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(Archives)

4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Doc@DrIrene.com

Even More Thanks

Even More Thanks

 
From: Annette
Sent: Friday, October 15, 1999 4:21 PM
Subject: Thanks for your site

Dr. Irene:

I just wanted to thank you for putting your site together.  I first "discovered" that I was in a
verbally abusive relationship almost 2 years ago.  I began individual therapy about 18 months ago.  I am still trying to make my marriage work.

When I first realized my situation I searched the internet high and low for a website, e-mail support list or chat room that addressed this problem.  I couldn't find one.  The best I could find was co-dependent support, but nothing that specifically addressed the verbal abuser/co-dependent relationship. I felt so alone and overwhelmed.  I don't know how long your site has been here, but if it was here 2 years ago, all the search engines missed it!   I am SO glad to have found it.  I have been on the Yeouchhh list for several weeks now.  I find it much more helpful than the co-dependence e-mail support list I have been on.

There are several reasons I feel this list is so much better for me than the general co-dependence recovery support group I have been on.  Since my husband is neither an addict nor a physical abuser, it is easy for me to feel both "unworthy" and "more fortunate". By "unworthy", I mean that I feel silly complaining about mean words when other folks in the group are dealing with an alcoholic or a compulsive gambler.  By "more fortunate" I mean that I am physically and financially "safe" while others are in bankruptcy because their partner gambled, drank, or snorted everything away.  These same factors prevented me from joining support groups for physical abuse.  I want to emphasize that the other folks on the co-dependency list were supportive--I guess THEY could see that I had an equally difficult situation.  It is me.  My biggest problem is teaching myself that I deserve a better life.  (And that I am NOT really physically or financially safe.)  Simply put--Yeouchhh subscribers are in the EXACT same situation as me.  There is no way I can deny my pain or think that my situation "isn't as bad as his/hers".   Other Yeouchhh subscribers describe situations that mirror my own so clearly that I am forced to face reality.  No hiding from the truth.

I believe that I will make more rapid progress in my recovery now that I have this resource.  Thank you so much!  Annette

Dear Annette,
 
Thank you so much!
 
The site did not go up until March 1, 1999 and did not become a verbal abuse site (it was a codependence, various types of addiction site) until reader email led me to change it sometime in the Spring or early Summer.
 
My very best wishes,
 
Dr. Irene


 

Sent: Monday, September 20, 1999 12:08 PM
Subject: Remember?
 
I don't know if you remember me but I wrote to you asking for credentials and I told you that my BF (EX!!!!!) thought you were a quack.  I no longer need those credentials!!  I know now that I was being silly and I have a new motto and allot of this has to do with stumbling upon your site!  I want to thank you again and again!  I also want you to know that you have made a difference for a lost little girl that didn't know!  Now I know and I'm better because of it!  Thank you so much for caring!  New motto:
 Stop accepting
Start expecting
No regrets
 
Thank you thank you thank you!
 
Sincerely,  
(the new and improved NOT emotionally abused) Amy :) 
 
Thank you!
Dear Amy,
 
Glad you figured that one out all your lonesome! Feels good to take your power, no? By the way, my credentials have always been on the site: http://www.drirene.com/resume.php
 
Best wishes, Dr. Irene

 

Well, you rock all the same and YES it DOES feel good!!  He moved out last night.  It's finally over! Amy 

 

From: Bonnie

Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 1999 2:55 PM
Subject: Just wanted to say "Thanks"

Dr Irene,
I just wanted to write and say thanks.  I am fresh out of an emotionally abusive relationship and I have found your site to be amazingly informative - both about what I cannot control (whether he decides to help himself learn new behaviors and whether he decides to re-enter my life) and what I can control (how to not be a victim and whether I will even let him re-enter my life).  Wish I could force my ex-boyfriend to read it, for his own sake, (oops, here we go with the control issue again!), but I can't make that happen. Right.

We dated for 4 years.  I still think he's has the potential to be a wonderful person (somewhere deep down), but he won't take responsibility for anything.  During our most recent 3 month break-up, he slept with another woman.  He called me to get back together ("I love you, want to be with you forever, etc."), but when I got upset about him sleeping with someone,  he managed to turn everything into my fault and said every hateful thing he could think of.  (*I* made him upset and angry because I'd started a fight and now he didn't want to date me anymore!!) !! So much for the marriage promises he'd made 3 hours earlier.  I feel pretty sure that he'll come back at some point (his last note said something about "maybe in several years when we both grow up", so I feel like he's not written me off completely), and I'm trying to decide how to handle things at that point. Yuk, yuk, ugh! Do yourself a favor and steer clear! I'm not sure that even if he gets counseling, I can ever forgive him - or even if I should!  Counseling is no guarantee of cure! 

Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for taking this time to explain, in very clear terms, what happens in such a relationship and how things got to where they are - and how to start to get myself out of where I am now!  (I am getting professional counseling.) Good!

Thanks again.
Bonnie
 

Dear Bonnie,

 
Thank you for the kind words...   Good luck to you!    Regards, Dr. Irene