Sent: Thursday, August 12, 1999
Subject: I just found your web
My best friend in the world just
e-mailed me with your web site address and I immediately went there.
I fit the pattern for the codependent person to a T. As I read along, my
eyes began to water and I began to cry, at my desk! Today I
was married 22 years ago. We divorced after 10 years and he
remarried. I did not. I raised our two children. Now my
daughter is 18 and will be going away to college in two days. I am
very proud of her. My son is 22, graduated high
school, and has no aspiration for continuing a formal education.
I have spent the last ten years in therapy of one sort or another, by
myself, with the kids, with multifamily groups. I believe soundly
that one should know oneself in order to be able to grow and flourish.
I am alone and 43 years of age, obese since early childhood. I spent
many years being furious at myself for not being able to be thin enough to
even "compete" with girls for a boyfriend. I'm sure you've
heard it all before. I finally stopped worrying and crying about
something that is bigger than I am and am trying to just love me for me.
I am a nice lady and have much to give, but also much to learn and explore
in this world. I am going to school part time. I work two jobs (have
done so for at least 15 years) and have the hope of completing my degree
in physician assistant studies one day, hopefully before my daughter, but
ok if not. I can only control a small part of my world, and
sometimes not even that. Thank you for your wonderful web site.
I will visit you often.
Thank you for your
Go for it, lovely
lady! Love thyself; control thyself...the world is your oyster!
Dear Dr. Irene,
In desperation one day at my desk, while on my lunch hour, I keyed
in search words regarding verbal/emotional abuse and found your web
site. I have been a victim of this type of abuse for more years than
I want to admit. Thank you so much for putting this much information
out there. I am trying to get "un-stuck" - finding
your site was a big step in the right direction for me!!!
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback. It
makes my hours typing away that much more meaningful.
Good luck to you, -Dr. Irene
Sent: Monday, August 09, 1999 1:04 PM
Subject: I just came across your site
I've been perusing your site for about 30 seconds and it is the
This is the most clear and concise site I have ever come across.
up the good work. I think I'll set this site as my home page!
Thank you! -Dr. Irene
Sent: Thursday, July 29,
1999 12:00 AM
Subject: Thank You
Dear Dr. Irene,
Thank you so much for your web
sight! It has explained so much to me about my past. I sought
therapy for years....and was never gotten the right help. I have had
more successful therapy on the web then all my hours combined!
The attached web page is about
my other abuser... my old supervisor! I sought therapy when the
abuse with her first started and I was put on Prozac! I
worked under her for two years... the same two years I was
separating from my husband. My therapist never brought up co
dependence... even when I told her I didn't want to reconcile with
my husband, but felt responsible for his impotence and wanted to
help him through it. Her response was... how self sacrificing...no
mention of co dependence!
I nearly lost my mind between
the two of them... abusing alcohol, high emotionality, and other
self destructive behavior.
I am rebuilding my life
now, following a motorcycle accident that led to my inability to use
my hands and perform surgery. I am considering psychiatry so I can assist
the next person that asks for help. I know there are a lot
of ignorant people in the mental heath field! I want to change
that.... and it will exercise my co dependent need to fix people!
Thanks again for a great
site...with insight! -Donna
Dear Dr. Donna,
Thank you for
your kind words... And thank you for your link on bully bosses,
which I've published on my links page as
well as here.
Best wishes for
a full recovery & a new career, Dr. Irene
Sent: Wednesday, July 14, 1999
Subject: thank you!
Just a quick thank you, Dr. Matiatos,
to you and all those who have
made your web page possible-especially all those who have been brave
enough to email in detail about their problems. Even for those of us
not in relationships per se have greatly benefited from your words of
wisdom. Thank you!
Dear Mr. Akers and
The more I read, the more I want to give you a big hug! That's just
what you are doing with the validation and encouragement and
"tools" that you provide on your site! It is a true
gift- a new start. For anyone who visits your site, with newly
opened eyes, with or without a partner, things will never be the
Thank you so much!
P.S. It's so good to know that I'm not "too sensitive",
"weak" or going crazy after all!
Only crazy like a
fox! Good luck & thank you! Dr. Irene
Sent: Friday, July 02, 1999 11:22 AM
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU !!!!
I have been a very angry person for a very long time. Of course as
you might have guessed it started in childhood.
From my mothers first failed marriage, where my father used to physically
and emotionally abuse in the name of drugs/alcohol and eventually left
with no trace - only to reappear years later and want to establish a
paternal relationship without saying sorry. To my mothers second marriage,
where my step father physically and mentally abused in the name of
Thank God now my mother is on her third marriage where the man she married
is truly a gentleman, a real honest, loving and compassionate person.
Mom has made drastic changes in life and as I love to follow here
footsteps I am and have been trying to make drastic changes in my life.
I too have been through one bad relationship after another. I
started out just as innocent as I could but with a gay twist. Soon I
became the most bitter and scornful person walking. Mad as hell with
even the way a flower would grow. All the time I new that I was
unhappy, miserable that no one wanted to be around not even myself.
I finally have met a really great individual and I am in love like never
before. We met basically on the sidewalks of Midtown New York.
Thing are going right for me now.
I know that for the rest of my life there will always have to be a
continued effort to heal and repair the damage that has been done.
That process today has been made easier by your web site. You are a
generous person. Thank you, again.
And thank you for taking the time to share your story. My best wishes
for you and yours in your new relationship. Love often inspires healing.
Take care of your gift of each other.
Best regards, Dr. Irene
Sent: Sunday, June 06, 1999 3:00 AM
Subject: Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!
Dear Dr. Irene,
I hope that you realize what an incredible person you are! I sit here laughing at how well
you "get it." I visited your angry persons section
tonight, and you are incredible! I have been living the past five months with holes in my
tongue. I have been not reacting to my button pushing, but holding my tongue instead. I am
pissed! I am so pissed off! Good! It's about time! Anger
is a signal that something is wrong and you need to do something about it! I have lived the past thirteen years of my life arguing back with
my husband, and now that I "stop, don't react," things
are different. I have been told how fat I am getting, how ugly I am, that he will never
take me back if I leave. I have been accused of having "someone else." I have
been threatened to be killed while I sleep, I have had shoes thrown at me. There is
something definitely wrong with this man. Last night he sat five feet away from me,
and "tongued " a toy truck in front of me. For ten minutes!! He uses my
sons against me, he is insane! I have called a local woman's shelter since Thursday, and
their counselor's aren't in until Tuesday! The stories I could tell you! Maybe
someday, in a book. Maybe we'll collaborate!
God bless you, I can't believe that there is someone out there who
"gets" all of this! I wrote to you
about the gender question, I had never read the angry section
when I wrote to you, and there it was, about it being a
human thing, not a gender thing, you are amazing!!
Thank you for all of the updates you provide, even on a
holiday weekend. You are truly an angel sent from God. We all are!
Pat yourself on the back right now! (Pat, pat...) You
deserve it!! I hope to one day treat you to lunch! Once I have become a success story
thanks to you! Please keep up your incredible work.
Awww geee! And thank you! -Dr. Irene