|April 19, 2000
I just would like to share this
experience with your visitors. This observation was quite interesting to
me & I thought it may be of interest to others.
I have confronted my wife with her anger & demeanor from time to time
over the years but it had always led to an argument or a subject change.
So, about five or so years ago I threw the towel in on all
communication (since I have experienced what the judge has: absolutely no common language whatsoever) except
what is necessary for home & child management. Well naturally, I began
to get all sorts of complaints about lack of communication...."why
don't you talk to me"..."we never communicate" ..."you
don't open up".
After educating myself at your site and realizing more logically what I
have been knowing instinctively for twenty three years, I started to
address my wife's anger, casual demeanors & condescending tones
directly & unemotionally. Good!
Well, a strange thing has happened. All those communication complaints
& requests have ceased. And she makes no attempt to initialize
communication. Seems that no communication at all is better than actually
addressing this issue intellectually. As near as I can figure, screaming
& arguing about screaming & arguing is OK, but actually discussing
it is strictly taboo.
Things are getting clearer & clearer.
Thanks for the forum. Glad things are quieter,
if not better. Dr. Irene