plans for our
new house and the next he would say he wanted to cancel the house, leave
me, and go our separate ways. He loves me, he loves me not. Extremes
in everything. He hated me. He loved me more than he could
ever put into words. Sheer and total craziness (he also abuses
He would scream at me with his face an inch from my nose. He would
dance around in circles in front of me, bending over pointing his rear at
me and holding up his middle finger at me as he did his little
dances. Yes, he turned into a lunatic monster. And, he
attacked my 19 year old cat that was sleeping (that's about all she can do
at her age). He hated the cat because I gave the kitty all the
affection he felt he should have been getting. He told me to put her
to sleep, that he "knew" her "time" had come. My
vet offered a different opinion. That was about 9 months ago, Meower,
my cat is doing very well, and is amazingly healthy for a very old cat.
She is much better now that it's just she and I :)
Thank God I never had any children with him.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and again, thanks for sharing. I know
all abusers are not men. You've got a head start on me recovering from the
madness, but I'm doing OK too.
Best to you and your loved ones and
Happy Halloween! Bye, Viv
Best wishes Viv and God Bless you. Keep up the
wonderful recovery work. You deserve no less. -Dr. Irene
Ps. Hugs and
kisses to Meower. (Just in case its not immediately apparent, I am totally
nuts about cats!)