Sent: Monday, September 20, 1999
Subject: Name Calling and anger
Dear Dr. Irene
Eleven months ago I met a wonderful man, I thought he was the sweetest and
most gentle person I had ever met. He is intelligent, sensitive, a
professional (not that they are not abusive!). Anyway, we got
After a few months (we were living
together by then) he became another person. He started yelling at me
for no reason, was constantly irritated for no apparent reason, and
whatever went wrong was my fault. He calls me names when he is
upset, like "f*** b***," you "maniac", you are
"crazy" and he once kicked me seriously in the back. I
want to leave so bad but I am torn, because between these episodes he is
really kind and nice. It's crazy making, I know, but I am constantly
afraid. I'm afraid that I'll say something wrong, do something
wrong, I'm always walking on eggshells. He cannot sleep well at
night, so I have to be SUPER SUPER SUPER quiet when I wake up or if I have
to go to the bathroom during the night. He cannot stand any
"noise." I cannot play music when he is at home, cannot
sing which I love to do, cannot even make coffee, because he thinks it is
so "unhealthy." What am I doing with this man, why haven't
I left yet? I am a smart, well educated professional woman, I was
married (6 years) before this relationship to a good man who never said a
harsh word to me. I never dreamed that I would put up with
this for one minute!
Please give me advice, I feel like
I am going crazy, like there is something wrong with ME and that I have no
This is so simple.
What is wrong with you is that you are not listening to yourself
If you stay, you
WILL get crazy, you WILL lose perspective, and you will be very, very
sorry...because no one had to tell you this relationship is bad news.
You already knew that...