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4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

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Comments for Too Guilty

Comments:  Too Guilty

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2005. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

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April 07, 2005
11:41 AM

Elizabeth, you have the means to make your move now... And it would be a really, really good idea to do it sooner rather than later. Leave first, talk later. If your husband knows you're leaving, it's probable that the abuse will escalate. Cover your tracks on the Internet... Clear your browser cache and your Internet history so that your husband doesn't discover this site. Can your son stay with any nearby relatives? (Wasn't sure from your post if the in-laws are in Ohio or NY) Better than having him stay behind with an out-of-control man. Regardless, do not stay because of your son. You are in danger, and so is your little Basenji. If you have to get out of there on a moment's notice, the local humane society may be able to find temporary lodgings for your dog while you stay at a shelter. Take a deep breath, start collecting and copying the documents you need for your records, pack those keepsakes in the trunk of your car, and get outta there! (((Hugs))), Astreja

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April 07, 2005
11:45 AM

I agree with Dr. Irene!! Go join the Catbox! You'll be suprised how much your situation relates to all of us. I'm only thirteen and I've been through the same thing. Please consider joining. Chantilly_lace

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April 07, 2005
01:31 PM

Hi Elizabeth, I completely agree w/ Dr. Irene's advice. It sounds to me that you have a very loving and caring son who would not want to see you in pain one moment longer. Thankfully, he is grown and he can take care of himself. I think it's time to get all your affairs in order (make sure to bring all important papers and documentation you may need) and go to NY! You know in your heart you need to leave, you have spent so long in abuse and it's time to live an abuse-free life. I KNOW you will be happy you left once you do it. Abuse intensifies over time, the look you saw by your H may be an indication of that. I'm glad you are planning to take your dog. Additionally if he can be physically cruel to an animal then in my opinion the next step is being physically cruel to you. And yes, join the Catbox. You will find tons of support there:) God Bless and best of luck! Sofia

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April 07, 2005
01:33 PM

Dear Elizabeth YOU ARE STRONG!! Look at you! You have lasted So many years while living with abuse. You are a survivor! You can do this. You have raised a son who loves you. You have a support system to lean on in NY. GO for it! Claim your life back! Elizabeth, can you help your son find a small apartment with a friend so that he wont be living with his dad? You should not stay just b/c of your son. He is reaching for his own life at this point ...SO SHOULD YOU! Your VAH is a dangerous man. Do Not take your situation lightly. Do what Dr. Irene has said and GET OUT!! Come on over to the Catbox...lots of help and support there!

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April 07, 2005
04:20 PM

Dr Irene has given you excellent advice and plan. it is so hard to break free, emotionally. I agree your son is old enough to take care of himself--although it is always hard to stop worrying about your child. but he needs a happy healthy mother, too. you are blessed to have supportive people offering you shelter. sometimes it seems that the world has become so cold that meeting these warm people sometimes seems...and if you've been abused, well it is hard sometimes to accept that people want to help you because they LIKE you! join the catbox. not only is everyone supportive but you'll find a safe palce to vent and work out your thoughts.

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April 07, 2005
05:14 PM

Oh please don't change your plans based on what your son might do. You have already seen how eaisly he changes his mind. I have only one son myself and have spent my life making decisions based on his needs. It does not work. Your son is grown now and it is a part of his growing process to go his own way...and he WILL. As doctor Irene says, you have done your job and now is the time to think about yourself. It sounds like you have a wonderful plan and if your son needs you...he knows where to find you. This is a perfect time for the both of you to start an exciting new life. Go for it baby!!!!!

