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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

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7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments for Narcissism, Sex, Fidelity

Comments for Spouse / Mate of Narcissist

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2001. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com
 

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, March 05, 2001

S1

Part 1 of the article rather fit my H. However, part 2 does not. Or, rather, only partly. Can there be no narcissist who is married, had very few sexual partners before, loves sex, alternates only between periods when he is satisfied with little of it, to others when he likes more - no cheating, no extremes? I wonder.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 08, 2001

S1

This was uncomfortable reading: is it me? or him?

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, March 09, 2001

S1

These sections I find very interesting and almost somewhat of a relief. It does describe my X so completely. I find it so amazing that he can be decribed so clearly by someone who has never met him. The knowledge of what he is, and that it has nothing to do with me helps me to heal and understand how I allowed certian things to develop in my life. Thanks Dr. Irene.

K

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, March 11, 2001

S1

Very good! What about the Narcissistic parent ? I grew up with this and am still dealing with her into my 40s.

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, March 19, 2001

S1

EEEEKKKK! I was wondering what on earth was happening to me....I am a living contridition...I am a very sexual person, I was sexually abused as a child, but did not act out in the normal way. I chose to hang on to my sexualness until I got married. Enjoyed in very much with my ex spouse (who I verbally abused-but I am now a changed being 4 yrs ago thank you...but that is another story) and have just ended a relationship with a verbally abusive person. He was very sexual with me when he first met me, and the more I resisted, the more he persued. When we began having sex (which, sad to say was incredibly stupendeous)he was all about grabbing me and telling me how much he loved and wanted me...and like I said it was great! Then a year and 1/2 ago he started to become distant emotionally(heavily verbally abusive) and sexually, he would never kiss me, would snuggle but that was all, if we had sex at all it might be in the morning with no foreplay..then I discovered porn tapes that played to his fetish (he called it tasteful), then after he promised no more of that, I discovered that he had been calling porn lines for phone sex, then after that it was on line sex...it became apparent he would rather masterbate than to touch me...I tried to confront him on his verbal abuse and being non-physical with me, then he said he had apsolutely no desire at all. In the middle of a heated discussion about me crying and asking what was wrong with me (pitiful huh?) he stated he knew this would happen as it did in every relationship he had ever had. He said he was going to work on it and then I caught him coming out of another womans house when he said he was at the store (for 4 hours!) I had the typical victims thoughts that I was not good enough...etc. Well, this is some food for thought. Makes me want to run from any relationship...thank goodness I am going to therapy to try to figure out what is normal...I have lived a life of un-normalcy for so long that I have to try to get in gear for not just me, but for my kiddo's as well, boy...I was sure caught in a no win situation...ugggh.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, June 07, 2001

S1

I am overwhelmed after reading this page, this describes my marriage. I need help! barbara310@hotmail.com

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, July 24, 2001

S1

I am recovering from a Narcissist, who used flirtations with anybody available as a way to secure his Narcissitic suply rather than sex. I suspect that he flirted and hit on men as well as women. He certainly made a gay male friend of mine very uncomfortable. However on the surface he seemed a macho type of man, and hung around with very traditional men. I am wondering if this is normal for the narcisist. Men women basically anybody who could flatter his ego, were his prey and as the narcisit really doesnt see people as anything other than instruments for there amusment it would seem to fit. It also fits with his hatred of a mother figiure, and abuse of all women in his life. I thourght that maybe he was a latent homosexual at first unable to deal with it, thus the abuse. But now am thinking that he would treat any partner male of female with the same contempt.

I have also likened my experience with running in to a serial killer, for months I was flattered, chased, pampered and doted on, until he had set the stage, then slowley the horror of what I was dealing with came to light. I came into is strong with a good life (a little low self esteam but otherwize fine) within 2 years I lost my job, had an abortion and struggled to hold on to my home, consiquenses of living in madness for too long, and of course the worse things got the more abusive he became. I was within 2 arguements of being beaten really badly, and somehow with the support of the friends that wouldnt let go of me, I managed to get free, and tricked him into moving out on the basis that I would love him more if he wasnt there. The serial killer analogy works because I believe a skilled narcissist can catch you, even if you are relatively normal, so beware these monsters are disguised as charming nice giving people, it's only when it's to late that you reolize you have touched evil.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 15, 2002

S1

Once a Narcissist has lost interest in his current source of supply...does he regain interest and try to come back?

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, December 08, 2002

S1

something I learned in Al-Anon helped me when I realized what was going on - I didn't cause this; I can't control this; I can't cure this - just as with alcoholism - the good news I've found is that if this was an illusion, I don't have to feel so duped and stupid - I sure wanted it to be real and passed over confusing signs instead of backing up till I understood them - it does mean that I do have the capacity to love again - and a sign of health is that I did get out of it fairly quickly - this is a sad thing for the other person because he's missing so much, but it is not something that I can ever fix - God alone has that kind of power, either in this life or the next - I certainly wish him the best - understanding has removed much of my anger; self-responsibility for my part in it has removed the rest - guess that I was lucky to have the background with alcoholism and the steps to work my way through - crying and talking to my sponsor helped a lot - crying melts the rock on my heart - painful at the time, but worth it

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, July 02, 2003

S1

Are people who engage in Cybersex and have online adult profiles with explicit pictures of themselves considered Narcissists?

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, August 05, 2003

S1