March 3, 2000
Your web site has saved me years of heart ache. I read
through it one day and snapped out of my denial, an uncomfortable
place. So, I decided the site was "bunk" and avoided it for two
weeks. Then went back. Now I read it every day. I hope you've also
joined one of the support groups or
participated in the board ... If you have concerns with your email
address, get one of the free ones.
I am leaving him,
and my feelings are so mixed up. Agony is a good word for it. But
thank you. Thank you so much. I read the stories of thirty-year marriages
and think "That really could be me!"
Not to tamper with perfection (Wow...what a gal;
what taste...), but here is a suggestion: I am in the
process of leaving my abusive, co-dependent fiancée. But he is also a
good and talented person who has suffered a lot - that's what makes
so hard. I am terrified out of my mind. I think a page about
"Leaving Your Abuser" with tips for doing it as safely as
would be a great addition to your site. You got it. By the way, if you are scared, respect
your fear. Better to find out later that you overreacted than be sorry
that you didn't. R
For example, although he has never hit
me, I am lying to
him because I am really afraid when I break
it to him, he might turn violent, or dump my possessions on the street
before I find a place to live. It is hard to cope with that fear and the
guilt of being dishonest. Neither of you have been
playing fair! You've been giving the store away and he's been taking
it. If you both had been playing fair, you wouldn't be planning to
leave! Start playing fair now: shut your mouth and do what you have to
do to be fair to yourself - for a change. Dump the guilt; this is
about survival. It is your responsibility to take good care of the precious
gift you were given: your body, your mind, your soul.
I think for women who have been
would be even harder. There must be some good rules of thumb like the ones
you give in "Taking your power" that could help people in my
situation: Ideas for protecting yourself, how to move out, ways to break
the news, keeping strong during the backlash, getting your confidence
back, how to cope with stalkers, what legal options there are, how to keep
listening to your long lost instincts, a moving out checklist, etc.
Or, how about a
bulletin board: play-by-play stories about "How I left my ex,"
or "How I broke free" so people can see ways to break free (nuts
and bolts stuff) that have worked for others. Hopefully in a couple weeks
I will be in a position to contribute to such a bulletin board!
God bless you. God bless your web site.
ideas well taken. Thank you! My very best wishes, Dr. Irene
I want to
read the posts!
Take me to the Tips!