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April 07, 2005
06:34 PM

Hi Elizabeth, I hope you do join us on the Catbox. It is a helpful and supportive place to be part of with a lot of people who have experienced similar situations to your own. I have sons 18 and 19. They "need" their mother because I am there. If I was not there I am sure they would fend for themselves quite well. My sons are in a very different relationship with their father than I was. As a young adult male your son would not be in the same danger physically that you are. As long as your son has friends he has options if the home situation isn't the best. Your son is old enough to make his own choices. Actually I lived away from home and family at 19 and did not regard it as a big issue. I am sure your son will be fine. As was already pointed out he can change his mind and either follow you or go back to his original plan. I do think you should get a medical check. I also know you need to be out of there. You are also important as are your needs. Another aspect to consider is that by leaving not only are you doing the right thing by yourself but you are showing your son that abuse is not acceptable. Check out the safety plan. The one thing I will advise you to do is to not tell your husband you are going. Leave him a note or call him later. Your departure is safest if he does not know it is coming. No one deserves to live in fear. You do deserve your life back.

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April 08, 2005
02:04 AM

Dear Elizabeth: I read all this stuff on this site. Not a single bit of it is an option for me. It's not only impossible, but also improbable for me. I also have four kids. Do what you can, and leave. I pray every night that I die. I can't take it anymore. I am dead while alive. YOU have a way out. Your son is grown. Go for it!  

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April 08, 2005
05:51 AM

Hi Elizabeth Leave! Go! You got good advise and a plan which will work well. As you can see, you have quite a lot of supporters as well. I wish you the best and a lot of strenght! FOR THE LAST SUBMITTER: I don't think dying is an option but I know what you mean (had I similar thoughts as well....) Reading your post just makes me sad. There must be a way for you as well. I have four children (one grown up), I've managed to leave better said kick him out some time ago. Kids, animals, debts, no money etc. Life is still not easy now (mainly financial reasons) but living only with the children and having hardly any contact improved our life in a lot of ways. FOR BOTH OF YOU the verse or chorus of a song by Will Young: I think I better leave right now Before I fall any deeper I think I better leave right now Feeling weaker and weaker Somebody better show me out Before I fall any deeper Think I better leave right now.... Good luck to both of you.

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April 08, 2005
08:28 AM

Your son might have decided not to go so he can protect you. Maybe your son wants to be involved in the safety plan. Explore his real reasons for staying.

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April 08, 2005
08:51 AM

There are two benefits that following through with your plan will give to your son. (1) His mother will live a long and healthy life, and be there for him either for help or to reflect back to him a parent's pride and approval of the adult life he makes for himself. (Unrelenting stress can take a huge toll on your health, I know from experience, not to mention what physical abuse can do if it comes to that) (2)It will give a good example to him, that you do not have to tolerate abuse. You can get help, and make a good life for yourself, free from abuse. (I never thought that my son at age 19 would become involved in an emotionally abusive relationship, but that is exactly what happened. When I say it is not right for her to be saying these things to you, his answer is "I remember Dad saying the same things." Well this is not good! I am saying do as I say and not as I have done, and so he does not get it.)

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April 08, 2005
04:47 PM

Hi everyone. I just want you all to know that I went to the doctor and they couldn't find anything physical wrong -- they're pretty sure it was just a panic attack -- I have to say I was really scared. I'd never felt like that before. I've been so overwhelmed by your responses (and thank you, Dr. Irene) that I haven't had a chance to digest everything yet. What I do know is I won't be feeling quite so guilty now and am going ahead with my plans to get the heck out of Dodge. I did some sorting this morning and got some stuff into the trunk of my car just in case the time comes sooner than I expect; I also made a list of things I need to take care of and am well on my way after years of dreaming of this day. Thanks all. I'll give more information in a couple of days!  I'm glad you got medically cleared!!!! Yea!!! I'm also sorry if my message was frightening to you, but because heart issues and panic often look exactly alike, I have no choice but to urge you to get it checked out. Now you may want to see your doc about the panic since a little bit of medication can help you get thru what you need to with much more ease. I'll be back to reply to you very soon.

