The CatBox Forum

Ask The Doc Board


8/14 Interactive Board: Accepting Reality - Or Not

2/9 Interactive Board: What Do I Do?

4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

 6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!



Comments for Watch

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyright© 1998-2001. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

Thursday January 24, 2002


Monday February 04, 2002

I wrote an e-mail to Mr Misner, and I was absolutly amazed at quickly he responded and the excellent insight to his response. First I gave him some basic background information, he was able to identify some problems just by this info, that although I already knew about, had not done much in the way of changing. He validated some issue I am having with my teenage daughter and just really gave me some things to really think about. I reread his response very so often and I have really made the effort to put to use his excellent ideas in ways of handling some of the issue in my life. I really just wanted to let everyone know that might read this, it really is worth the time to write Mr Misner and wait for his response.

Tuesday February 19, 2002

I believe my wife is verbally abusive. she sleeps in another room and is always angry about something.

I don't know if leaving would help the children(sophmores in college and highschool).

I think that 20 years has taken a toll on me. I was having an affair, that has ended but i am very lonesome.

Monday February 25, 2002

Dear very lonesome, Was your wife always this way? When did it start? After the affair? I can only guess. But, it could be your cheating was like stabbing her in the heart. If you really love her you must tell her and show her. Ask for her forgiveness. Ask what you must do to regain her love. Go back in time. Start back when you were courting her. Go on dates. It is very hard to regain a trust. Work your butt off. Wayne L. Misner

Saturday March 02, 2002

There were all kinds of red flags, but I was very good at rationalizing them away. His sister telling me that I was a good influence on him and that he'd changed for the better since meeting me, only helped me delude myself into believing that my trusting open nature would rub off on him. Also, when I did confront him, he acted sorry and ammended his behavior, at least enough to ease my fears. After we married, he got the big guns out. After 11 years of taking emotional and physical hits, I can take no more. This will be my second divorce and I am very very grieved by that, but I've gained too much self-respect to stay where I am not treated with diginty. I have learned my lesson about red flags!


Tuesday March 05, 2002

Hi Becky, I don’t know if any children are part of this relationship. Also is he willing to get help? My goal in life has never been nor ever will be, to break up relationships. My goal starts with warning both males and females don’t get into a relationship if the red flags are there. Once in the relationship and the red flags appear I encourage the parties to seek out help. Of course if they refuse I do encourage the relationship to end. So lacking the information now, I ask for both parties to go get help. Wayne L. Misner

Tuesday March 05, 2002

Hi, Thanks for your reply. No, there are no children. We tried marriage counseling twice over the years; both times he went for awhile then quit.

He believes that he is abusive because I make him that way. He has also told me that he can't change with me; that I make that impossible. He has made it clear that he expects me to do what he wants me to do, despite how I may feel, then "see" if his behavior changes. In other words, he takes no responsibility.

He is controlling, manipulative and can be extremely viscious in the things he says. Many of his ideas about women and marriage are disrespectful to both. He can also be physically threatening. These things were all there before; just toned down enough to help me rationalize them away.

Thanks again for your reply, Becky

Tuesday April 30, 2002

wayne, how wonderful you are for givin your time to try to help us, how lucky we are, if only i could do as im instructed to do, i could get better, but you sure do get me thru some bad bad hrs, and i just want to say , thankyou, veta or oceanblews@aol.com

Wednesday May 08, 2002

One probably stupid question, does hunting qualify as cruelty to animals. I don't think so, as a battered husband who is also an avid bird hunter. I think that red flag must be viewed with some caution.

Monday June 10, 2002

i am in my second marriage. my first marriage came about because i felt that i needed to "legitimize" myself because i was 24 and dating and people in my office would say things like "oh a new one, that's 5 so far this year" etc...plus my mother was diagnosed with cancer so i wanted her to be at my wedding before she passed away. needless to say i only knew the guy for 8 months before marrying him. then my mother died a few months later and i decided i needed to have a baby immediately. so 9 months later i was a mother. 2 years later i realized i had made a big mistake marrying this guy. i was just so not happy with him. i tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn't so i figured i would just make things work out, even though i was not happy. 2 years after that i met husband #2. he was mr. executive, vice president, and all that. i saw him as my knight in shining armor. i started having an affair and 2 months later my husband found out. i then felt that there was no going back. this is it i have to make this work with #2. he is going to "save" me and make everything alright.

