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Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments to Sex Problems

Comments to Sex Problems

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos  Copyrightę 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com.

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, February 21, 2000

S1

Dear Dr. Irene,

I hope this is the appropriate forum to respond to other's emails. I just read, Email: Sex Problems. I was furious with two particular statement that this lady made. I'm not angry at her, per se, I just wish this lady could get help and stand back far enough to get some fresh perspective. The two statements that made me so angry were: He was going through a box of books I had ordered and came across a marriage counseling tape. His statement was that "the only problem around here is that I don't get enough sex." I wonder if she hears the selfishness in that. A marriage is about two people (if not more when children are involved). A marriage is NOT about one person's needs. I could kick this guy where it counts!

The second statement was: So, I try to keep him happy, and work is really the only time that I get out of the house (and I think the only reason this is OK is because I make good money and his greed overrides everything else).

This lady doesn't even realize how abused she's been. She must have no self-esteem whatsoever to even make a statement like that. I don't really have advice for her, other than what you said, "Get help", but I had to respond. I hope she realizes how sick she is, to put up with how sick he is.

(This lady's email, which I posted for her, is why I made this interactive. - Dr. Irene)

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

It seems to me the forcing of sex issue alone makes me wonder about your safety as well as your children's. People go to jail for rape - let alone from the person who claims to love you! He loves himself! Add this together with the way he screams, belittles and scares you...I think you are long over due making a move...and a big one at that. You say that the children are getting to an age where they will start to become affected. Do not kid yourself...I have seen the ill affects that my dysfunctional household has cost my children as young as 2 years old! My ten year old has headaches several times a week. The doctor says that they are stress headaches. At 10 years old!!!! My 5 year old calls daddy a monster. He told his kindergarten teacher that "daddy always yells at mommy. Maybe one day he will stab her with a knife." My husband has never been physical but in his little mind...he worries if something might happen to me...where will that leave them? My 2 year old cries all the time and you can see that he is just an uptight baby that is reacting to his atmosphere. I can't even leave the house without them because they will not stay with my husband! They will stay with my brothers.. so it is not just me they want. All these years I put up with the garbage and figured I would hang in there in hopes that it would get better. When I became so depressed and had several stress related conditions.. I began to think...I am slowly deteriorating. What will it be like a few years from now. It wasn't until I started opening my eyes to what my children felt...then I took action. I gave him an ultimatum. Get help or leave. This can not continue one more day! He knew I meant it and I was at a time when I would have taken any either way. He went on medication and is now being helped for his anger and I must say that things are 76% better around here. It is a long road...but since he is trying I will give him the benefit of the doubt. For your children's sake...please...let this be the day you say NO MORE! Demand that you be treated properly whether it is with or without him. If you can't love yourself enough at this point to gain enough courage then look in the faces of your little ones. The love you have for them will make you strong. Do not ignore it....you and they deserve a happy and safe home. God bless you!

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

Dear Friend in abuse

I am not sure if this is a sex problem as much as it is a control issue. He uses control in all areas not just in the bedroom. Don't let this continue, for your children's sake as well as your own. He sounds just like the LOSER I was dating for seven years while separated from my husband. This man never worked, owed the IRS thousands of dollars hated women and was verbally as well a physically. You say you are confused because sometimes you get along very well...did you ever stop and notice how few of those "precious" moments you share? You share them as long as you don't stir up the water. You will get more and more depressed ( I felt this in your letter) he will continue to wear you down and deplete any self worth you possess, I bet you walk around bent shoulders and if you are carrying the world on them, I know I've been there sweetie. I just got out of a mental hospital (a terrible place to wind up) why was I there? I didn't feel good enough to continue with this life, death sounded more peaceful than living in the same world with this man. I am begging you, don't let it go that far, I am 47 years old, I have two adult children, I have been through some real tragedies in my life but the worst yet was loving this man who was incapable of loving anyone....and that includes himself. Join a Domestic violence support group, they are usually free, don't allow this man to do this to you you are a beautiful perfect human that has dreams, fears, loves, and the right to feel good about the wife and Mother that you are. He is a bully and would make a great organ donor... the sooner the better. I will pray for you, and know that you will receive the strength that he has taken from you free yourself from his cruel and painful actions.