Thank you CatBoxers for being there... Dr. Irene

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April 10, 2005
10:22 PM

Dear Elizabeth, Sounds like you are a smart and organized person. It is easy to give advice to leave, but much harder to do it. I have been there. My advice is this. Don't live your life in a fantasy world like I did for so many years, dreaming of the day I would be free. Life is precious and short and needs to be lived fully and without fear. Do what is best for yourself, only you know what that is, no one can live your life for you. As for feeling guilty about your son, I understand that too. I care more for my children than for myself. You are a better mother, however, if you take care of yourself, than if you don't. If mom is happy, everyone is happy. It's true. Keep writing, the catbox is always here. Your friend, Joni

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April 11, 2005
01:27 PM

Hi. Elizabeth again. It was a quiet weekend -- I worked some this weekend, but mostly took the opportunity to relax. I do have a question for you, Dr. Irene. I have been a member of the CatBox for a couple of years now and had been advised by several of the other members that when I leave, I should just leave and not tell him. They are correct. Doing that goes against everything in my personality, but I don't want to set VAH off any more than I have to since my son is still living at home. What is your advice? Why set yourself up for more difficulty? The reason you leave unannounced with him out of the house is to prevent a scene which may or may not turn violent. You don't owe him a warning. Once you are gone, you can let him know you are OK.

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April 12, 2005
06:32 PM

Elizabeth . . . I too feel mother's guilt often. My boys are 22, 20 and my daughter is almost 18. recently remarried and she chose to live with her father cuz he is at the 'homestead' where she grew up where her friends are and where she goes to school. I only moved 25 minutes away, but she still wanted to be close to her friends. this was a real blow to me, as she told me only weeks before I was to remarry. My new husband and I had made plans on her being with us, but all that changed. It has been a painful adjustment after the divorce, but living with supportive friends helped me TREMENDOUSLY emotionally and financially and socially. I encourage you to follow through on your plan to move. Your boy is grown up. I know it's terribly hard, almost impossible not to feel guilty at leaving, but you are showing him great respect by respecting his decision. After I left my X of 23 yrs, my daughter, who was 15 at the time said, "Mom, I used to hear other girls say how proud of their mothers they are and it always bothered me that I couldn't say the same thing. But, now that you have left dad, I am very proud of you for not putting up with his crap any more." She has told me a few times that because I had the strength to stand for myself, she knows she has learned valuable lessons and how to better respect herself. Elizabeth, You are not alone. It is so difficult doing what you have decided to do, but you know it is the right thing to do. Have confidence with your inner voice. It will guide you well! HUGS, TAHWANDAAAAAAAAAAAA

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April 12, 2005
10:32 PM

Hi Elizabeth. It sounds to me like the decision you are making is clear and that you know you need to go. If you stay longer you are only going to suffer more damage to you self esteem. It is so hard to go, and doing it now while you are mentally and emotionally prepared, will make it better. I think because of the nature of everything, our fears and emotions throw these huge roadblocks in front of us. If it wasn't something about your son, you would feel it from a different source. I think your son is old enough to learn a few life lessons. It's not ideal to have him stay with your husband, but neither is having you be in a dangerous situation. There isn't a good choice that fits all of your needs, but by leaving, you will be stronger and you will provide a better place for your son to come to if he needs to. Best wishes for your future, quirk

Dear Elizabeth, Good luck to you and may God bless you and yours! Dr. Irene, April 14, 2005.

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April 14, 2005
10:41 PM

Dear Elizabeth, I left my husband two years ago. I was terrified and I felt tremendous guilt. The divorce isn't final yet and even trying to get that taken care of can be scary. The things I havn't blocked out I still remember so vividly. I still don't feel as though I have power when I deal with him, but the beautiful thing is that I hardly ever have to deal with him. Most of the time I can go about my life and be my own person. I am still healing from the emotional scars and I will be for a long time. I know how the guilt can be. You sit there, and though you know you should leave you keep thinking up reasons not to. Some are valid, some are less so. This may sound rediculous, but this kind of thing works for me. If you feel guilty about leaving your son, try to realize that he is grown now. He has options and will be moving out of the house soon anyhow. He tells you to go. You should go. Think about your poor dog (as well as poor you). Realize that your dog is probably quite frightened of the man as well. Your dog can't protect himself like your son can. Your dog has no choice but to sit and take it like a small child. Your child is grown and you can continue to be a parent to him from a distance. Your dog will never be grown and you need to be a parent to it now. Love your dog, but most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF! Take a stand. I know from experience. When I was with my husband I had no power at all. He could twist my words and always seemed to be able to hurt me more than I ever hurt him with my weak comebacks. The one power that was left to me was to leave. Take that power now and take care of yourself. Much love to you, Elizabeth.

