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(Archives)

4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments To His Addictions

Comments To His Addictions...

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and
must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from
your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos  Copyrightę 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

Girl- how I know your pain. My mom was very uncaring towards me, and did some of the same things to me. She actually ruined my two youngest siblings life by getting them involved in drugs, even being on the verge of being shot at one point. I have a feeling we go to the same meetings, because if you call on your God's name, there is only one biblical name-Jehovah. (Which most religions recognize- I am not knocking any one's choice- we all have free will) You may have a different religion, in which case I am sorry for assuming. My husband became abusive when I would go to meetings also, and was an alcoholic and pot head. I stopped smoking pot a year and a half ago to follow my religion, and he still tries to get me to smoke it. He even blows it in my face. Hold on tight, and pray all the time. You are so loved by your God. Give those kids a hug, and stay strong. L

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

How moving. What a strong lady! It's good to hear that some part of the legal system is some kind of help. Document all his compliance, or lack thereof, to have proof in court someday. You may not need it this year or next, but keep jotting notes on a calendar. You'll need it when they're fifteen. Now, your job is to find someone to treat you like you deserve. I'd say you'd be quite a catch. You go, girl!

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, March 08, 2000

S1

My heart breaks when I see how bad people can be in hurting each other..he was in such pain himself, he wanted to hurt others, and because you cared, he saw it as weakness. So much pain and hurt you have suffered, and yet you have raised yourself up out of it. What a brave woman you are, I will pray for you. God bless you, and restore what the locust have eaten, to where you can not contain the blessings he is giving you. Love in Christ, Jean

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 23, 2000

S1

Hi!

To anyone that actually reads this whole thing, thank you for your time. Doc says that I had a difficult life. Maybe I did, to me it was just my life. I am thankful that I or my children never went without food or a roof over our heads.... Some of you went through a lot more than I ever did. Peace be with you, Rhoda

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, March 26, 2000

S1

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray for your cngregation that they may be part of the support you need and not be jusgemental and overly righteous but be your stregth and a help to you. Your willingness to go on will give many others a path to follow. that you can "lift yourself from the mirey clay with God's help" is a true testimony to what we can do with god's help . bless you !!

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, March 28, 2000

S1

Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me get out of my abusive relationship. Your words are so true. The good times are like the carrot before our face. Hoping things will change. I pray the Lord will strenghten me to stay away from this man for good like you did. God Bless You. Shirley

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 30, 2000

S1

 

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, April 07, 2000

S1

I read Rhonda's story, identifying with the tale after tale......the repeated efforts to make it better.....the belief that it will get better......the slow awareness that it won't.

I read incessantly, and grew up in a relatively emotionally stable family. But from reading, I knew about abuse, and neglect....and when I met my husband, it was love at first sight, but I knew he came from an emotionall and physically abusive family. When we met, he quit drinking, and when he grabbed my by the throat, and I told him in no uncertain terms to I wouldn't put up with that, he pushed me once, and I nexed that, and he never laid a hand on me again. I thought I was strong enough to withstand any assault on my being.....

I didn't know he didn't have the ablilty to trust. I didn't know how deep the pain he feels is. I knew from his stories of the abuse his family suffered, of the alcoholism of both his parents, and grandfathers.....I thought knowing would protect me. I tried to fill the void in his soul, but now I know that it's only pouring love into a heart without a bottom. I can't fill it up...

He stopped trying to abuse me physically, but then came the control. He used anger.. when I'd walk too close to him, he'd reach out and pinch my breasts. I'd call him on it, tell him it hurt, Now I know it was a way of proclaiming his posession of my body. I was chattel. He said the right things, but as soon as we said I do, I became a posession. I became a replica of his mother. And he hated his mother. She didn't have the love to give.....

He came to my work asnd threatened to leave if I didn't quit. I quit the first job, after that, I refused, but he made me pay with his constant agitation. He constantly accused me of cheating. I know now, that it is because he cheats. And in his mind, if he cheats, then others cheat. Never mind that I have morals.....

His efforts to control me have destroyed our marriage. I refuse to be controlled, so he withheld money, he lied to my family and our friends. I just found out the term for what he's doing, Gaslighting. In olden times, the husband would turn down the gaslight when the wife was out of the room, and when the wife would say something about it being darker, he'd deny it. He'd say she was imagining things.

We've seen three councelors.....they all took his word for our mariage problems....and I became the bad guy. It's disorienting. I began seeing this last dr when I went for treatment for my ADDHD, so I can get my photo business in better shape to be able to financially leave... I told the dr about how the other dr's fell for his lies, and damn if this one didn't fall for it too.

I spoke to Dr Patir ricia Evans, she told me their wasn't a dr in Kentucky capable of treating him...and I find it's too true.....I don't know if it's that men stick together, or what the deal is, but my husband has convinced the dr that I am incompetent.

I feel so alone, and so hopeless, after spending three years and so much money,,,,and not getting anywhere. I've stayed because of insurance. I had "terminal" cancer, and getting insurance now is almost impossible.......

I'm filing for a trial separation. He continue to try to control me. I don't know what the future will hold, but I know I can't stand the onslaught anymore. I havn't got the resources to give any more......

donna B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, May 13, 2003

S1

i'm really sorry about this life of yours and i hope it gets alot better and stays that way!!! (just smile) ~heather~