Melody

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2000

S1

I feel for you so much as I'm in a similar situation, except I haven't been raped. I assume that's what you mean by forced. However, I have been coerced through being made to stay awake until I give in. He once argued from midnight to dawn and finally got his way. I wasn't technically physically forced. I removed my clothes to pay up and shut him up.

I took a stand with him and tried to get him to leave several months ago. I almost got him out. His stuff was piled in the living room for a week. He begged, pleaded, promised to sleep on the couch, pay all the bills, etc. Of course, that lasted about six weeks, except sleeping on the couch. However, he quit pressuring me for sex for about a month. I stupidly did so (had sex) about a month later, not under pressure. The pressure came back. Now, he doesn't keep the argument going as long. I can usually keep up the broken record that I'm not going to talk about it. I'm going to sleep. Then he'll stomp off to the kitchen and maybe sob loud enough for me to hear it. He'll ask me why I'm being so mean. He got real mad after we both quit smoking because I wasn't rewarding him for quitting smoking. I told him I didn't ask him to quit. I've been accused of making my period come early just to hurt him. Also, when I don't "do the duty", I'm accused of doing others. Obviously, he says, if I'm not getting it from him, I must be getting it from somewhere. Forget it. I never, NEVER, want to do it again. I chant in my head "Lorena Bobbitt rules" during sex.

I consider myself a good mother and I bet you do too. That's one reason why we do it, to keep things quiet so the children won't be awoken to arguing. This kind of stuff would never have happened to me without a child in my home and without some income difficulties.

Unfortunately, no matter how much you obliterate your soul by trying to please him, the nastiness will creep out among the children anyway. You sound like you have a good income. You can pay your way without hooking.

Be careful, but get out. As Dr Irene said, find a safe place and go to it and the sooner the better.

Also, don't let all these comments about it being your fault for putting up with it stop you. We, at least I, was taught that this is what marriage/relationships are about, albeit indirectly. I remember hearing how my close in age cousin was destroying her marriage by not doing her duty and that he'd leave her if she didn't. I remember a friend showing me dirty pictures under her parents bed and explaining that when you were married you had to do anything he wanted sexually. Many female friends who liked sex before marriage usually hate it within the first year after it becomes an obligation. Even the "good" ones pout a little, but they don't argue about it and make accusations.

Good luck and I'll pray for your escape.

Lt

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2000

S1

I believe sex is like a double-edged sword; it can be a tool for good and a tool for evil. A few years before I married, I was in a relationship with someone who was very kind and loving toward me. This was reciprocated as we couldn't do enough for each other. One "rule" she had was that before leave-taking or upon coming home, she would get an enthusiastic, loving hug and kiss. If I just appeared at the door and forgot the kiss and hug, she would get angry and pout for 30 min. to an hour. Following that, there were MUTUAL apologies and the making up went straight to the bedroom. I would rather be subjected to short explosive anger always followed by good lovemaking than protracted simmering anger that would go on for days, weeks and longer with no end in sight. That is an example of sex as an expression of love and a tool for good.

Some men (and women) use sex as a weapon. Men (and women) sometimes use rough sex and abusive sex to get twisted pleasure from dominating. If the dominating is in the spirit of role-playing, it then becomes a different story, but neither partner should feel they have irrevocably lost control. Women (and sometimes men) use the withholding of sex as a weapon. This is an equally bad choice for punishment, as it diminishes the eagerness of the victim to participate spontaneously and joyfully.

