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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

It Hurts For a Reason

If It Hurts, It Hurts For a Reason

I have been married more than once (the same man/different body).  I wasn't able to see what I was doing - I believe my counselor called it "repetition syndrome".  Unfinished business.  My God I was a slow learner:(

Abuse is abuse.  What was the same about these men?  They had "issues" with their mothers.  They were passive aggressive (couldn't handle/deal with emotions in general).  They reacted angrily if I was sick/injured.  They had sexual issues.  They had little regard for my emotions or feelings.  They were controlling and selfish.

Then there is me.  I always wanted to fix them - love them into happiness.  Do more than I should, and do and do and do more!  I lost myself in the relationships.  I would do anything to win their love/approval/acceptance.

Why did it take soooooooo long to see the light and to love and protect myself?  A lifetime it seems.  Why did I spend so many years repeating?  A desperate attempt to be loved.  It never occurred to be that you can't get blood from a stone.  Imagine the concept of loving myself enough to let myself BE loved.  It was as if I had to suffer enough and then, if I was loved by the abuser, the love would be deserved.  It didn't occur to me that I just quite simply might be deserving in kind to what I gave out.  That maybe I didn't need to torture myself by loving verbally abusive men who could not love me in return.  It was as if I wasn't worthy of a kind and accepting love.

I'm done!  I am ready to travel with no luggage and a happy heart.   I am ready to attract and be attracted to someone who can love.  I no longer need to have someone verbally bash me and break my spirit.  Mostly, I am willing to see things as they are now, not as I wish they were.  A wonderful thing happens when you wake up and realize you really are worthy:)

Eventually, I hope the sadness goes away and I can rise above my losses.  The good Lord is relentless until you "get the picture" and I am thankful for that.

God Bless, and thank you for your site.  The self abuse you put yourself through in dealing with an abusive person is relentless.  The thinking, "if only I did this", the pain of trying to figure out or understand why they did or said this or that.  There is no understanding.

Noreen

IF IT HURTS, IT HURTS FOR A REASON!!!

See Noreen's January 2000 update here!