 

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April 16, 2005
09:39 AM

Dear Dr. Irene, Thank you for this awesome forum! I am blessed to have found it. In the week that I have been here, I have been trying to "do the work" on myself, an abuser. I have been married for 9 years, and my awareness of my problem has not been anything to write home about. My second business crashed and burned, I had to move my family to another state, which was also traumatic. When my wife arrived in the new state, she felt isolated because her support group was a state away. It didn't take her long to "snap" as she put it. She went home for a week and out came her PTSD. She extended her stay. Somehow this was my needed wake up call. My wife *seems* to want to come back and work it out, but our therapist is placing strict guidelines upon us. Which I welcome. My wife is doing work to set boundaries and heal from the trauma of the abuse. She is using the distance as a way to enforce her boundaries. I have been serious about doing the important work on myself. I have been getting feedback from posters in the Catbox. From my angle, interacting with them is awkward in many cases. I'm not getting a warm reception from most. A couple of women have been very encouraging. I'm worried. I have not had an official diagnosis yet about these narcissistic traits I exhibit. But I'm worried that my prognosis for recovery might be grim. Our therapist appears to have encouraged my wife to stay put until I get at least 4 sessions of EMDR therapy. She believes that this many sessions will make a noticeable difference in my child work. My interactions with the posters is awkward and klutzy. I question my every step I take now, my every possible motive. I'm not certain even what I want to ask you. I'm looking for hope. Some of the things posted on the internet about abusers is not encouraging. Is there any wisdom you could offer that can give me something to hold on to? I'm scared. I'm shell shocked that what I thought was love for my wife might be some sick control connection and nothing more; some narcissistic supply. When I read the specifics of narcissistic supply; like the adoration. That doesn't sound like me. But some of the abusive patterns do sound like me. I can't tell if the animosity from the posters is them working out their pain to some degree, or if it's all me. Any advice or feedback? I'm not feeling too good about my situation right about now. My logon is skeezix35. My email is listed there.

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April 16, 2005
09:14 PM

when you stop believing him , he will be leaving you.a part of the abuse cycle

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April 18, 2005
02:29 PM

I agree with Dr. Irene. It is time for you to liberate yourself and enjoy life instead of living a life of fear. Your son is of the age that you have given him the tools to put in his toolbox, and he should know how to use those tools. If he needs you, you'll still be there for him and he can count on that. I think you are brave for making this decision. And I understand your feelinggs of anxiety, but just take a step back, look at the whole picture, take a deep breath and jump. By now you know how to swim. Good luck

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April 19, 2005
10:14 PM

Dear Elizabeth: I think you should go and not look back. You have the intelligence, capacity, and the strength to do it, go. Your son will respect you for it in the future and you should not worry about him at all; this will make him stronger as well. PS. Your husband needs to get off his ass and find his own remote control!

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April 24, 2005
05:51 PM

I was one of those codependant people who stayed with a verbally abusive man for 25 years. I was waiting until the kids were "grown", just like you Elizabeth. I left 3 years ago, and moved 100 miles away. After about a year, my youngest son (who was still living at his dads) decided to take my advice and come live here for a while for a change and a new opportunity. THE SAME THING THAT I GOT! He took me up on it, and now he is the best he has EVER been. Once he got on his feet, he got his own place in the same town I am in. Later, his older brother who had by this time, got addicted to drugs, getting into trouble, not working, etc, moved here for a fresh start. (Here I go enabling again) LOL, but it has worked out for the best for him as well. It was NOT easy, and I sacrificed ALOT. The point is I guess, once they got away from all the negativity, they like myself, began to bloom, and it was a joy to see this in my children. (Even though the oldest sure wore me down financially and emotionally along the way) Just go Elizabeth, walk out on faith, its what I did, and I like you only took a few posessions. I gave him that nasty house, moved back with my family and never looked back. Now he can yell and scream at somebody else. My first rule after making my new life 3 years ago was NOTHING NEGATIVE crosses my threshold. Nobody talks disrespectful to me. I am enjoying my live FINALLY. I hope you can do the same. If I can do this, ANYBODY can. Good luck Elizabeth. Kesha.