(behindbluiz@excite.com)

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2000

S1

Get out!! get out!! Get out!! I have learned enough from just reading Dr. Irene to know that you need to GET OUT!! Children may be resilient but they learn what they live...a son may also be an abuser a daughter will put up with what you are putting up with...If you have two young children to raise why do you need three with the third one being big enough to harm you AND the kids!!! YOU ARE WORTHY OF SO MUCH MORE!! Take your love to someone who matters. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, February 24, 2000

S1

Try to wear him out sexually just to see what happens. Give him more sex than he can handle, and you'll probably see that he's STILL not happy. He'll find some way to put you into that "damned if you; damned if you don't" mode. Then you'll see that sex is NOT the volatile issue between you. The volatile issue--that is the real issue--is his control/abuse trip and your dependency. I know. I have lived with this stuff myself. It's awful. Please don't feel bad about yourself. You guys are just caught in some negative patterns. You've got to break the patterns. Pam

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, February 24, 2000

S1

Dear Lady,

It seems to me that now is a good time to remember that British Prime Minister Chamberlain said, "Peace in our time," and by the time he woke up to his mistake, Hitler occupied most of Europe.

Please go to this site: http://www.vaw.umn.edu/Vawnet/mrape.htm You tell us that he forces you to have sex, that he hurts you during sex, and you admit that he has broken things in your house, but you say he isn't physically violent? PLEASE look at what you have said! I think he may be a sex addict, and I know he uses sex to control and humiliate you, tearing down your self respect, which makes you more controllable by HIM.

Your abuser is doing a LOT of very typical abuser stuff. One of the things that bothers me is that he has undermined your support system... your friendships. Now that he has done this, you have lost ALL the other voices that tell you that YOU are the "good guy" and that you don't deserve to be treated like this. Now the only voice you will hear is HIS, and he will finish tearing you to pieces. This did happen to me.

He makes a lot of choices to abuse. You don't make him suffer any consequences for that, so you AND your children ARE suffering the consequences. It will get worse and worse, until YOU set limits with him, as in “do the crime, do the time.” As it is, your inaction is encouraging more abuse. It took me a long time to realize that, in my own marriage.

This HAS to stop, or your kids will grow up with serious problems. Your sons may abuse you or their girlfriends, and your daughters will grow up to be victims, just as you are teaching them to be. None of your children will thank you (and neither will your daughters-in -law) for the time and energy and money they have to spend getting themselves straightened out during the years when they should be enjoying life.

Get going and get growing. Throw him out if that's what it takes.

 

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 29, 2000

S1

Your story sounds so familiar to me. I was in the same kind of situation with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. He would scream and shout if I refused to have sex, threatening to wake up our three kids to tell them we were getting divorced, if I didn't agree to have sex. He'd wake me up in the middle of the night and demand sex. He'd demand sex when I was sick, or when he knew I was exhausted. And sex wasn't just sex, to him. It had to last at least 45 minutes, include five or six different positions, and hurt me at least once, to be called "sex" in his eyes. I was constantly exhausted, caring for the kids, working part time, doing all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, most of the yard work, you name it, I did it. All of it. I finally wised up, got counseling, and left (although it took me about a year to leave). I now have my own house, with the kids, and finally feel safe. My advice - get counseling, plan your strategy, and get out. Just as fast as you can. Life can be very, very good when you're free from a relationship like you are in, and that I was in.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, March 01, 2000

S1

You are not seeing how serious a situation you have on your hands. Your husband throws lots of bullshit at you and you minimize it. You said you make good money....good then you can afford to leave him. You need to learn lots of things, that you cannot learn while living with your husband. I say throw him out, get a restraining order, and get to work on learning how to respect yourself and command it from others. Your not a wife...your a human door mat...he wipes his feet all over you....and you tolerate it. This will not bring you any happiness whatsoever. If you stay in your present situation you will sacrifice your own well being and happiness as well as that of your children. And your sacrifice will be all for nothing. I know it's painful to hear, but your husband does not love you..... you don't love what you deliberately hurt and abuse. It's not your fault that he doesn't love you.....he's to sick and twisted, he get off on hurting you. He's a rapist...they hate women. RUN........GET OUT NOW........BEFORE IT'S TO LATE.....RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, March 07, 2000

S1

I just read your letter and I want you to realize that your husband is simply repeating what he has learned from his father, he also learned from his mother that women only exist to cater to men's needs.

It is up to you if this is the legacy you want to hand down to your children. If you have a son he will most probably be abusive, and if you have a daughter she will most probably be submissive, a victim.

The pattern will repeat itself, but it can be broken. I think you have to understand that you do have a choice, you always have, but you are frightened, but what is feared today can be conquered tomorrow.

