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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Comments for Help!

Comments for Help! He'll Kill Me!

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos  Copyrightę 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

 

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Diane, you sound like a very intelligent woman. Now is the time for you to use that intelligence to GET OUT! Save your kids from a life of perpetuating this relationship in their own future relationships. This man does not deserve you in his life! I wish you the very best. I strongly encourage you to contact your local battered women's shelter for advice and assistance.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Diane...I just turned 50 and both of my daughters have gotten married and moved out in the past 2 years.. I am now alone with my husband who has been almost as bad as yours for 29 years !! mine will also go for as long as a month totally ignoring me if I do any small thing he doesn't like. About a month ago, after finding this site, I stood up to him one night and told him I wasn't going to take it anymore, or be talked to like that, or have him control my life !! He was shocked that I had stood up to him!! Asked me who I thought I was to talk to him like that, and if I wasn't happy,, to hit the door! A few days later he turned to Mr. Perfect and it lasted for 3 weeks ! Then I did something to make him mad ( I think I wanted to go to my girlfriend's house ) and he moved into the guest room and hasn't spoken to me since. Now he says its because I told him he was no good and I wanted to leave him. He's from a very abusive family and had a terrible experience in Vietnam,,,,that's why I always felt sorry for him.. Guess what ? After reading this site.. I found out he is a typical case of verbal, mental, and (was) physical abuser! ( he quit pushing, hitting and threatening me when I called the police and threatened to have him arrested the next morning at work so his employees could see him taken out in handcuffs) (sometimes the thought that they could be exposed will make them stop doing some abusing) I am now in the process of planning my "escape" I am looking for a job ( he made me quit my job years ago) and getting myself in order before I leave. I also am afraid of him because of his past.. but I have weighed the pros and cons and I know I deserve a better life even if I have to work two jobs !! so do you !! your family will be your refuge,, go there!! He will become so sweet and convincing...don't believe him !!!!! AS soon as he has you back in his spell he will go right back..... I don't think these men truly understand the reality of what they are.........and we cant help them.. I had a hard time making my decision because I am a Christian who has always been told that I cant leave unless he commits adultery.. That is what the Bible says....but I'm not so sure how long I can live with this stress. My doctor said stress can kill you !! I have gone on Wellbutrin and I don't cry and let things bother me anymore like I did... ask your doctor about this !! God Bless you and I pray you don't live in hell for as many years as I did ,,, leave now !!

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Dear Diane,

Please get out. Don't beat yourself up because you haven't. It's counter productive, it eats at your already damaged self esteem and just keeps you where you are. Understand that you have tolerated the situation because this is all you know. I know, believe me, I've been there. It is only recently that I have realized the great disservice I have done to myself.

Get legal protection...for you life and your children's life. Make an appointment with a therapist. It will help you stay focused and help sort out you feelings.

You deserve better, your children deserve better.

Good luck, My thoughts are with you

Karl

 

  B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

GET OUT NOW

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Dear Diane, I also think it would be a good idea to get back to your family in your hometown. Is their newspaper on the internet, so you can check the classified ads for jobs, or even a temp agency, before you move? Would a family member let you stay with them until you get on your feet? You need that emotional support right now.

Restraining orders: some abusers ignore them. If he crosses the line one inch, you must call the police and report the violation. Don't think "Oh well, it was a minor offense, not big enough for the police to bother with." Get the order of protection/restraining order. don't let him take an inch, he'll take a mile. Abusers "test" you.

You already have a credit card he doesn't know about. GREAT! I'm in the same boat you are. The place where I worked went out of business, not enough income to get away from my abusive brother. I have credit cards, and some stocks, so I'm luckier than most. But, he doesn't know, so recently I moved a bunch of paper files to a rented storage unit. I found the idea of renting a storage unit on Dr Irene's site. Anything of value I am slowly moving out. I'm keeping minimal clothing at home. When I'm ready to go (unannounced) it will be faster.

Your children: that hurts me to read about what is happening to them. This is only my guess, but I'll bet your little boy is on his way to being an abuser and your little girl a codependent (she's already acting that way). Another reason to get to a different city. Put some distance between you and him.

