Sent: Friday, October 08, 1999
Subject: E-Mail Advice
First, I would like to thank you for this wonderful website. It
has been a blessing to many people. The information you have given
has been very beneficial to me. However, I do have a comment
regarding the Email advice you gave to, "I feel guilty for getting a restraining order."
You told this woman that it is OK to date people while you are
separated. No. I should have been clearer.
I feel that it is totally wrong to date while you are separated.
Why be married if you can still date other people? If people want
to date then they should divorce. Maybe if we all took our wedding vows
seriously then more marriages would be saved. Honor and respect
for our spouses as well as for ourselves goes along way in preserving
marriages. I am separated from my husband. I do not feel in
any way ready to date other people even if we were divorced right now.
I am working on myself, my
recovery from an abusive marriage. Wouldn't I just be asking for trouble
if I went out and started dating? YES! YES! YES! HELLO. Separation is
separation not divorce. If more people kept those standards maybe
this country wouldn't be talking about infidelity and adultery as much.
Dating others while married is just adding more pain, more trouble
and more heartache. YES! YES! YES! And
what kind of an example would that be for children? Yes, I am a
Christian with strong morals and beliefs. This world is in dire
need of morals. YES!
Oh well, I am rambling on. Keep rambling; I like
it. I think you get the message. Keep up the good
work!! 99% of what you say I totally agree with.
Thank you, Carolyn
P.S. Thank you for adding the God Help Us!
support group. It's great. I hope others will join us. Me too!
I am very happy
to provide a venue for those, regardless of lifestyle, race, religion,
sex, sexual orientation, belief system, etc., working on becoming their
best selves. My hope is to enable individuals to take responsibility for
their lives. My requirement is that no one individual or group lay
blame on another without taking responsibility for their part.
Regarding "I Feel Guilty For Getting A Restraining Order":
Please don't misunderstand what I advised. I did not advise this
woman on dating at all! My comment refers to my
position that she owes her estranged but controlling husband
absolutely no explanations - this is regardless of what she
chooses to do.
Dating is an issue that was not addressed. By the way, I fully
agree with your comments. I would advise she not date at present
given the added emotional "stuff" she is likely to experience -
which she clearly does not need now, as you wisely point out.
Regarding marriage: I agree that marriage is a sacred union that is taken
entirely too lightly. However, I draw the line at abuse, addiction, and
Thank you for your input and for taking the time to respond.
Read the "I feel guilty"
lady's reply to this!