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May 04, 2005
11:17 PM

Ride like the wind Bulls Eye!!!!!!!!

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May 08, 2005
09:31 PM

what is she doing to make her husband angry? She might be the root of the problem.

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July 29, 2005
09:34 PM

Elizabeth, although it may feel like it, there would be nothing loving to your son in staying. My mother stayed with a verbally and physically abusive man her entire life. Maybe at some point she thought she 'did it for the children.' But all i ever wanted, from the bottem of my heart, was for her to leave him so that I could get to know her as a whole person, not the shattered spirit she always was. You are depriving your son of your true self if you stay. Please leave, don't let my mother and my tragedy be yours. In time you will heal and he will be blessed with a powerful, self-respecting, whole mother. You are shattered right now and not thinking clearly, please leave and let a miracle take place in your life. Living a path of love, for yourself, for the partner you are with, is the best example and relationship you can give your son. Good luck, I'll say a prayer for you.

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August 21, 2005
09:37 PM

Your son is old enough and he can be left to sort out his own life but be prepared that in later years he will try to make you feel guilty that you left him. I did the same to my son and now, 25 years later he writes that I left him and tries to lay guilt at my door. He is a successful business man a good husband and father , so I do not know where he has gone wrong that he can blame me. I do not let it bother me and am telling you this so you can be strong and be prepared and are ready to let it pass if it happens to you. I have found that trying to justify your actions never works . Just know what you do is right and have confidence in this fact. Go for it and get a new life for yourself. You deserve it.All the very best, Lorraine