I think at some point you might need a lawyer. I know, more money. For now, FOCUS ON GETTING AWAY! Try to read something on this site every day. Ask for support, you'll get it. Be extra kind to yourself. Sis

 

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Dear Diane, I got married at age 16 and was married and abused for 20 years. Getting out and seeing a lawyer was a very hard and scary thing to do but I have never regretted it .He was always threatening to kill me. Go for it. Its a whole new and wonderful life.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Diane: Contact a local Women's Center or shelter. They may have a list of attorneys that are particularly good in your kind of matter. We lawyers don't bite! We have the backbone to stand up to jerks like your soon-to-be-ex. (It's my perverse pleasure in my practice!) Don't worry that you will be embarrassed, or that others will think you odd. You are to be commended for trying to make it work. Remember, it's YOUR opinion of yourself that counts, not the neighbors, newspaper readers, clerks in the store, in-laws, or anybody else (and certainly not his!). It will take a real "sea change", but you must consider yourself NUMBER ONE for a change. Medication and talking with others will help. Your salary is quite generous in many communities, and if you must do without some luxuries (multiple vehicles), look what you'll gain. Your sanity and peace of mind. Remember, your Dad was probably a good example. Your boss is a good example. Not all men (or women) are abusers, though the tendency is there to some extent in most folks. Look out for a Mr. Right who tries to rescue you. Soon-to-be-ex will next try to "get" to you through custody fights with your kids, and that's why you need to document NOW. Write in a diary or on a calendar. This will not all disappear when you summon the courage to leave, but you may get used to feeling courageous. It's a good feeling. You go, girl!

 

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

Dear Diane:

Listen to Dr. Irene and get out now before he hurts you or the children. He has already threatened you. Next time he is drinking he may do something far worse although what he has done so far is enough! I also come from a big family and if yours is like mine then there is a lot of support. Go to them and do not look back. Your son will thank you for it because it sounds like this is destroying him inside. It is never to late to help them out of their pain. Go now to your family. There are plenty of people there that can help keep you safe from that big bully. This is the only life you know, but your conscience is telling you the right thing for you and your children. Do not hesitate because it will only get worse as you know while you and your children lose your very being. Once out, you will feel so much better and wonder why you didn't do this years ago. Good luck to you and your young ones! God bless and keep you. Karen

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

To all who have responded....Hi, I am Diane.

I am in awe of the amount of support from people who don't even know me. I read each of your posts and feel for each of you. It's so good to have a place to go where others have/are in my shoes, where others truly understand.

I've done one of the hardest things I have ever done.....and that is to tell my chilling story of abuse. But like Dr. Irene says, abuse thrives in secrecy, and I kept this secret until February of last year when I finally told my sister.....and only this year told my family. It's still a secret though, because my husband does NOT yet know HIS secret is not a secret to the outside world. This is the hard part. EXPOSING HIM, and him finding out his reputation has been tainted (by his own doing). This is what TERRIFIES me. To everyone he is perfect...the perfect husband, father, and employee. I, and only I, will be the one to expose him for what and who he really is. The day I leave, will be the day he realizes just what he's done....or in his eyes, what I have done to him. I sometimes feel like one of the people in the Bible story where a woman was going to be stoned and Jesus replied: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"....and I say to myself "How can I do this (expose my abuser) when I am a sinner too?" Diane: First of all, the goal is not to expose your abuser. The goal is to stop the abuse. But, in terms of the sinner exposing another sinner, look at it this way: you are imperfect, yes. But, you are even more imperfect when you allow yourself to be hurt - and when you put your children in a position to be hurt.  Do you want their emotional blood on your hands? Is it "right" to sacrifice the children to save the father's ego? Dr. Irene Why do I feel so guilty after all I have endured? I am terrified of what his reaction will be to me, to my children, to my family, to my friends! Or are these things I just cannot allow myself to worry about? I think you have to worry about the well-being of yourself and your children first. Everything else is secondary. Also, did it ever occur to you that your husband may need a wake-up call? Maybe he also hates the way he is... (But, what he does is up to him; not your concern!)  My nature is non-confrontational, to take the path of least resistance, and that is why I am still married to him. Somehow, I must build up my inner strength and find courage within to follow-through. I just don't know how to get started. Can I do this without counseling, or therapy? I will continue to keep everyone posted and look forward to your continued advice and encouragement.

Thank you again for your concern......Diane.