there were definitely redflags when i started living with him. he didn't like me wearing my tennis skirt in town, or trying to have a good relationship with my ex (for my daughter's sake) or falling asleep in my daughter's bed (when she was scared and didn't want to be alone), etc...but i of course chose to look the other way and make excuses for his behavior.

now after 6 years i've basically had enough of his possessive crap. i am so miserable. it's time to move on. i've tried to make changes, with counseling and talking about my feelings, but nothing. it's "all my fault" or "i provoked him to say hurtful things" ...well i'm really tired of it. i'm so unhappy and depressed about my marriage. i have even thought of suicide, but i wouldn't do that to my precious daughters. i HAVE gone as far as cutting myself out of hopelessness and frustration, but don't do that anymore. my friends are so supportive.

that's my story. and soon i will file for a separation or divorce. there's a lot of money involved so i have to figure out what to do and how he is least likely to screw me based on the narcissistic, vindictive, nasty person that he is.

thanks for listening.

Saturday June 29, 2002

I have a question. I love my boyfriend, we've been together for 1 1/2 yrs now. But, he is the worst housekeeper I've ever seen. All his dishes are dirty and all over the house. There are clothes, trash and junk everywhere. You have to step over everything when you visit just to get to the couch and once you get there, you have to FIND a place on the couch to sit down. There is spilled food on the countertops, trash all over the floor, half empty plates in the living room, opened canned goods on the counter. And stacks, piles of paper everywhere. I can't stand it. I've made it known to him, but he hasn't changed much. Is this a reason to not marry him? In everything else, he's wonderful. He treats me well. He's kind and considerate. But, his house is a mess!

Sunday December 29, 2002


Friday March 07, 2003

Saturday April 05, 2003

Friday June 06, 2003

Hello, My husband and I have always talked about retiring early together. We had planned to retire this May, but due to economics have pushed that date back for another year. Now I have been informed that where I work will be closing in December, 2005. I have thought about continuing to work until that time - there are advantages - I can continue to contribute to my 403B plan and get the company match - my Social Security benefits will be greater when I qualify for them. I will be eligible for unemployment benefits when work closes. My husband is so thrilled with the idea that he will could stay home while I keep working that it is making me think I will resent continuing working. Today he had a day off and I had to work. He couldn't resist rubbing it in that he was going golfing and I had to work. I told him it wasn't fair for him to rub it in, that I didn't do that when the situation is reversed. He said "Yes, you did." - the last time you had a day off you said "Have a good day." I then pointed out that I tell him that everyday - not just when he has to work and I dont. He told me that I should continue to work because I was younger than him. (I think his brother was responsible for that.) I think that if we can both retire at the same time with enough money, why not? Thanks for your input.

Friday June 06, 2003

Some one ask me to marry him but i refuse, i do not say why i say no. when he asks me why i did not marry him i say i am not just ready to take responsbilities and he refused this and says i can take all the responsibilities for you and for me is he right? and i am not sure that he loves me . thanks i want your advice soon. thanks in advance magi

Wednesday June 11, 2003

Hi, I have read both of Pat Evan's books. I fit every page to a T. My husband of mnay years is an anger addict, controlling, name calling, everything is just a joke, it goes on and on. I have decided to leave, but I am having a hard time getting my courage. I have been to therapy, he also went but we both stopped. I in a good finanical position. How do you approch the children? How to I approach him?

Friday July 11, 2003

Friday July 11, 2003

Friday July 11, 2003

Tuesday July 29, 2003

I'm just getting out of a verbally abusive relationship. I've been with this guy for 8 months now and our relationship is always up and down. He got caught cheating with his ex. I forgave him and took him back. Everything was fine for about 2 weeks but after that he would leave pictures of his ex laying around knowing that it would upset me. When confronted, he would call me names and say that I was too sensitive and insecure. I would burst into tears and he would say that I was crazy and immature. Eventhough I still love him, I can't get back with him because he has hurt me so much. There was nothing he liked about me. He complained about the way I drived, the way I talked, the food I ate. I mean you name it and he did it all. I can't even tell you half of the story because it would take days. This guy really needs help but there is nothing I can do. Please pray for me.


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