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August 28, 2005
05:33 PM

I am in the web. Im in the thickest, strongest and unbreakable web ever known to man. It clings to me ever so tightly holding me in the center as she sucks the life from me. I am her prey and she slowly prowls around me, stalking me and sucking every inch, of what was known as me, out. She is ruthless and evil. She doesnt care about ones pain or agony, as long as she gets what she wants and needs. She loves to hear you beg for your life and she loves to watch you die a slow and painful death. She will smother you with her lies and her deceipt until you are no longer a man. She will take what was once a proud, happy-go-lucky, confident, knew where he was going in life, great career, great friends and secure man and turn him into a fly that just got caught in her web. She will turn your world upside down. There is no escape, if you feel you love her and if you believe her words "I love you". Your life has just been turned upside down with no place to go. When you feel strong and you just cant take the pain any longer, you try to leave her to no avail. You go for it...she has gone into her hole of darkness but she feels the struggle on her web and comes racing out to stop you. So there is no escape. Just in case you try it again, she spins her web bigger and stronger with super glue on the outer edges of her web. There is no escape. She hears you scream so she eases back on the feeding frenzie of our mind, heart and soul. However, this is only temperary relief. She will soon need another fix for her ego and she will come out to play again and again. She needs to hear all men tell her how sexy and beautiful she is, at any expense. She will say or do ANYTHING to get that fix. A married man, an engaged man, her friends man, her mans best friend or some unexpecting stranger will be her targets. It doesnt matter who or where her prey comes from, as long as she gets her fix. She will take it and absorb all that she can. She really doesnt have any friends because they see her venomous ways. The only people she is surrounded by are the men who are wowed by her beauty and taken by her sexuality. She marks her turf with her sex spray with no regard for herself or her lover. She will show these men what most of them want, as long as they feed her needs. You try and try to escape but there is no outlet because she has taken the life from you and turned you into a weak and submissive boy. A once proud man is now turned into a beaten down fool with no chance for escape. You are terrified but and hopeless. You know if you could just get to the edge of that web and jump off you would be in a much happier place. A place where love, respect and your words actually mean something exist. It is a fantasy world but it is nice to dream about it. You have seen it some time ago and have read about it but it seems like just a myth. Is the world really round or is it flat? You hope that the world is flat because maybe then one could ride on a river and take it to the ends of the earth and hopefully fall off and be out of this hellish world! But, of course, it is round and things just keep going around and around with no hope for change. It is the world of the narcissist. This is her world and you are just a pawn. When you feel your lowest, she will you pick you up just long enough so you can feed her needs. Is there light in this world? Is there a sun? It is dark and painful with no place left to go. Will the pain ever stop? Will she ever stop sucking the life out of us? Please God help me/us for I/we are in hell!! Her words are just that-WORDS. She will say anything to satify a moment of conflict. What is left if words are just words? What is left when you are standing there with her and she is staking out her next victim? She doesnt care who is around. If you say anything, you are the one who is insecure. She will go out with friends only to get her fix. She will tell the men anything they want to hear. She will let them feel her up as she seduces every single one of them. She doesnt care if she is in a committed relationship that she had steered in that direction. It all about her fix. She doesnt care who is around because she needs her fix. She has to be the center of attention especially around the men. She thirsts for their lust and she feeds upon it like a pig in its pen. Eating it up like there is no tomorrow and throwing it up just so she can feed some more. She has no shame nor respect for her body or anyone involved in her life. She needs to feel and feed on a mans lust like a baby needs its mothers touch and love or it will die. It is life or death for her for she needs to eat. She eats all the lust she can suck out of you and then spits you out like a piece of used meat. Some, if they are willing to keep feeding her, will be kept around. These are the men who will suffer a great deal because all that they held in high regard will be lost in her dark and cruel world. This vicious woman will feed anywhere and everywhere...the bars, internet, work, family(yes she will use even a cousin or two for her need of sex and lust), friends, husbands, boyfriends...it doesnt matter. She is the devil herself and only cares to feed her needs. God help me/us!!! What does a man do when he is caught in such a miserable web? There is no escape because she knows your weaknesses. She knows how to keep you alive lomg enough to suck more life out of you at her will. She knows everything about you and your world. She can feel the vibrations in her web when you try to escape and comes racing after you like a mother chasing a runaway child. She will hold you, kiss you, say all the right things(even though there isnt anything behind her words), touch you, promise you and make love to you until she gets you back into her web. The more you go back the more she takes away from you. Soon your own family will not know who you are. You will become a different persom for everything you held dear is sucked out of you by the blood thirsty narcissist. Please, if you are reading this, dont be like me!!!!! You will live in a life of hell. I am writing this to warn all that may encounter her. She is out there lurking. She is waiting out there for YOU!! She will dress in that hot little skirt with the form fitted shirts and lure you in. She will wear those flirting shirts like "trixies taxi cab" or "bazookas". Dont go near her-RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!! Hopefully she wont catch you. She also has that sexy look in her eyes as she hunts you down, so dont look. If you do look, you will end up getting your life sucked out of you. You will wish you had looked at Medusa instead of the narcissist, for the pain you will eventually feel will be so intense, you will wish you had been turned to stone the first time you had ever laid your eyes upon her. God save us!! She has no shame or respect for anyone including herself. She will tell you she has a boyfriend and how unhappy she is. She will tell you that her current relationship is lacking touching, listening and sex. Let me be clear- there will be a BIG emphasis on the lack of touching and sex that she is lacking. Let that be your first clue!! No one man can satisfy all of her needs for she needs every mans attention. She will do whatever it takes no matter the cost of friendship or family! Be aware!! She is lurking. God help me/us!!!!!!!!!! The victim, Dale

