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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments for Weathered The Storm

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Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2001. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

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Sunday, May 27, 2001

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Wednesday, May 30, 2001

Jeannie, You are a true inspiriation to so many of us here. Your poem was incredible and really hit home. I know how much I value every post I read on the boards, the support and the honesty that sometimes hurts, but it is so true how the people here have helped each other. Sometimes I sign on to the board just to read and know there are people who understand. I hope to reach the point you are at in your healing and too come out of it on the other side a strong incredible woman like you. Thank you so much for including me, Ronye/Nuts

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Wednesday, May 30, 2001

I could have written this also. I have grown tremendously in what seems to be a short period of time thanks to this site and all who enter here. I also have an email pal thanks to this site. I also have a wonderful significant other and am taking it very slowly. He too is knowledgeable and we read the same books together eventhough we take different things from them. I, too, stand up for myself now and backslide from time to time. It seems that recovery has phases like the relationship has. I get amazed at how much my life resembles so many others. It's good to know we're not alone. Thanks Dr. Irene for what you've started.

Cinderella

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Friday, June 01, 2001

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Tuesday, June 05, 2001

Hi Stormy,

OR rather Lady-in-control-of-her-life,

Well done, you have shown us how you have grown. And you've also attracted a nice gentleman aswell.

How did you get from feeling down to feeling so confident?

I fear buying clothes that are short, long or clingy (figure hugging) for fear of criticism so I dress safe in clothes that don't do this.

I feel fear when I am out socialising, so out of place, like everyone else seems to know what they are doing but me. They seem to know what to say, how to say it, to feel okay about dancing, and singing in front of others. ME I feel like a million eyes are watching me and I just feel uncomfortable.

I feel fear and procastinate alot with my essays for my degree course. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I can't put pen to paper.

My therapist (Ron) tells me to take risks but I just can't take the risk of being ridiculed and feeling worse than I already do.

How did you concur your fears?

I very much appreciate your insight.

Thanks Theressa

PS I would love to e-mail you, where is your e-mail address?

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Friday, June 15, 2001

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Friday, June 15, 2001

Theressa,

I too have been as afraid as you. The first man I dated was fortunately a friend who understood. Every hour or so I would ask "Now what?" I didn't know what to do with his suit coat, what to do about food, I had nothing to drink in the house except water, I didn't know where to sit on the sofa. You get the idea. I didn't know how to buy clothes. Didn't know what looks good on me. I still think that compliments are jokes from time to time. (Could someone really like looking at me?)

Step 1. Buy a new outfit from a store where you can buy accessories and everything at one time. Look for a person at the store whose taste you would trust. Get the manager if you have too. Look until something just says "It's the hidden you"

Step 2. Go out in small groups of 2 or 3 for small amounts of time, like happy hour or a wine bar or short dinner. Get used to being you for a change. Get to know what you are comfortable with. I like to sit outside for dinner or drinks, it gives you fresh air and something to talk about. It seems more relaxed.

Step 3. Have a small group to your house for a couple of hours. Maybe to watch a movie you've all been wanting to see, or just hanging out.

You get the idea. Take small steps and build the you that you can be.

I found out that the ones looking at me are doing so because they like what they see, not because they are laughing at me. It's been 3 years and I'm still not used to being looked at. I'm still the same old me, or am I. My counselors and my new friends all seem to see a me that I don't quite see yet. Listen to those who truly care about you. Never listen to a liar. Learn to be you.

Cinderella

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Tuesday, June 19, 2001

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Monday, June 25, 2001

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Tuesday, June 26, 2001

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Friday, November 09, 2001

Dear Stormy; I think I've found you...I sure hope so! Life is so strange...we're in the 'middle' of a storm on the Catbox. Timi below us, and Fox above us. If I'm in the right place, I'll write more to you, OK? Love, Lia

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Saturday, November 10, 2001

Dear Stormy; Testing/testing...testing...... When I read the posts they only go to the end of June. I can't find the post I wrote you last night, even. What to do?? Love, Lia

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Saturday, November 10, 2001

Dear Stormy; Testing/testing...testing...... When I read the posts they only go to the end of June. I can't find the post I wrote you last night, even. What to do?? Love, Lia

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Saturday, November 10, 2001

Hi; Success at last...I must have done something right. What is going on with the other Boards? Someone (?) jumped on Timi...bad news. And, I wasn't in the Chat room last night (whenever I went there no one was there) but it sounds like someone jumped on Jay in a mean way. I can't believe someone would do that to her! And I think there was one more incident on one of the Boards. I'll have to go back and check on this. At my age, I tend to run one story into another. Does your Board tend to be more private than Dr. Irene's site? That would be great. But then, I suppose that would only be true if nobody 'knew' any of us were over here. That's what is known as a very backward-type sentence. Bye for now, Love, Lia

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Saturday, November 10, 2001

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Saturday, November 10, 2001

Hi Stormy; Do you have any idea why my posts show up as posted and then when I come back they're all gone again? Help! Lia

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Sunday, November 11, 2001

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Sunday, November 11, 2001

Hi Stormy; I still haven't got this right yet??

