April 26, 1999 8:00 PM
Tomorrow I go for
surgery. On my arm. Nerve damage from a cut. It took 50 stitches to
close it. And you know what? All because I choose to stay in a relationship
that I should have left long ago. In fact, I did leave, only to come
back. Twice. ??? Just dumb I guess! Wan to know the really sad
part? I did it. I put my arm through the glass. I was panicked.
Frightened. Confused. I just wanted the screaming, the name calling, the
shoving to stop. He took the keys 30 minutes before I was to be at work. Told me to
call someone, find another way there. That is how the whole thing started.
Funny thing is this - It is all my fault. I did this. I didn't have to
over-react. I am the DUMB one, he would never stick his hand through a window.
At least that is what he wants me to believe. But, I am going to make a change in
my life. I'm tired. Just plain tired. And, I don't want to be
anymore. I can do this - I will do this - 6 years of my life has been 6 years too
many. I've aged 10. I want those 4 back. So, I just ask for some words of
encouragement as I seek out a place of my own in this world......
"No weapon formed against me shall prosper"
The best part of owning your
stuff is that you are free to dis-own (ie., stop) it.
If it helps, know that while you
put your arm through glass, you had a cheering squad: you fell victim to
provocation by an expert. OK, so you went back twice. Let's shoot you for
caring and having a big, forgiving heart.
Dear Lady, none of us are
perfect. We do our best. Until we learn to do better. And better. And better. All this is
part of life. Try to keep in mind that no experience is lost. In this, you have discovered
a piece of your power.
Thank you for sharing your tale.
My best, best wishes for your
speedy physical and emotional recovery,