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Comments for She Dumped Me For Him

Advice for She Dumped Me For Him

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos, Copyrightę 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, February 20, 2000

S1

Dear K,

It doesn't feel too good in the beginning when a woman does this to you because you constantly relive it in your mind, wishing you could have done something different. "Yolanda" was abusive toward me but not sexually promiscuous in any way, so I didn't have to deal with this. "Yolanda" constantly went back to her ex and then she would realize he wasn't good for her. She did think at all times that I was a good man and she enjoyed her time with me, but I never set any boundaries with her at all and I got burned as a result. She didn't have the same respect for me that she had for her ex. He would never let her get away with anything. I think this has changed to an extent. Things are not perfect, as Dr. Irene said, but they are much, much better. "Yolanda" is presently visiting the Dominican Republic (her country) and she has spoken to me frequently with very loving words. She told me that she is telling everyone there that she has the best man in the world (she is right). I know that there is more work to do with "Yolanda". She is still not as considerate as I need her to be and she is still a little selfish, but I do love her very much and I want this to work, so I am trying to work with her. It is taking some time and I have to break down so many walls from her past, but I think she is making progress. Sadly, I know that I would not have even given this relationship any time if "Yolanda" wasn't the prettiest girl in the world (my opinion). Shows you how shallow I can be. However, I must say that I do love her on a very deep, intimate, emotional level at this stage of the game and I have invested a lot of my precious time with her, so this is where I want to be and she is who I want to be with. Good luck to you. I know that there will be very bad times in your near future, but I know too that you will recover and some woman will realize that you are a great guy. I am fortunate (in a way) that "Yolanda" realized that before anyone else (Lord knows I tried to date unsuccessfully). I hope you find that special woman who is going to treat you the way you treat her. You deserve the best.

"J"

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, February 21, 2000

S1

You haven't lost a thing. Yes, once you love yourself more, things improve for you.

JP

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, February 21, 2000

S1

I had to respond to this one. By his own account, K slapped Demon Donna's face, refused to "allow" her to visit an old friend, and abandoned her when she got pregnant. I wonder who's the victim here?

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

No slap is OK. You better run to counseling for allowing a woman to treat you that way, and for allowing yourself to react with violence. Tsk Tsk.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

Hmmm- you are right- you are not innocent. My ex-husband is abusive, and you have written our relationship as he sees it. You could even be him. The thing is- in his reality it is all true. You may need intensive family of origin counseling to help you to react to life in a healthy way. Just your comments about lightly slapping (who cares- YOU SLAPPED HER), and abandoning her to get your way (had to get away because I thought she would have the baby) are very scary things to think. I would have a huge red flag if I met you. Get healthy - for yourself and your future relationships! L-

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000

S1

I agree with some previous comments- she may be abusive, but your pattern of behavior seems abusive too! Not only did you slap her, but you justify it by saying she "goaded" you into it ( she can't MAKE you do anything!) and by saying it was a light slap. It's NEVER okay to hit anyone. NEVER. She had every right to call the police. Secondly, labeling her as promiscuous (one step away from a 'slut') but blaming her because she would not want to sleep with you is abusive! She doesn't have to sleep with you if she doesn't want to! You cannot expect her to give in to your desires. Thirdly, the part about leaving her during pregnancy- that's horrible. She's at her most emotionally vulnerable. I can't believe she took you back! Maybe her abuse was "revenge" abuse for the way you've treated her. All I see here is you blaming blaming blaming her for your problems instead of taking responsibility for the way you acted and the part YOU played in the relationship. -SatokoGirl

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2000

S1

This is so not OK. Read your own post, and see how ridiculous it sounds. You were "angrily grabbing your clothes...calling her horrible names, but then had the presence of mind to calm down and "lightly" slap her? I think you are probably abusive. She has been divorced twice- probably from abusers as it seems she is getting into identical situations from your post. I am not saying that she was not abusive. It sounds like she has a real problem also. But the calling her promiscuous, and acting like the victim so much- I think you need to look at your self deeply, and get some help. As the others sound right on track also.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, March 01, 2000

S1

Don't focus on what she did wrong and who did what. The most important thing is to learn from what you've experienced and try and figure out where you went wrong. Use that to become a better person, pick a better person and be better with the right human being.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, March 08, 2000

S1

Dear K,

You are probably right about Donna going back to her ex-boyfriend. By now you would have found out.

There are a lot of mixed feelings involved with a break up. Disliking her one minute then remembering a wonderful thought that you may have (if you can find any). Staying away when your angry is one thing, but when you are feeling lonely and drinking all it takes is one glance at the phone and a simple reminder of 'the good times'. Then you are subject to be reeled in again.

Point: Please make good decisions and analyze your emotions before you act on them. You are not alone. We are here to support your decisions and remember...not all women are like Donna.

I'll be writing my own experience soon. Stay tuned.....Sheila

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, September 30, 2000

S1

going through the same stuff now.......... was seeing a girl for 2+ years, just broken up, she as she says still not sure and has fun every day.......... i am strong enough now to stop this finally, but i think it will take another year to fully recovere :(......... can't explain everything here...... but i guess we all go through such stage in our lives, and there is more to come, but i think the worst will be behind as we learn!

people you're not alone, cheer up and our day will also come and not one! :)

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, August 18, 2002

S1

A man walks into a doctors with a strawberry stuck up his bum and says; "have you got any cream for this?"

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, January 11, 2003

S1

I am Jade Mc Kanaga, I would like to know you a lil better... contact me.. ginajade@yahoo.com

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, February 28, 2003

S1

dear doctor irin....... yea i ahve a friend and he got dumped by his g/f which they have been going out for 5 months and he told me she dumped him because some other boy that was saying to her("oh look at ur hair,its so pretty)she fell for him and thats y she dumped her other b/f i think it s dumb when u've been with someone and they dump u for someone that gave u a comment~!~~! so i dont kno wat to tell my friend cause now hes heart broken and he misses her but u kno wat....in a way im the one giving him all the advise and now im starting to feel like i like him?...;) wat should i do??????

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, July 27, 2003

S1

A good beat-off session can cure many ills. Dr.Dan

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, August 20, 2003

S1

I recently got dumped as well. The girl simply waited until she met a new guy and got rid of me. She would tell me we were broken up the whole time anyhow. This was a 5 year relationship with the last two years w/o intimacy. I am a fool. I thought she loved me and wanted to marry me. I believe we stayed together so long because she just wasn't meeting anyone and too lazy to date. Help me.