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August 28, 2005
05:35 PM

I am in the web. Im in the thickest, strongest and unbreakable web ever known to man. It clings to me ever so tightly holding me in the center as she sucks the life from me. I am her prey and she slowly prowls around me, stalking me and sucking every inch, of what was known as me, out. She is ruthless and evil. She doesnt care about ones pain or agony, as long as she gets what she wants and needs. She loves to hear you beg for your life and she loves to watch you die a slow and painful death. She will smother you with her lies and her deceipt until you are no longer a man. She will take what was once a proud, happy-go-lucky, confident, knew where he was going in life, great career, great friends and secure man and turn him into a fly that just got caught in her web. She will turn your world upside down. There is no escape, if you feel you love her and if you believe her words "I love you". Your life has just been turned upside down with no place to go. When you feel strong and you just cant take the pain any longer, you try to leave her to no avail. You go for it...she has gone into her hole of darkness but she feels the struggle on her web and comes racing out to stop you. So there is no escape. Just in case you try it again, she spins her web bigger and stronger with super glue on the outer edges of her web. There is no escape. She hears you scream so she eases back on the feeding frenzie of our mind, heart and soul. However, this is only temperary relief. She will soon need another fix for her ego and she will come out to play again and again. She needs to hear all men tell her how sexy and beautiful she is, at any expense. She will say or do ANYTHING to get that fix. A married man, an engaged man, her friends man, her mans best friend or some unexpecting stranger will be her targets. It doesnt matter who or where her prey comes from, as long as she gets her fix. She will take it and absorb all that she can. She really doesnt have any friends because they see her venomous ways. The only people she is surrounded by are the men who are wowed by her beauty and taken by her sexuality. She marks her turf with her sex spray with no regard for herself or her lover. She will show these men what most of them want, as long as they feed her needs. You try and try to escape but there is no outlet because she has taken the life from you and turned you into a weak and submissive boy. A once proud man is now turned into a beaten down fool with no chance for escape. You are terrified but and hopeless. You know if you could just get to the edge of that web and jump off you would be in a much happier place. A place where love, respect and your words actually mean something exist. It is a fantasy world but it is nice to dream about it. You have seen it some time ago and have read about it but it seems like just a myth. Is the world really round or is it flat? You hope that the world is flat because maybe then one could ride on a river and take it to the ends of the earth and hopefully fall off and be out of this hellish world! But, of course, it is round and things just keep going around and around with no hope for change. It is the world of the narcissist. This is her world and you are just a pawn. When you feel your lowest, she will you pick you up just long enough so you can feed her needs. Is there light in this world? Is there a sun? It is dark and painful with no place left to go. Will the pain ever stop? Will she ever stop sucking the life out of us? Please God help me/us for I/we are in hell!! Her words are just that-WORDS. She will say anything to satify a moment of conflict. What is left if words are just words? What is left when you are standing there with her and she is staking out her next victim? She doesnt care who is around. If you say anything, you are the one who is insecure. She will go out with friends only to get her fix. She will tell the men anything they want to hear. She will let them feel her up as she seduces every single one of them. She doesnt care if she is in a committed relationship that she had steered in that direction. It all about her fix. She doesnt care who is around because she needs her fix. She has to be the center of attention especially around the men. She thirsts for their lust and she feeds upon it like a pig in its pen. Eating it up like there is no tomorrow and throwing it up just so she can feed some more. She has no shame nor respect for her body or anyone involved in her life. She needs to feel and feed on a mans lust like a baby needs its mothers touch and love or it will die. It is life or death for her for she needs to eat. She eats all the lust she can suck out of you and then spits you out like a piece of used meat. Some, if they are willing to keep feeding her, will be kept around. These are the men who will suffer a great deal because all that they held in high regard will be lost in her dark and cruel world. This vicious woman will feed anywhere and everywhere...the bars, internet, work, family(yes she will use even a cousin or two for her need of sex and lust), friends, husbands, boyfriends...it doesnt matter. She is the devil herself and only cares to feed her needs. God help me/us!!! What does a man do when he is caught in such a miserable web? There is no escape because she knows your weaknesses. She knows how to keep you alive lomg enough to suck more life out of you at her will. She knows everything about you and your world. She can feel the vibrations in her web when you try to escape and comes racing after you like a mother chasing a runaway child. She will hold you, kiss you, say all the right things(even though there isnt anything behind her words), touch you, promise you and make love to you until she gets you back into her web. The more you go back the more she takes away from you. Soon your own family will not know who you are. You will become a different persom for everything you held dear is sucked out of you by the blood thirsty narcissist. Please, if you are reading this, dont be like me!!!!! You will live in a life of hell. I am writing this to warn all that may encounter her. She is out there lurking. She is waiting out there for YOU!! She will dress in that hot little skirt with the form fitted shirts and lure you in. She will wear those flirting shirts like "trixies taxi cab" or "bazookas". Dont go near her-RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!! Hopefully she wont catch you. She also has that sexy look in her eyes as she hunts you down, so dont look. If you do look, you will end up getting your life sucked out of you. You will wish you had looked at Medusa instead of the narcissist, for the pain you will eventually feel will be so intense, you will wish you had been turned to stone the first time you had ever laid your eyes upon her. God save us!! She has no shame or respect for anyone including herself. She will tell you she has a boyfriend and how unhappy she is. She will tell you that her current relationship is lacking touching, listening and sex. Let me be clear- there will be a BIG emphasis on the lack of touching and sex that she is lacking. Let that be your first clue!! No one man can satisfy all of her needs for she needs every mans attention. She will do whatever it takes no matter the cost of friendship or family! Be aware!! She is lurking. God help me/us!!!!!!!!!! The victim, Dale

