August 14, 2002
This is Marty and I have enjoyed reading your
articles. Flattery will get you (almost)
everywhere! However I'm somewhat concerned that these
descriptions of narcissists are almost totally applied to males and
not females. Have you
looked here? And
here? In my own relationship experiences, I have found most
of the women I met and/or dated or married to - have massive egos
and very narcissistic. "Most?" Hmmm...
It seems like the ratio is more 50/50 than 75/25 men
to women who are narcissistic. In my opinion, with today's gender roles being
blurred, it seems like there are as many women as men with this
problem. Maybe because we live in a society that places high value
on self gratification and self fulfillment.
Nope. I quote
from The DSM-IV, the official
"diagnostic bible" used by mental health clinicians: "Of those
diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, 50%-75% are male."
(page 660)
I have met just as many women as men who were
incapable of emotional depth and are superficial as much as some
men. I have also met guys who are deep emotionally and not
superficial - some of them very good looking guys.
I have had some relationships with women and it
didn't work out, as these ladies were very self absorbed in their
careers and themselves, even though I told them that I care about
them and demonstrated a lot of affection. Didn't expect anyone to
worship me. I just like someone who makes as much effort in the
relationship. Sadly, most single women don't do that.
You sound as though you are ready for a
serious relationship. It would be a good idea for you to screen for
women who want same.
You want to know what these women said to my
co-workers and/or friends after we broke up? They say "
I didn't have any feelings. " Yeah, trash the guy - so the women
doesn't have to look like the piece of narcisstic crap she really is.
Wow!!! they are pros at playing the victim.
Made the mistake of dating a girl at work--what a
mistake. she was psycho and had emotional problems. Couldn't accept
my feelings without freaking out. When we broke up after 1 month of dating, she told
people at work that I loved and left her, that I had no feelings.
She's a pro at work looking like the stable one. However 2 co
workers have seen her make an angry emotional outburst and realize
she's a psycho. She later admitted that she hated me for 6 months.
What up with that?? So we went out 5 times and had sex once-makes us
married? She hates men--plain and simple and she is f*%*ed up.
I broke up the relationship because it was
dysfunctional --I was not ready to trust an unstable women like her
and she was still screwed up from the last relationship. Hmmmm--who
sounds more narcissistic?
I don't hate women, I know it sounds angry, I'm just
sick of seeing all these web sites portraying women as victims and
men as perpetrators. C'mon, the women perpetrate just as much. Who
said they didn't?
I am at the point, as a 40 year old, that I'm ready to
give up on them. Like -there is no satisfying them. Seems like no
matter what a guy does-you can't win. I have male friends in their
20s who feel the same. If I could become Gay - I would, and never look back or
regret it. I'm just not attracted to hairy legs and a 5 o'clock
shadow. Anything less than offering her the world subjects a guy to
rejection and/or scorn. So, what are you gonna
do? Invent a third sex? Become a monk?
Your articles are well done. I have learned a
few things about myself. Believe that everyone is narcisstic to some
extent. It's ok to care for your needs like food, clothing , taking
a shower and wanting friends to hang with for some attention. As
long as it is reciprocal and balanced, it works.
When it is extreme is when it's bad. Sorry to say ,
there is a lot of that today. Lots of fear out
there.
Keep posting your articles and I hope my spouting
about my opinion on the subject will give guys a more even shake.
Sincerely,
MartyDear
Marty,
Don't know what you're doing, but
you're doing something that's not working. There's a lot of lovely
gals out there. Too many! Why aren't you finding them?
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