May God bless you with the strength you need to CHOOSE what is right for you and your children.

 

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, March 07, 2000

S1

I think the first thing you must understand here is that abusive minded people are extremely selfish and manipulative. If you recognize the abusive trait of selfishness in the incidents you have described here you can plainly see that you are dealing with a person who has absolutely no concern for his partners feelings or emotional needs. But I believe more importantly you have been unable to interpret what your partner is really saying to you. His statements and actions are not genuine. He is constantly trying to manipulate you through lies, blaming and accusations. He is a very sick abusive individual and there is really nothing you can do to change him. However, as stated by several others here it is quite obvious that you have been unable to look out for your own emotional needs in this relationship. Statements such as "I try to make him happy" suggest that you believe that you can make him happy and this just isn't so. Even simple verbal interactions are intended to belittle you, not engage in constructive conversation. He needs help but you really shouldn't concern yourself with his needs at this point. START TAKING CARE OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL NEEDS!!!! This relationship is about two things. 1. You look out for his needs and give him what he wants all of the time. 2. He looks out for his needs and seeks to get what he wants all of the time. Oh, I forgot 3. No matter what you do it will not be good enough. Of course if you decide to leave him he will beg forgiveness, promise to never do it again, (yawn), with absolutely no intention of living up to those hollow promises. You're in a rough spot maam I must say. I think you probably need to begin therapy for yourself immediately if not sooner. That is the only way you can begin to understand that just the fact that you put up with his horrible ways, and that you even have to ask if this blatant abuse is wrong, Indicates some codependency issues within your personality which must be resolved before this whole situation can be fixed. A little advice, the next time you try to discuss a problem with him think to yourself these words" he's lying and trying to win what he perceives as a battle, he is not trying to talk with me and solve a problem, he only cares about his own issues". If you haven't read it, look on this site for my (analysis of the abusers language) I think it will help a little. Meanwhile, I hope you take the advice of Dr Irene and seek professional counseling for yourself right away. You never know what abusers are capable of so be very careful with this very disturbed individual. Peace and love, Judge G....

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, March 10, 2000

S1

Wow. My boyfriend once psychologically raped me. He did nothing to physically force me, but the experience was just as degrading as if he had. Actually, I think it's the realization (or the self-recrimination, rather) that really gets to you: "I let this happen," I thought to myself. "How could I let myself be hurt this way? What's wrong with me?" I also am unwilling to trust myself to have friends--or I was, not so very long ago. My boyfriend did nothing to discourage me, but he also never gave me any support. Again, my mantra to myself was, "What's wrong with me?"

I've come to realize that there's NOTHING wrong with me, even when I do mess up. I have the right to be imperfect! It sounds like your husband is holding you to an impossibly high standard, while never applying this standard to himself. Don't put up with it! Look at your situation. Let it make you angry. Let it hurt. Grieve for yourself, for the pain your kids must feel. Mourn for the relationship you probably thought it would be when you married him. That one is never going to come back.

Most of all, listen to your feelings.

Peace, love. Kudos for speaking out in this forum. I hope you find your way to your true self.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 23, 2000

S1

HI wow, I could of written your letter but my relationship did reach a physically abusive level. I for a long time felt it was my fault or something was wrong with me because I didnt have the drive he did. I tried to keep up with him but hated it! he forced himself on me every which way he pleased and tried to justify it with he loves me so much and it means so much to him to have no part of my body off limits to him. I tried to fight him off everynight! it was a fight that he would eventually win. my legs were always coverd with bruises from him punching them to stop me from kicking him while I was trying to keep him off of me. I was broken down completely. life became about existing with out a though to trying to live well. I felt as though I was drownding and just trying to get my head up long enough to get a breath with out even a thought of trying to walk on land again. I look back now and cant believe I survived that way for many years. My husband almost killed me many times in fits of rage. and it was always my fault! we seperated for a while and I made the mistake of letting him come back under certain agreements. there would be no sex if I said no, there would be no fighting or yelling etc. we were each going to work on ourselves. I didnt know as much then as I know now. I wouldnt have taken him back! your husband may not have hit you YET. but I am sure its comming. it all creeps up so slowly and inches its way accross and way beyond the lines. had our relationship started out where it ended up at there is no way it would have lasted.

