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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

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1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

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7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

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Doc@DrIrene.com

My Story 7

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B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, June 14, 2001

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, June 19, 2001

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Oops! I posted my story on the 14th but didn't give a name or anything. I'm the 46 year old with 'Monty' the boyfriend. My email handle is Pumagal so feel free to use if you'd like to reply.

As I post he's been out of town for almost a week and I feel like I'm falling apart. We talk a couple times a day on the cell phone. He'll call me, tell me to call back--saves him money but I do it.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, June 28, 2001

S1

This is a reply to the middle aged woman who wrote on 6/12/01. I don't know what to write, but your story touched me deeply. Times sound tough - this guy sounds horrible - what do you mean he ONLY choked you once!!! Once shouldn't even happen. I suggest reading some of the books on Dr. Irene's list. Try Patricia Evans' Verbal Abust book to start. I found tremendous strength in it. It, in a published BOOK, showed me that I wasn't crazy and that I wasn't alone. I was with my BF for two years & very recently broke it off. THAT has been very hard for me, and I wasn't married and don't have children. I'm still dealing with it. Search within you for strength you probably don't know that you have. Strategize an exit plan. Do you work? That'll help. Keep on reading Dr. Irene's site - there's a lot of treasure in it. It may not seem like it sometimes, but God loves you & doesn't want you, or any of his children, hurting. I don't know your religious denomination, but I found ALOT of strenght in the Prayer of Jabez - look it up in any search engine, a book about it will come up. It's a little book & it's short - but the strength it gives is amazing!!! I wish you God's love and inner strength & peace. You're at this site for a reason - keep it up & YOU'LL GET THERE!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, June 29, 2001

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B1: Submit
Date: Friday, June 29, 2001

S1

I hear you. First, of all, I am very impressed with your articulation. You are a bright woman. Why did it take you so long to figure it our? Don't hang your head. You are a trooper.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, July 10, 2001

S1

adding to story above sorry just had a little more to say I took the verbal abuse test and more than half refers to my marriage and the way my husband is. He always makes me look like the one at fault turning what I say around. Tries to make me fell bad about think about me. Tells me that I only care about me and my feeling and not his. Has always pushed sex on me when I didnt want it and then make me feel bad if I didnt. tells me if I would just give him more attiontion and love and tell him how good he looks now and then maybe he could change the way he is. He thinks that he gives me complements because he tells me how good I look and how sexy I am. And then turns around and tells me how much of a cold hearted bitch I am. OH yes and the just joking things all the time he is rude to me or says that he was just joking about it and didnt really mean it I cant take a joke or i should have known that he was joking. Or he says I only say those things because it hurts me when you dont want to have sex with me. Here is one thing that he was just joking about one morning he wanted to have sex and I didnt it was my time of the month and I had to get up and get ready for work so I said no but he kept bugging me he said well I dont have to put it in. (sorry if to much detail there) and I still said no. So he got up and said well I guess a hand or a blow job is out of the question boy you sure do know how to treat your man!!! (sorry again for the detail).

That evening I told him that I didnt like to be talking to that way that it was disrepectful and rude and he was talking to me like I was his whore not his wife.

And he was well you know I was just JOKING!!! I was like no sorry I didnt take that as a joke at all.

And well there are alot more stories where that one came from.

thanks again, monica

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, July 19, 2001

S1

July 18, 2001

This reply is to the person who has a fiance of four years. If he hits you or keeps you from leaving the house you may be able to get a preliminary protective order against him. Call your local abuse hot line in your county or call the juvenile and domestic relations at your courthouse to get details. If you do this and it is granted don't let him back in the house or you will be blamed for his behavior and made to feel guilty, the abuse will get worse. He can get help but live somewhere else. Don't believe his promises. I made this mistake myself. I let him come home and the abuse got worse. I'm still with this person but I know I need to leave. Keep a journal of the abuse and whatever you do don't let him see it. You can receive a lot of help from your local agencies. Give them a call. They have group couseling, safe house, etc. Good luck to you. Monica

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, July 21, 2001

S1

Just read Ladybug's story from Jan 2, 2001......OMG I felt she was describing me! (except to physical stuff) Thank you for sharing your story!

KG

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, July 28, 2001

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for the june 14, post swarren. your story sounds similar to mine. the undecided stay for the child the security of somewhere to live starting over is so scarry. I cancelled my divorce too about 2 years ago now I wish I had not done this, lost money and my sanity at the same time. We need to ask ourselves is it worth our child seeing all this. I am also numb with everthing, I know I do not Love him much anymore for all he has done to me, but I do still care if that makes sence. How can you Love someone who shows no sympathy, empathy or caring back?

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, August 08, 2001

S1

This is to China, April 2, 2001: Well I can tell you from experience that though it is not easy, it can be done. There really are a wealth of support systems out there if you start digging. I too, had reservations about leaving because of the expense of raising children by oneself. However, nothing can compare to the cost of the child's emotional needs not being met in a home that is dysfunctional and abusive. I know that I was never my best as a parent when I was in the middle of this abusive relationship. And he was not at his best as a parent either. The effects of all this was devastating on my daughter. And now I am raising her and my 6 month old son alone. No child support from him. No physical support(he lives 550 miles away). And I am having to pay for therapy for my daughter as a result of this relationship. So, no money in the world could ever be enough to cover the cost of her emtional health.

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, August 11, 2001

S1