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 25, 2000

S1

GET OUT! GET OUT! Like you I was afraid. Afraid I couldn't make it financially, afraid my kids would fall to pieces, even afraid that what he said about me was true and that maybe HE was right , that I'd never make it on my own, that I'd be back when I "came back to center" as he called it. But guess what?! It's 2 1/2 years later and I'm alive, I'm happy, I have my pride, my self-esteem is slowly recovering , the kids are ok, I'm not starving, and LIFE IS SLOWLY BECOMING WONDERFUL! Was it hard? You bet! Did I cry? Of course! Did I think I'd die from heartache and depression? Many days! But therapy, antidepressants, friends, time and faith pulled me through. YOU CAN DO IT TOO. Do it for yourself and for your kids...stop the cycle. Let your kids see what strength and healthy self-love can accomplish. Good luck! Deb

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000

S1

Diane, God - praying you have the strength to do this.....leave! Just go. Your fear will soon be replaced by relief and the knowing that you did the right tying by going. Deep down in your heart of hearts you know it's the only decision you can make - YOU be the one to end the torture. It's not a loss, but such a rich gain. This isn't living - you deserve all the wonderful things in life - take a big breath, know you'll be OK, and keep looking forwards. Sending love & support.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000

S1

Oh my gosh, I am feeling empathy for & with you Diane. I am also in a situation and am not leaving, as of yet. sometimes it is because I am feeling like maybe it is me who is the abuser, because of when I react to the verbal abuse, by being vulnerable

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000

S1

Get out now -- whatever happens is better than death at his hands.

Don't worry about the money, the job, or him -- they will take care of themselves.

A women's shelter will help you -- they'll have a lot of information on lawyers and people who can help.

Remember -- you are not responsible for him, his reputation, or anything he does.

Get out NOW. Don't worry about divorce.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000

S1

Response from Diane.....

I'm amazed at the support and advice I am being given....to say the least I am humbled. My alarm, or "wake up call(s)" has (have) been buzzing for years, and I can't continue hitting the "snooze" button anymore, can I?  But, I am queen of procrastination, especially when it comes to doing things I really don't like or am scared to do. Well...I got called into my boss's office this morning. I got $75.00 (yea! - it's "administrative professional's day). He also asked if I've sought help through our company paid counseling service (free), as well as sought a lawyer (also free). I told him I was "workin' on it". I get so mad at myself for being 40 and yet still be unable to take myself by the hand and open the doors that I know are out there waiting with an abundance of help! I also ordered the book "The Gift of Fear", and it should arrive any day. I have scoured the book store for anything to help me with my fear, and that will give me courage and strength. I feel things are now moving at a fast pace, and I'm trying to figure out if I need to be running a 3.5 mile mph pace or full steam ahead! I know...full steam ahead, right? Yes Diane. Full speed. Thank you Dr. Irene....your words "emotional blood on my hands" really hit home. Of course I can't allow this to go on, if not for me, especially for my children. A few nights ago, my son actually (after his dad had cursed him and humiliated him) asked me to divorce him! I'm not surprised. Talk about a wake up call! I have in front of me about 20 names of law offices and lawyers in my area covered through my benefits. How do I choose one? How do I know who is best for me and my situation? What kind of questions do I ask? I have noticed that each time I talk about this whole ordeal, although I cry, I am able to cry for less time, and then I see more clearly. But at the same time, I am breaking down the walls that cover extremely painful areas that I've hidden in order to protect myself. I don't know why I have allowed myself to be a victim for all these years, and why I didn't listen to those little voices inside 20 years ago that told me that this was not the way I should be treated by a man, or by anyone! I certainly don't want to do a repeat either! Just this morning, I was halfway down the stairs, and instead of my husband saying "Good Morning", he says "I should stick three fingers up your P right now you look so good". I couldn't get out of there fast enough!

Maybe most of my most pressing questions can only be answered by a lawyer in my state (MN)...for instance:

1) If I choose to leave, do I still have to make payments on all our bills, home mortgage, etc? We have a 2nd loan through the mortgage that we used to pay off some bills, and have that to pay off as well. I don't want to default on the mortgage and loose the house to the bank! But how do I do this (pay my half of bills) and pay to live away at the same time? I don't make near what he does, and the bills alone would eat up my salary.

