Sent: Friday, October 15, 1999
Subject: Thanks for your site
I just wanted to thank you for putting your site together. I first
"discovered" that I was in a
verbally abusive relationship almost 2 years ago. I began
individual therapy about 18 months ago. I am still trying to make
my marriage work.
When I first realized my situation I searched the internet high and low
for a website, e-mail support list or chat room that addressed this
problem. I couldn't find one. The best I could find was
co-dependent support, but nothing that specifically addressed the verbal
abuser/co-dependent relationship. I felt so alone and overwhelmed.
I don't know how long your site has been here, but if it was here 2
years ago, all the search engines missed it! I am SO glad to
have found it. I have been on the Yeouchhh list for several weeks
now. I find it much more helpful than the co-dependence e-mail
support list I have been on.
There are several reasons I feel this list is so much better for me than
the general co-dependence recovery support group I have been on.
Since my husband is neither an addict nor a physical abuser, it is easy
for me to feel both "unworthy" and "more fortunate".
By "unworthy", I mean that I feel silly complaining about mean
words when other folks in the group are dealing with an alcoholic or a
compulsive gambler. By "more fortunate" I mean that I am
physically and financially "safe" while others are in bankruptcy
because their partner gambled, drank, or snorted everything away.
These same factors prevented me from joining support groups for physical
abuse. I want to emphasize that the other folks on the
co-dependency list were supportive--I guess THEY could see that I had an
equally difficult situation. It is me. My biggest problem is
teaching myself that I deserve a better life. (And that I am NOT
really physically or financially safe.) Simply put--Yeouchhh subscribers are in the EXACT same
situation as me. There is no way I can deny my pain or think that
my situation "isn't as bad as his/hers". Other
Yeouchhh subscribers describe situations that mirror my own so clearly
that I am forced to face reality. No hiding from the truth.
I believe that I will make more rapid progress in my recovery now that I
have this resource. Thank you so much! Annette
Thank you so much!
The site did not
go up until March 1, 1999 and did not become a verbal abuse site (it
was a codependence, various types of addiction site) until reader
email led me to change it sometime in the Spring or early Summer.
My very best
Sent: Monday, September 20, 1999 12:08 PM
I don't know if you remember me but I
wrote to you asking for credentials and I told you that my BF
(EX!!!!!) thought you were a quack. I no longer need those
credentials!! I know now that I was being silly and I have a
new motto and allot of this has to do with stumbling upon your site!
I want to thank you again and again! I also want you to know
that you have made a difference for a lost little girl that didn't
know! Now I know and I'm better because of it! Thank you
so much for caring! New motto:
Thank you thank you thank you!
(the new and improved NOT emotionally
abused) Amy :)
Glad you figured that one out all
your lonesome! Feels good to take your power, no? By the way, my
credentials have always been on the site: http://www.drirene.com/resume.php
Well, you rock all the same and YES
it DOES feel good!! He moved out last night. It's
finally over! Amy
Sent: Wednesday, September 08,
1999 2:55 PM
Subject: Just wanted to say
I just wanted to write and say thanks. I am fresh out of an
emotionally abusive relationship and I have found your site to be
amazingly informative - both about what I cannot control (whether he
decides to help himself learn new behaviors and whether he decides to
re-enter my life) and what I can control (how to not be a victim and
whether I will even let him re-enter my life). Wish I could force my
ex-boyfriend to read it, for his own sake, (oops, here we go with the
control issue again!), but I can't make that happen. Right.
We dated for 4 years. I still think he's has the potential to be a
wonderful person (somewhere deep down), but he won't take responsibility
for anything. During our most recent 3 month break-up, he slept with
another woman. He called me to get back together ("I love you,
want to be with you forever, etc."), but when I got upset about him
sleeping with someone, he managed to turn everything into my fault
and said every hateful thing he could think of. (*I* made him upset
and angry because I'd started a fight and now he didn't want to date me
anymore!!) !! So much for the marriage
promises he'd made 3 hours earlier. I feel pretty sure that he'll
come back at some point (his last note said something about "maybe in
several years when we both grow up", so I feel like he's not written
me off completely), and I'm trying to decide how to handle things at that
point. Yuk, yuk, ugh! Do yourself a favor and steer
clear! I'm not sure that even if he gets counseling, I can ever
forgive him - or even if I should! Counseling
is no guarantee of cure!
Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for taking this time to explain, in very
clear terms, what happens in such a relationship and how things got to
where they are - and how to start to get myself out of where I am now!
(I am getting professional counseling.) Good!
Thank you for the
kind words... Good luck to you! Regards, Dr.