Comments for Chilling Husband

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Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyright© 2000. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, August 20, 2000

S1

Georgia, I don't know about where you live, but there should be battered wives shelters and organizations which could give you all the info you need on legal assistance as well as shelter should you need it. (And it sounds as if you're not far from needing it, tho I am no professional) I was lucky. I was able to get an attorney who was much more cut-throat than I had ever been. I went to the bank, the Dr. and the attorney all in the same day after he beat me. I signed the papers the next day. My attorney filed temporary custody orders and restraining orders. (But just so that you will know: ALWAYS be where you are safe. Many women die with restraining orders in their pockets) I know you say he hasn't physically abused you, but that doesn't mean it won't happen now that you are taking back CONTROL that he dearly craves. May God bless you richly!! Connie

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, August 20, 2000

S1

Hang in there Georgia...I believe you should be able to stay in your home too. I was in a similar situation 12 years ago when I left my abusive husband and the final days were all but terrifying for me. He became this out of control wild eyed being that I thought was about to snap??? Luckily he didn't!! But I despair when I hear how so many women are frightened into submission and lose everything including their children to these men. If he were to ever have custody you can be relatively sure he would abuse your children the way he has you...if not already... and for sure if they try to assert themselves. After all these years when ever I have to deal with my ex I always feel that I must don a coat of armor (emotional) because the moment I get soft he charges in with a cruel remark or intention. Be smart.. play the same game he does aligning yourself with people that do have power i.e. police.. courts etc. but first and foremost if you ever feel you are in physical danger get out with your kids immediately. Good Luck!! We are behind you all the way!! Kari

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, August 21, 2000

S1

This "Gregory" is enough to make me want to throw up. The most sickening part is that he is not alone. There are plenty of men like him. I would get the best attorney that I possibly could, and after having lost custody to my ex-husband and his live in girlfriend, who sees my kids far more hours than I do, I would highly recommend getting a male attorney. You need an attorney who is as manipulative as he is. What an absolute p&*%k your common-law "husband is. He doesn't think with his brain at all. I would think that the fact that he sunbathes in the nude in front of of your kids wouldn't be regarded too well by the court. Good luck...and don't trust anyone until they prove themselves trustworthy.

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, August 21, 2000

S1

Georgia:

hi, girl. you may have already, but i strongly encourage you to journal every single thing that you can think of about the relationship. documenting it will cement in your own mind what is the best course for you and your children. and you will need it to establish decision making and custody rights. the more comprehensive of a journal you can create, the easier it will be for those with authority to help you, attorney, social workers, judges, etc.

i believe that my relative success so far with my divorce, without an attorney, has been hugely because i documented everything i could remember, and then i would remember more.... the people that will help you are professionals, they saw red-flags waving in my story that i had no real cognizance of during the early months of my recovery.

my motto is worth repeating here: "this, too, shall pass."   Excellent advice...

take care, rhoda     

B1: Submit
Date: Monday, August 21, 2000

S1

Bless you, get a lawyer and pdq. You may be, or have resided in, a state that recognizes common law marriages - Idaho did until 1998. Unfortunately, staying at home is no longer a financial option for you right now, so plan for employment or employment training.

8/27 Can you post and let us know how you are?

B1: Submit
Date: Friday, May 17, 2002

S1

Sounds like your in denial of faults you have in the relationship and what issues from the past you bring into it. At some point you will have to accept some responsibility, whether its 10 or 80%. Denial only holds you up for so long.