2) If I stay and have him removed by court order, does he still have to help pay for the bills, mortgage, etc? He can live FREE with his mother or brother. All his family is here. I have none here.

3) Can I leave this state with my kids and go home, and divorce him from my home state? I read that I can not file for divorce unless I have lived there 6 months. Are there "hardship" cases where I flee to protect myself and my kids???

If there is a lawyer experienced with the above, I would be most grateful for your advice...as I did read a post above from a lawyer (THANK YOU!!) I hope you read come back and read this one.

Right now my husband is, of course, acting out the honey moon phase of the cycle. He does what he can to get me to think his intentions are good (cooks dinner, and cleans the kitchen which he did last night) but I had to praise him for this as though he were a toddler!!!

I don't want to make my real move until the kids have finished this term of school, their last day being June 8th. He travels for his job occasionally, and the prime time to leave would be on one of those trips. Lately, however, he has avoided all trips (hmmmmmmm) and usually takes one or both kids with him if he goes somewhere (another hmmmmmmmmmmm). Perhaps you can plan to leave with both children early one morning after he leaves for work...

Thank you again everyone, and especially Dr. Irene for all your advice, care, and concern.......Diane

Helen Keller: Alone we can do so little....Together we can do so much.

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, April 27, 2000

S1

Dear Diane, How my heart goes out to you! I know exactly what you are going through, especially all of the "what if" questions about finances and the details of how you will live your life. These questions show your high level of maturity and intelligence as well as your sense of responsibility. They are good, but don't let them stop you from taking action. You have resources in your hand through the free benefits offered by your employer (what a blessing!). Just pick a lawyer, tell them your story, ask your questions and GET ANSWERS! The law is the law in each state, the financial answers should pretty much be standard. If you pick a lawyer and don't like them for some reason, pick another. Just BEGIN!

In cases I have known about, when a couple has been married as long as you have, with the husband making significantly more money than the wife, he is required to help her financially (alimony) as well as pay child support. Things are not always divided in equal halves, but are based on other factors. It depends on the laws of your state. That is why you need to get legal advice as quickly as possible. It will give you peace of mind and quiet all of the voices in your head when you have concrete answers.

You asked if you could get through this without therapy. I don't think so. You need an empathetic listener who will validate you as a person and who will help you see the situation from another perspective. The life you have been in is all you know. It will take time to unravel the cords which have bound you, that is why you are crying so much. The scabs are being pulled off the hidden wounds and it hurts, but it also will speed up the healing process. Talking about it is one way to make it happen faster. The more light you shine into the darkness, the faster recovery will come.

I will pray for your safety and protection and strength during this difficult time. You sound very strong inside, even though YOU feel like you are made of Jello. You are NOT! In time you will see who the real you is. All the best to you and your children. AMF

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, April 27, 2000

S1

You should also seek immediate counseling for your son, because his hurt and anger and role model could lead him to be abusive in the future. Let him know that you love him and you are leaving his father because his behaviour is not right (you don't want to say his dad is a bad man because he loves his dad deep down and would be afraid that it meant he was "bad" too.) Please, please help your son and yourself by getting out!!

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, May 08, 2000

S1

Diane,

Although, your situation sounds worse then mine, i want to tell you that you are not alone in the name calling and guilt and uncertainty you are feeling...

I should be divorced right now because of name calling and pushing, and middle finger in the face and millions of disgusting words... and i have not done so because i feel this sense of guilt and obligation to stay,,, i believe it that divorce is wrong, yet what is happening to us both is not right...

All of those words that you have heard day in and day out are so untrue... you cannot hear them anymore for they are destructive... also, you do NOT MAKE ANYONE DO ANYTHING>.. so sparking him off is just NOT TRUE>>> he is wrong and he may not know better and HE MAY NOT WAKE UP WHEN YOU LEAVE but this IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM... I REPEAT NOT YOUR PROBLEM

he has sinned against you and you ARE FREE TO LEAVE according to the Bible... (you always are free to leave but since you quoted such i thought id mention it)

YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AND YOU WILL FEEL SO GOOD WHEN YOU LEAVE! YOU WILL BE A NEW TO DO WHATEVER YOU WISH... also, from talking to kids of abusive families,,, your children will UNDERSTAND,,, these kids say that they wish their parents had divorced so they would nt have to watch the person they love the most (mom) being hurt...