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Sunday, November 11, 2001

hello

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Sunday, November 11, 2001

hello

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Sunday, November 11, 2001

hello

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Monday, November 12, 2001

hello

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Monday, November 12, 2001

Dear Friends; If this post will bring trouble to anyone on this Board, please delete it immediately, alright? An ode to a friend: Timi <pop_profile.asp?mode=display&id=25> New Member United Kingdom 64 Posts Posted - October 30 2001 : 7:17:12 PM Hi my online friends, Lately I've been so busy working that I lost track of most of your debates and also the newcomers. Let's pick up the threads again with some of these interesting questions. Here are my questions for you and my answers: What stage are you in your abusive relationship? During my second marriage of 6 months to “Mr Pig” in UK I tasted the domestic violence for the first time in my life. I was not used to the abuse, as I had a wonderful upbringing and my first marriage was also a nice and healthy one for nearly 20yrs. I chose to challenge my future with a stranger and I had to pay very hard for that mistake. Fortunately he was arrested on Boxing Day 1997 and removed from our home forever in January 98. I divorced him and now I’m remarried to my third wonderful, loving and caring English husband. What’s the most thing you hate about the abuse? It takes away from you all the confidence and willpower and it makes you feel a fool even though in reality you are a well-educated intelligent woman. It also makes you hate the whole world because you have to fight so hard to survive situations and a lot of injustice. What’s the best thing you like about yourself? I have to confess that my real name is EDDA and my name sums up my strengths because my name stands for: E-Experience D-Determination D-Dealing with people A-Attention to everyone's needs By nature I’m very sensitive, heart-kinded, very understanding woman, a good listener who hates injustice and abuse of any nature. How old are you? I’m 44years old, but feel 30!!!!!!! at the moment Where do you live? I live in United Kingdom/Midlands area in Leicestershire. Any kids? I have got a 23 yrs old daughter from my first marriage, who lives happily in Hungary with her boyfriend. Her real name is TIMEA. What’s the best piece of advice you got re: the abuse? "Whatever you do trample down abuses and love those who love you!!!!" If you’ve left, what do you treasure most about your life now that you did not have before? I have met the man of my life who saved my life when I was at my lowest ebb, left alone in a foreign country to fight for my rights and for my own survival. I appreciate every little thing that occurs in my life because I realized how much life is worth living it when you have got the right person who worships you, who loves you, who treats you as a real human being and who cares with all his heart for your well being and happiness. Who’s been your best friend re: the abuse? And what are you most grateful to him/her for? I have so many good friends who really stood by me in the trouble (despite they all lived abroad) giving me good advice and contacting the best solicitors to find out more about my rights in this country. I’m grateful to my now husband, who supported me all along the way not only emotionally but financially too. I have to mention here my close family and my dear first ex, who helped me leave this country when I first left Mr Pig after "2 months of happy marriage" by coming and picking me up with all my assets and bringing me back to my own country, Hungary. Then there is my dear mom, who was always there for me until the day she died 8 months ago( I miss her terrible!). What are the three most important qualities you want in your ideal spouse? I have all the qualities in my DH that a woman would dream about in a nice, caring husband: commitment, true love, openness, faithfulness, trust, financial security, affection and appreciation, good DIY and cook except tidiness in his own study LOL. But ladies life is wonderful the way it is and I would not change it for anything on the world till he makes me happy and content. Marriage is not made of sacrifices; marriage is made of good compromises. And if we sometimes argue or debate, Voltaire would say: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to death your right to say” Thanks for reading my answers !!! Love Edda / Alias Happy Timea from UK Timea unquote What ever happened here? I am just stunned...I don't know what to think or feel. Perplexed, Lia

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Tuesday, November 13, 2001

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Tuesday, November 13, 2001

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Tuesday, November 13, 2001

Hi; I can't seem to edit my posts or delete anything...once I write something, it appears 'etched'...Am I missing a simple answer again? I am grieving today and I can't even explain why. Something about people; and pedestals; and clay feet. And people who speak with 'tongue in cheek' (their own expression) and now their words are gone...so, I only THINK I know who said it. This is an expression that just doesn't seem to sit right with me. I looked it up just now in my Microsoft theasaurus and it's a very negative expression...very unkind, even. I'd rather deal with someone's outright honest anger than their tongue-in-cheek stuff. Why do very nice people (meaning you), have to listen to complaining people (meaning me)? So, enough, already! You can delete all the clutter I've left laying around your board here. I think I've finally got the hang of things here. Bye for now, Lia

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Tuesday, November 13, 2001

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Tuesday, November 20, 2001

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Sunday, December 23, 2001

thank you Stormy and also Doc - I post a fair amount and it really helps. i am a different woman to the one who found this place in late October 2001 - I am more at peace with myself and am finding things about myself that I like which therefore mean that i do not need to people please in order for people to like me!! although the abuse is still there, it is a little less because I do not engage so much with it. It is perhaps more intense but I am finding ways of managing it through this board. I feel like I have met so many people here that i relate too and could so happily be friends with - preferrably when I am a little healthier, and I find that empowering. i choose not to share this place with my family as i require my privacy - they know that I am here often as I share with them - but mostly I share with what i do rather than what I have read - the impetus to kind of report back in how i am doing is slowly beoming a mental habit that helps me to change my behaviour. as a co-dependant I recognise that I have often been abusive - maybe the difference between the abuser and the victim is that the victim knows/feels that this is not right but does not know how to make it better. A total abuser perhaps does not even consider whether the bahviour is right or not - either at the time or later. i don't know - except to say that i do recognise when i am acting out - it happens less this days, and that is good. thank you both for what you do and continue to do Chris Lucas-Dean (catbox) and also Chrisld (Yak box)