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September 25, 2005
04:19 PM

after I pead docs story It scare me Mines alot the same but they put me in jail take kids give them to joint custody of four people he was concerned about my attitude. I was blackmailed into signing a parenting plan To dumd to know or find the rightr lawyer/. Now I am the nut" Hey folks

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October 31, 2005
07:50 PM

Elizabeth I am so happy to hear that you have plans to move to a place far away where friends can give you much deserved love and support. You have sacrificed so much for the sake of your son and your own right to be loved but now it is time to give yourself back the life you have always deserved. Instead of feeling guilty picture how happy your son will be when he comes to visit you and sees his mother experiencing a normal life that is healthy and hopefully happy to boot!!It cannot possibly be good for him to see you in such an abusive environment. I am sure your son sees his parents relationship for what it is and seeing you take control of your life will help him heel right alongside you. My only worry is that you are going to tell your husband face to face. I think that might possibly harm you emotionally never mind physically so please try and leave in a way that does not allow him to harm you or your dog etc any way! Better to be on the safe side. There are lots of people ready to help you with that!!! Good luck to you! I am already picturing you free and happy. I will be thinking of you. :) Maria

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January 02, 2006
04:18 PM

Hi Elizabeth! You need to go... it is not good for your son for you to stay there... please just go. But dont tell him before you go. Tell him after you have gone. Mail him a letter from your town explaining. But just a quick call after yo have left so he does not think you are missing. He may talk you out of it, he may blow up. something in you fears him. we dont need to talk to explain ourselves to abusers, they wont listen to us... it's all about them... that's the problem. my son is 17 nand i am waiting to leave. i wish i had a plan like you. it is so perfect, you are lucky! go and enjoy life! Marie-lyne

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January 31, 2006
12:45 AM

Just go to the doc's get cleared and if OK GO! There's a great big world out there, Elizabeth, your little world will seem very small and distant in no time... God Bless

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March 14, 2006
08:23 PM

dear dr irene my son is 47 years old and hasmoved from across the country back to where we live. the problem is that he has moved in with us he said for a short time and now its goiing on a year... i am sick of him he is rude and does not help with the bills... my husband on the other hand is the complete opposite and doesnt mind him here. My grandson lives with us and he is completeing his last few months of high school. My son come home at night and wakes him and everybody up and gets up in the morning wiht no regard for others. He is so noisy and rude and espcially at night... can you please help me?

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May 09, 2006
01:15 PM

Elizabeth, you should tell your husband you are leaving him. However do it in a letter. Give your job a one or two week notice without your husband's knowledge. On the following Monday, after your husband leaves for work, pack up your items and go. Are you sure he has not pushed you or grabbed you with force before. Hit you in your sleep before, found some means to strike out at you. He has the potential to really hurt you don't take the chance of that happening.