Your job is great! You should be free to work and live and feel good about what you do and who you are... you should be free to look in the mirror and say, you know what im ok, in fact im pretty good... you should be able to be sick, and be cared for, and have help and to relax... for more then just a moment

have you left yet? Just go and DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT AND DO NOT LOOK BACK! take dr irene and others advice ,,, protect yourself first,,, if you are not happy you CANNOT MAKE ANYONE ELSE HAPPY (ie children) take care of #1 first,,, and the rest will fall into place, in time...

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 10, 2000

S1

Diane, Your letter could have been written by me, as your situation sounds so similar to mine. Please take Dr. Irene's advice to the letter, and do not hesitate! I, too, followed this advice. I am now divorced, living life on my own terms, happy and ALIVE! Do not underestimate his threats to kill you. I will tell you the story of a nurse I worked with, who was not as lucky as I was to get out. She, too, lived with her emotionally and physically abusive husband for over 20 years-had 3 great kids. She started talking to me about her situation after my divorce was final. I told her the steps I took(i.e. seeing my Dr. for an antidepressant, getting an attorney, getting into counseling and moving back home), and about Dr. Irene's site. She saw an attorney, and was proceeding with a divorce. In the meantime, her husband has a massive heart attack, and she felt guilty about leaving a sick man, right? However, she stayed on her path(toward divorce), though neither of them left the home. He began threatening to commit suicide, and continued these threats, until he shot her in the back of the head, and killed himself. I still wonder what more I could have done to help her ( I'm a nurse, too; we tend to think we can 'fix' everything & everyone). Get out as quick as you can, and don't look back. Best Wishes, Karen

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 10, 2000

S1

Update from Diane......

God knows I am procrastinating, so to help me get going (again!!), He has put me in another situation that further reinforces that "gut" feeling that I need to get out, and soon (the kids have 22 school days left)! Yesterday morning, the phone rang. When it's that early (7 AM) I have come to realize it's my mother-in-law calling needing help. She has a debiliating disease that has taken away from her the use of her right leg and arm. She falls quite often, and cannot pull herself up from the floor.

Many many times during the night and day she has called us to help....and it appals me to watch my husband moan and groan "here we go again", instead of racing to help his poor mother! He forces me and the kids (I have to wake them up!!) to go with him at night(he won't go by himself (??) and leave me home with the kids.....hmmm wonder why!). She was again calling to get him to come lift her back onto her bed. However, he has made her feel so bad for calling during the night that she laid on the floor unable to move from 2:30 AM till 7 AM when she could no longer wait to go to the bathroom (which is why she fell trying to get up to go). My "H" had a breakfast meeting and 3 others that morning and REFUSED to cancel any of them. I look at him incrediously and told him he had to go pick her up, for there was noone else! He looked at me and told me to tell her HE ALREADY LEFT and that I WAS GOING TO GO PICK HER UP! I went back to the phone and told her he had just left, then I got the kids on the school bus and told her I'd be right over.

I don't know how I did it, but I lifted her (200+) pounds! I finally got her back on her bed, helped her change her clothes, got her breakfast, etc. This was also the first day in 2 months my H had left the house for more than a few hours, so without telling him, I stayed home (or else he would have come home and bugged me). I was so upset with him I decided to start making copies of as many papers as I could find! I said to myself: NO MORE!!!! IF HE WOULD LET HIS OWN MOTHER WALLOW ON THE FLOOR, WHAT AM I TO EXPECT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME??? Now I am nursing a very sore and pulled back, which in my adrenalin rush to help her didn't phase me at the time...her comfort and well being was TOP PRIORITY. (She hasn't yet moved into a facility where she can get care, but is working on that. Part of it denial, part of it the cost.) I was in back pain all night and had a terrible headache.

Only days before this happened, he told me he dreamed I asked him for a divorce, and that I told him I didn't love him anymore and never did (I wonder if he really did dream this or if he is making it up to test me), and since that dream he's been putting on this facad of being nice, however, this incident with his mothers speaks LOUDER THAN WORDS! His actions do not emulate his words!!!