I saw someone made the comment of trying to over sex him. I did that as well. my husband wanted it 6 x a day so I did! it was never enough to make him happy. it was temporary happy. but he found other things to be upset with me about. he is a sex addict and an alcoholic. he used alcohol to numb his pain and run from his issues and when that didnt work he tried to use sex to do the same thing. do yourself a favor and just leave now and get help for yourself to heal! no sense in going through this any longer you will just have more to try to heal from.

good luck to you!

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, April 05, 2000

S1

I am in a similar situation. Right now we are not even talking because I joined a 12 step Coda group. He is feeling very threatened because he is so insecure. I know I am not strong enough at this time to make any decisions, but I hop through my book readings and Coda meetings I can make a decision, or he may see the light and get some help.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 11, 2000

S1

Check out some meetings of COSA. they are for partners of sex addicts. He definitely shows signs of sex addiction!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, May 25, 2000

S1

 

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, July 12, 2000

S1

Gee, this was almost like reading my mother's story 40 years ago.

Speaking as a child who grew up in that home and desperately wanted her parents to love each other, but intuitively knew that her father would never come around, I begged my mother to leave him. I could hear him rape her at least once a week through our thin bedroom wall. You can't imagine the effect this had on MY attitude toward sex.

Speaking as a woman who didn't exactly marry a man like her father, but he was controlling and dominating and sexually manipulative - being a doormat definitely makes it worse. It was only when I said "NO" and "If you do this, you will also leave the house" and he realized that I really meant it, things started to change.

I'm still married to a man who has some problems - a disability which contributes to a lack of economic support for his family being number one spoiler), but I went and got a job that pays me at least enough to cover my needs and my child's needs. And he is working on his issues. As long as he is focused on his issues and not on changing me, I can live with that. But I determine the terms and conditions for me.

By the way, this has taken me 14 years of growing to get to this point. We've been married 2 years longer than that - the first two were nose-dives into a hell called no backbone, no identity, completely subservient, pleaser-wife. Those weekly rapes I'd overheard eventually haunting me to the point of total sexual dysfunction. I was headed straight to where my mother lived for years and years.

Choose for yourself. But know that if you choose to raise your children YOU are responsible for the harm they suffer because you allowed it to continue when you could have chosen a different path. Their mental, emotional and even physical health are dependent upon your own choices for health!

My best wishes for a safe passage to a new life!

Love, -T-

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, July 12, 2000

S1

There is no question - you must get out of this situation. You say that your kids are now at the age at which they are being affected. They have been affected from the beginning, not just now. Please do yourself a tremendous favor and go to Al-Anon meetings. Your husband is exhibiting strong addictive behavior, and Al-Anon will address this and you will find it to be an incredible support system. Love yourself. You ARE a very special and worthy person. Please go to Al=Anon. It will really help. Good luck, and know that God loves you immensely.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, July 13, 2000

S1

Wow, my husband has a twin. My husband does 99% of the thing you listed. He hasn't broken anything, except maybe my dreams. I hve recently come to the conclusion that I deserve happiness and am working on a plan to leave. I have 2 young boys and I refuse to raise another generation of abusers. Good luck!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, July 17, 2000

S1

Dr. Irene... your advice and little comments are horrible!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, July 17, 2000

S1

LOL... The comments you people write on this site are quite comical. I just came across the site "surfing" and read the phrase "psychologically raped". I think the best advice for all of you is to find a life.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, August 17, 2000

S1

MY GIRLFRIEND WETS HERSELF WHEN SHE COMES DURING SEX.IT IS QUITE A LARGE AMOUNT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AS THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I HAVE COME ACROSS BEFORE. WHAT DO I DO?

