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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

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Comments fo rNarcissists in My Life

Comments:  Narcissists in My Life

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2002. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

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Monday November 18, 2002

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Monday November 18, 2002

Jane, Sounds like you've come a long way! Congrats on having the foresight & strength to pull through this far already. You realise you need to heal & you're giving yourself the time & faith in your higher being to help you along. Keep up the good work! You're supported here... JewelsMommy

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Sunday November 24, 2002

WOW! is all I got to say to Jane. Her story is sooo similar, I would love to chat with her. Jane, I cannot believe how similar your story is. My husband, is gay, I'm pretty sure, he is abusive, controlling, manipulating, aggressive, extremely evil person. And Yes my mother raised me to be a doormat as well, and am still suffering from co-dependency, low self esteem, and depression. But my spirit is the only thing right now that is strong. and enough is enough, I want a better life. I am currently separated and hitting rock bottom and am not sure how to climb out due to tremendous fear. Hope I get to talk with you. 908-403-7704

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Tuesday November 26, 2002

Dear 908-403-7704, You say your fear is stopping you from getting a divorce and moving on with your life. My pastor says that the only fears that we are born with, are the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest of our fears are all created by ourselves. When I decided it was over with my husband, my fear was that something would happen to my car. I don't even know why I chose that fear. He drove a truck for a living and even if I broke down on the side of the road, I couldn't call him for help. He didn't know how to work on it to make repairs either. I did'nt worry about anything else, because I knew I was capable of dealing with everything else, but that was my fear of choice. When I realised that I just had a false sense of security with him, I was able to get over it. He needed me more than I needed him. I was an excellent codependent. You don't mention your age or whether you have small children. I know it was easier for me because my children are grown. If he has been gone for a year now, you are already by yourself, and you are surviving by yourself. It's hard to change. My husband and I lived in the same house from Oct until Aug, but I slept in another room. He left our bedroom first and when he came back, I moved to another room. I didn't trust him at all by then. There were times when I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but I knew it wasn't true. I kept my distance and he never once tried to hug me and tell me everything would be okay, and I was glad. From the way you say he's treating you, it sounds like he wants you to do the dirty work. He wants you to file for divorce. That way he can say you ended it, and it relives him of any guilt. But that's okay, because you know the TRUTH. Do what you need to do to LIVE. Read those books that Doctor Irene suggests on codependency. They are real eye openers and really hit home for me. I had no idea how distorted my way of thinking was. I think you have already done the hard part, you just don't know it yet. God never intended you to live like this. He really wants you to be happy. With love, Jane

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Thursday November 28, 2002

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Wednesday December 11, 2002

I feel your pain. I'm sorry.

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Friday December 13, 2002

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Saturday December 14, 2002

I sent in one comment already, but I never heard back. I am sooo shocked at how similar your situation is to mine. And was wondering if we could talk some time. I'm desperate to ask you some questions. My # is 908-403-7704, and I will return your call. If not I appreciate your story and wish you well. God is the answer but right now and for a long time he has not helped, well thats what it feels like anyway, because I too do not now where to put all this anger. Thanks and God Bless

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Saturday December 14, 2002

Hi again Jane, I just submitted again to you and then noticed that you did reply. SORRY. No my fear is leaving him. My fear is that we have the most precious person to me between us and that is my 15 month old son. He makes life so difficult for me and my son. And I wish he would be a dead beat dad, because he is soo evil to have around and wants to be around my son as much as possible. I'm living with my parents, UNFORTUNELY, right now in the interium of my divorce. I hate saying this but I hate my parents, I hate my mother, because she too raised me to be a doormat and my father nows exactly what my mother does to me and lets it happen. He actually is rapped around her finger and it makes me sick. I don't now how to deal with the anger I have. They absolutely give me no emotional support, I was told by the therapist that the only support they give is a roof over my head. That is it. They don't want to look bad after all and have their daughter in shelter. But I don't know where to put this anger. I'M SO DAMN ANGRY.

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Saturday December 14, 2002

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Sunday December 15, 2002

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Sunday December 15, 2002

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Thursday December 19, 2002

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Thursday December 19, 2002

Hey Jane, Can you call me again. I can't find your #. I had it in my car. My whole life is in dis-organization.

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Thursday December 19, 2002

 

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