I am taking a few things at a time out of his file cabinet (tax returns, stock records, etc.) and copying this all this week. I am contacting an family law attorney as soon as I have important papers (is there a list of these?) for an initial consultation and will have as much information and documentation of his treatment of me. Most of all, I must remain strong, courageous, determined, FOCUSED, and more than ever, put my faith in God to lead the way. I don't remember the bible passage, but the one that comes to mind is: "No weapon formed against thee will prosper".

Thank you again everyone, for sharing your stories, and for your advice and support. I am grateful and you are what helps keep me focused, find the strength I know is inside, and the courage to follow through. You are all instrument's of God's peace, especially you, Dr. Irene.

I'll keep you updated....Diane

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 12, 2000

S1

Please,Diane, get out before he does kill one of you! A drunk person is not a sane person. A battered woman's group can help in many ways.

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 19, 2000

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday, May 20, 2000

S1

For the sake of your children & for yourself get out. This man is sick, extremely sick. I see a lot of my husband in what you've said & wish I was out myself. I have no children, but you do. Get out for their sake. Since your family knows, you have a tremendous asset right there. Your husband isn't worth 1 nights loss of sleep. He deserves nothing. You & your children deserve a chance to be free & to be happy. God only knows, I'm aware of how difficult is it to leave, that's why I'm still in my horrid relationship, but I wish all those like me to get out of theirs. I pray that you will find the strength & support to make a break. If you leave, don't ever ever look back.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 24, 2000

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 24, 2000

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, May 24, 2000

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 26, 2000

S1

For the sake of your children and yourself don't wait anylonger...get some legal advice from someone that specializes in family law Contact a women's shelter or support center and get out of there as fast as you can before he really loses it sometime.

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 26, 2000

S1

Diane: While at work call a woman's shelter and make arrangements to get out. Don't worry about the money. Take your kids and GO. He will kill you one day. The guy is unstable. I have many abusers in my family and know all too well how you feel. Don't wait. I will keep you and your kids in my prayers. Please, get help quickly. He will not change, but you can, and should!

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, November 28, 2002

S1

Diane, get out of there with your children! Especially your children. From the sounds of it, your son in particular will probably become violent himself when he grows up, when he's old enough to take on his old man, with no mercy. Things will happen that will be regreted, on both sides. The fact that your husband threatened your son with a KNIFE is a scary thought, showing exactly how psychotic he can be. But this also shows that he himself doesn't acknowledge the consequences of this action, along with many others that he has committed. As your son grows, he himself will grow a few of the traits of his father, not all of them, but anger, lack of acknowledging consequences, and several others that he himself subliminally gets exposed to by his father. I say this because I myself was abused by my father, but at the age of 14 I was able to overpower him, but only because he was drunk. He was sent to the hospital after the fight. The feeling is great, the adrenaline, the power, the feeling of overcoming a great boundary. But along with this comes the feeling of sadness, worry, all mixed up. Not too long after that I sended him to the local county jail. I don't want to get into it too much, but during the night that he stayed there, my mother and I worried if he was going to go on somekind of rampage and kill us or something. He got anger control and alcohal therapy after that, and that changed alot. I guess my final suggestion is that you either get out of there with your children, or you tell the local authority so that he gets a load of therapy for anger and alcohal, along with several other negative "characteristics" he has.

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, January 22, 2003

S1

Your husband sounds like he has Narcissistic personality disorder! Please try and do some reading and research on this subject. It may be very helpful for you. My estranged husband is Narcissistic. My life is a NIGHTMARE! Just my understanding how sick my husband is, helps me to take the guilt off of myself. I thought I was crazy. NO HE IS.... Take care.. Be Strong! I wish you a happier future

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, July 30, 2003

S1

Diane, I have lived in this type of abuse for 10 years. You don't realise how bad it was until you leave. You wonder why on earth you didn't leave sooner. You will become a different person when you leave , more confident and assured. You are not helping your children by staying. Just leave the material things behind and just leave, stay with family until you get onto your feet or get help from a charity organisation. I lost a lot financially and had to start again, but it was worth it, best of luck!

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday, July 30, 2003

S1

Diane, I have lived in this type of abuse for 10 years. You don't realise how bad it was until you leave. You wonder why on earth you didn't leave sooner. You will become a different person when you leave , more confident and assured. You are not helping your children by staying. Just leave the material things behind and just leave, stay with family until you get onto your feet or get help from a charity organisation. I lost a lot financially and had to start again, but it was worth it, best of luck!