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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

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Comments for J's Last Chapter

Comments:  J's Last Chapter

Material posted here is intended for educational purposes only, and must not be considered a substitute for informed advice from your own health care provider.

Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos   Copyrightę 1998-2002. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com

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B1: Submit
Date: Friday November 08, 2002

S1

Testing... Sorry the form wasn't working for so many days! Becky, thanks for notifying me! Doc

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday November 09, 2002

S1

J, I remember your story and I'm sorry it turned out this way. You sound strong, though! A friend recently advised me to count my experiences with my abusive husband as "seed" for the future: learn from them and make them count for something better! It sounds as though you are doing that. Take care, and best wishes for a happy future for you, Becky

B1: Submit
Date: Saturday November 09, 2002

S1

I've been following this story, and I am happy to see that J is now a free man. J: Yolanda can't love you the way you want to be loved, and I don't think she's capable of it with anyone. She's a taker, plain and simple. It seems like she just needs people to take care of her, and she isn't able to see the value in people who do care. Be thankful you do not have to spend the rest of your life with someone like this. It's obvious how much you wanted it to work, but it takes two people to make it work. One person doing their best is not going to make a relationship work. Please don't beat yourself up. It's like you weren't good enough, it's just that Yolanda has problems, and she isn't able to see what a good man you are. It's not a failure thing...she failed to see that you were good to her. I think in the future, she will not change. She will leave a wake of sadness and frustration behind her, wherever she goes. Be thankful that you are now free to find the love you deserve. It's out there. Trust me.

B1: Submit
Date: Monday November 11, 2002

S1

jay, so sorry you got hooked up on a narcissist, they as iam sure you know are not able to love, or maintain consistantcy while in relationship. it is nothing to feel ashamed or embarressed, GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART, HE WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU TRUST HIM

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday November 14, 2002

S1

Dear J: As someone fairly recently freed from my 20 year marriage to a narcissist, I think I can safely say that I feel your pain and your sense of regret. Your last paragraph starts by saying the God is good all the time, and then moves into doubts about your future. We don't know what the future holds. I do know that I have been much happier once I accepted the belief that you state - that God truly is good all the time. Things will unfold as they may, and always with grace, if I don't fight them. At 46, will I ever find that truly healthy marriage in which we love and support each other? (Will I ever even get a decent date?! :-) Who knows? I have come to realize how important it has been for me to learn to be happy alone (without a partner - I do have a son). That has been a huge life lesson for me, to just enjoy my days, however they are, to enjoy who is around me and to have my antenna up for those people who will always be trouble. The end of a marriage, even one filled with emotional abuse, hurts. You are grieving for the death of a dream. That sweet woman will of course accept you just as you are - that will be the key! You are now free for that possiblity to even happen. Now enjoy your days and yourself. Maria

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday November 26, 2002

S1

You ex is finding others with no problem whether married to you or not what makes you think you can't? thanks lena

B1: Submit
Date: Wednesday November 27, 2002

S1

YUK. Deleted by Doc

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday December 15, 2002

S1

Sorry, but I have to say that the above post is incredibly rude and way off the mark.

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday December 15, 2002

S1

I have to agree. Reminds me of some of the twisted logic of my ex abuser. CF

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday December 15, 2002

S1

I agree with you guys about the Nov. 27th post. It's creepy, actually. It is also extremely hostile and abusive.

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday December 15, 2002

S1

I agree with you guys about the Nov. 27th post. It is creepy, actually. It is also incredible hostile and abusive.

Yes! Please email me if you see stuff like this. Thanks. Dr. Irene

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday May 01, 2003

S1

Dear J, This is the first time I have been on this website. I was feeling very despairing of myself and the situations I have allowed myself to be in. I too have been married twice and had many unfortunate relationships in between and after. I was feeling very despairing tonight - like that feeling that it is too late for me to ever have a healthy relationship. Then I read your story here and even though you sounded definite about the never again part - you did sound free of her and have turned to God for your comfort. That is the only thing that really gives me much comfort - knowing that God loves me and cares for me. It is easy to say oh I made a mess but you know what - at least we don't ever have to do that again - Thank you God. I feel very sad at times for my past but I know that God is finally guiding me in some way. I hope you can read this and know you are not the only one who has gone thru this pain of being married to such a person or involved with them over and over again. I commend you on you sabbatical from dating and take care. MC 5/1/03

B1: Submit
Date: Monday May 26, 2003

S1

Wow!! J i simpathisise with all that you have gone through. I am involved in a relationship that I am addicted to that goes back and fourth. I too have made many mistakes which has resulted in me becoming quite bitter about things in general all because of my partners problems. Whatevre happenns realise that god is strong and good and ahs a plan for all of us. Ultimatley you should not give up on love because of the problem that Yolanda has. Ultimately yolandas problems are her problems and you should not make them your own. You can only help people to a certain extent and only if they want to be helped. My partner is aliar and a manipulator but I cannot help to love but for the things that we have shared together. I myself do not know what the future hold. Today i woke upi angry and depressed but reading your story and those of other people has helped in the lonely place that I am ijn. I can now look outside and see the reality of the blue sky and abundence of freedom that is out there. I feel that if we both only look backwards we will never move forwards....!! Good luck for the future G Gtropaco@aol.com

B1: Submit
Date: Monday August 11, 2003

S1

Jay, Keep your heart open. Next time, remember those tiny red flags and get out fast when it starts to hurt. Some folks will adjust their behavior for love- these you can stick with. If they don't or can't, leave. Good luck!

 

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