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Poem

Poem: Epitaph to a Soulmate

by N.R.

March 7, 2006
This is an email I received earlier this week. I found N's poetry touching and thought you might appreciate it as well. Dear N, Thank YOU, and God bless. Dr. Irene

First I wanted to thank you for the extreme amount of help you have given me by providing all the readables you have. This has been a true blessing for me and helped me to work through a lot of my codependency, although I still have a lot more to work on.

I am sending this very short story/writing about the mental burial of the image of who I try to bring out in my husband  during my codependent times and his abusive times which causes me to plead to him and carry on my part in the abuse cycle.  I had to actually do an epitaph to what I wanted from him in order to go on in my life so I did just that.

Thanks, N. R.

Epitaph to a Soul Mate

Here lies the man I used to love, a man who wrote sweet nothings of promises of happiness. A man of truly beautiful an genuine love. He died some time ago, yet I was not told, I was denied of this information.

I loved the way he grasped on every moment of a word I would speak. I loved his romantic ways of selflessness and giving, his true admiration of me and who I was.

Yet now I am left with no one to share my moments with, I am at a loss of how to speak of my deepest most inner thoughts. I relied on this soul mate too much and often question, "what was his death?" I tend to wonder, "what did I do? Could I have stopped this death? Did I contribute to this death?" But I know that nothing could have stopped it, when someone is in such deep pain.

Perhaps he was dying all along, I finally question in my last bleak moment of false hope that somehow he is still alive and this is when I recognize that he really did leave me.

I can no longer hope as I used to of a long ago dream of rolling fields of grass upon the earth as the sunlit sky penetrates each individual blade of grass. The sun will not set on a wish of blue birds flying upon a serene tree in the distance.

My dreams sometimes must be unanswered when I am left with a need for someone else to fulfill me.

Can this death than be a new birth of me?

Can I yet again dream of promises of sunlit skies realizing all it truly takes is me?

Shall I forgive the man how failed to admit of my soul mate's death? Walking with him in realization of his humanity.

Where my dreams can still prosper yet only where they belong, inside of me and through God.

Death to a fantasy of who he really was, to now realize the man I loved is not who I thought.