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, December 18, 2000

S1

 

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, February 08, 2001

S1

i am a boy of 24 and i am very bad loser how can i increase my time

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, September 04, 2001

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, September 04, 2001

S1

I don't have any advice for this gal - all I have to tell her is that she is not alone. My husband has a "foot fetish" which I did not know before we got married. Unfortunately, I didn't wait long enough to find out before we got married - now it is too late. Not only does he say he doesn't get enough sex (he gets it at least once a day and usually more - like 2 - 3 times he gets relief) he wants me to rub my feet on his penis until he releases on my feet. I find this abhorent. Perhaps other women wouldn't, but I do. He was married to a woman with cancer for 14 years. Because of the pain she was in, sex was out of the question. I asked him how he coped with celebacy for all those years. He said that from time to time she got him off with her feet. I thought this was weird at the time but took the circumstances into consideration. I figured that since I was healthy and could engage in "normal" sex, that he would not want this kind anymore. Well, this wasn't the case. He wants all kinds of sex now, including the 'foot thing.' I am able to perform other kinds of sexual pleasure for him that he never had before without it grossing me out, but this is not enough for him. HE HAS TO HAVE THE FOOT THING TOO!! I can't understand this. If something that I liked in sex repulsed him, I WOULD NEVER ASK HIM TO DO IT AGAIN. I don't get the same respect. He would rather divorce me than do without this 'aspect of sex.' I am at my wits end. I feel that this is a control issue but he doesn't see it as that. I haven't mentioned the fact that he has been overly jealous to the point where when we would eat at a restaurant and I would look around at the other people, enjoying the families interacting, etc. (I was raised in a family where 'people watching' was an enjoyable thing to do) he accuses me of "staring at another man." I DON'T STARE AT OTHER MEN, IN FACT, WHEN I CATCH THEIR EYE AND REALIZE THAT THEY'RE STARING AT ME, I TURN AWAY. I have NEVER cheated on this man, nor would I ever. I'm not that kind of woman. But I've been accused of it for the year and a half that we've been married. I quit a very good job that I loved because he made it impossible to work. He would get jealous if when he called I couldn't spend hours on the phone talking to him. He would come by my workplace and if a man came into my office (I was an Administrative Assistant to a top woman in a corporation and a lot of people came to her office - mine being the outer one) I would catch hell when he saw me - accusing me of having an affair with everybody.............. I could go on and on. I have only scratched the surface of what's gone on. He tells me all the time how much he loves me - how can I believe this when what I feel he wants to do is control me? I love him for the good qualities that he has, and he does have some, but the rest is driving me crazy. The only reason that I am staying with him now is that I don't have a job and I have a dream of adopting a child. I had to have a hysterectomy when I was young so have never had the opportunity to have children of my own. Adopted children would be my own as far as I'm concerned - it doesn't matter to me where they were conceived, I could love any child as though they were my own blood. I just hung up the phone from a conversation with him before I wrote this. I hung up because we were "discussing" the issues we have and he said that I was the problem. That was enough listening for me - I said "well, that's enough for me - goodbye." I know I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can. Nothing is good enough for him - he finds fault with the way I do the laundry, my cooking - everything I do. He has robbed a great deal of my self-esteem already and I'm not sure he really knows what he's doing. This 'foot thing' is so important to him though that again tonight, during the conversation, he inferred that if I couldn't meet his needs, it was as good as over. Has anyone heard of this kind of perversion before????? I am totally baffled by this fetish - I've never dealt with a fetish before. Any help/insight anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated. We have had counseling, but this is one area that he swears he doesn't want to/can't change. I find that hard to believe. This is the same man that swears up and down that he loves me more than life itself......... This same man is willing to give up a good, honest, decent, moral, attractive wife and future family for a fetish. Where am I going wrong here????????????? Well, even if no one replies, I thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I feel so inadequate because I can't meet this need of his, but it makes me want to throw up. On the other hand - it makes me furious that he 'forces' me to do it to keep the peace. Then, I am supposed to be a "happy camper." I feel as though I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Well, thanx for listening to me. Debi

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, October 06, 2002

S1

hey im 17 my boyfriend loves me very much and he wants to show how much he loves me by having sex with me, i hate sex thought, every time we try we try it hurts when he puts it in. he says im not tight when we get going it dosnt hurt but i just dont want to have sex.