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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments for Survivor Story

Comments for Survivor Story

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2001. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

 

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, January 21, 2001

S1

Cindy:

I just now read your story and could so identify with it. My mom was similar to yours and my dad was a rager and was frequently physically abusive with me and my siblings. I thought I did everything I could to avoid being like them or being with people like them.

Actually my first boyfriend was a good guy but a push-over. He was like a puppy with me. So I had thought I had turned things around by picking someone who would never yell at me or abuse me. I did have female friends that tended to be jealous and belittle me. I was rather used to that and tolerated it since my older sister had done the same.

It wasn't till much later in life that I started picking abusive guys. I really do not have a clue as to why this happened so late in my life (I'm 45). I am still working on changing my behavior and what I will tolerate from others and am doing well. I think my being a psychologist for so long actually had me focusing on so many other people that I did not notice much going on with me. I did tend to pick "patients" as boyfriends in that they were needy, conflicted and dependent. I finally divorced my ex who was really conflicted and confused. I went back to school and stayed single until 2 years ago when I began dating someone who was intermittently abusive and occassionally put me down. I did leave and stayed single again for the next 2 years only to get involved in a similar situation.

Your story made me thing again about all this. I am wondering what age you are now and how things are going with your personal relationships.

Sandra

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

B1:
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperate

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

 

 

B1:
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperate

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

 

 

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperately to get involved in a relationship, learn how to enjoy having fun by your self. Learn who you are first, so that you are capable on bieng able to decide exactly what you want in man or be able to develope the skill of using your intuition to read through the different types of men, so that you won't waste your precious youth on a looser. Last but not the least, don't let no man rain on your joy or destroy your inner beauty, alway stay focus and let God deal with the things that interfer with your happiness. To all My sister of all shades Nicole H. peace!

 B1:
Date: Monday, January 22, 2001

S1

Dear Cindy, I can understand how you felt having to go through an experience like that. Unfortunately , I have exerperince a whole lot more inccidents than you have and I never had a man to rescue me. I learnt to depend on myself for happiness and for peace. You see, I found Jesus and he restored my soul from pain, suffering, heart-ache, and removed the anger from within me. I basically just want to saw to young women out there, don't depend on a man for happiness and before trying desperate

 

 

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 22, 2002

S1

i can relate to your story. i'm a single mom of a 16 month old and i had an ex-husband who abused me verbally and physically for 15 years. i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know what i like and i only see myself through his eyes. He left me when i was 6 months pregnant and went with someone 10 years younger. i had to go through everything alone. after the baby was born he came around and then i put a stop to it for 10 months because i couldn't take the fact that he would waver back and forth between me and his girlfriend. so now he's seeing his son whom he wanted me to give up for adobtion or have him abaorted. he's paying child support because i took himn to court. everytime he comes to see the baby i get a lot of "i love you" "i want you back" "she doesn't do it for mew sexually" "i made a mistake"and i just sit there ands listen and atke it all in like he's GOD. It effects me in such a way i can't even express it. i'm so codependent. o know how many bad things he's done to me but everytime i hear those words it wipes away everything he's ever done. he'll hold me and say nice things and get me to bed and then he'll leave and go to her. ehat is this? what am i doing to myself? HELP

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 22, 2002

S1

i can relate to your story. i'm a single mom of a 16 month old and i had an ex-husband who abused me verbally and physically for 15 years. i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know what i like and i only see myself through his eyes. He left me when i was 6 months pregnant and went with someone 10 years younger. i had to go through everything alone. after the baby was born he came around and then i put a stop to it for 10 months because i couldn't take the fact that he would waver back and forth between me and his girlfriend. so now he's seeing his son whom he wanted me to give up for adobtion or have him abaorted. he's paying child support because i took himn to court. everytime he comes to see the baby i get a lot of "i love you" "i want you back" "she doesn't do it for mew sexually" "i made a mistake"and i just sit there ands listen and atke it all in like he's GOD. It effects me in such a way i can't even express it. i'm so codependent. I know how many bad things he's done to me but everytime i hear those words it wipes away everything he's ever done. he'll hold me and say nice things and get me to bed and then he'll leave and go to her. ehat is this? what am i doing to myself? HELP

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 27, 2003

S1

Hi my name is Ashley Rideout. I am 16 years old and I live in China, Maine. I grew up with abuse in my home from 3 years old till I was 15. My mother, brother, and sister were all physically and mentally abused by my mothers husband, and he left the sexual abuse for me. He began sexually abusing me at the age of 7 untill I was 15, when my sister came forward that he had done it to her once when she was 7 also, I then confessed and knew this man was sick. This man had caused me and my family so much pain that there is no going back, no repairing the scares. I am burdened for a life time of horrible images and anxiety from my happenings. At some points in my life I have almost flunked out of school from emotion destress and/ or the lack of sleep from horrible dreams and fear, where I could not attend . We are now pressing charges against him and he is in jail at the moment for violation of the pretection order. These type of people are a menace to our society and should be treated like criminals. It is sick and prevert, men that have the courage to sexually abuse a little girl is sick and twisted. I am not asking for your sympothy only your most serious consideration. What if this was your child and someone violated him/her in this way. A man of this nature's punishment should not be avoided or settled with a slap on the wrist. I find it truely ignorant and unexplainable that child molesters get off with less of a punishment than drug dealers. Although i've had a rough past, it has helped me decide my future. I am dedicating my adult life to saving children like me and changing the system so children don't feel alone in this cruel world. The day where I can walk down the street and know he may not be following myself or my family is the day I will rest, untill then I live in a shadow. Thank You

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, June 14, 2003

S1

Good for you for leaving that jerk. I left my abusive boyfriend of almost three years about a month ago. I still have a lot of self-esteem issues, but I would much rather be alone than in a relationship like that. He wouldn't let me leave the house, he would barely talk to me, and when he did it was just to critisize me. He was 260 lbs, and I am 125lbs, and he would sit on my chest and hold me down because he was "playing." He threw beer on me, water on me, My God, he was a horrible person. He didn't have a job and used to be so lazy that he would urinate in an empty jug next to the bed. He once hit his head on the cabinet door that I had left open, and proceeded to take a pan that had been heating in the oven and hit the back of my leg with it. He then said that it was "my fault" the whole thing happened. I am so angry at him. If he were trapped in a burning vehicle, I am not sure I would even call the police to help him out. I am so glad that he is out of my life and that I can finally have my own time to myself. Just remember, there are worse things than being lonely.