|March 7, 2006
|This is an email I received
earlier this week. I found N's poetry touching and thought you
might appreciate it as well. Dear N, Thank YOU, and God bless.
I wanted to thank you for the extreme amount of help you have given me
by providing all the readables you have. This has been a true blessing
for me and helped me to work through a lot of my codependency, although
I still have a lot more to work on.
I am sending this very short story/writing about the mental burial of
the image of who I try to bring out in my husband during my codependent
times and his abusive times which causes me to plead to him and carry on
my part in the abuse cycle. I had to actually do an epitaph to what I
wanted from him in order to go on in my life so I did just that.
Thanks, N. R.
Epitaph to a Soul Mate
Here lies the man I
used to love, a man who wrote sweet nothings of promises of happiness. A
man of truly beautiful an genuine love. He died some time ago, yet I was
not told, I was denied of this information.
I loved the way he
grasped on every moment of a word I would speak. I loved his romantic
ways of selflessness and giving, his true admiration of me and who I
Yet now I am left with
no one to share my moments with, I am at a loss of how to speak of my
deepest most inner thoughts. I relied on this soul mate too much and
often question, "what was his death?" I tend to wonder, "what did I do?
Could I have stopped this death? Did I contribute to this death?" But I
know that nothing could have stopped it, when someone is in such deep
Perhaps he was dying
all along, I finally question in my last bleak moment of false hope that
somehow he is still alive and this is when I recognize that he really
did leave me.
I can no longer hope as
I used to of a long ago dream of rolling fields of grass upon the earth
as the sunlit sky penetrates each individual blade of grass. The sun
will not set on a wish of blue birds flying upon a serene tree in the
My dreams sometimes
must be unanswered when I am left with a need for someone else to
Can this death than be
a new birth of me?
Can I yet again dream
of promises of sunlit skies realizing all it truly takes is me?
Shall I forgive the man
how failed to admit of my soul mate's death? Walking with him in
realization of his humanity.
Where my dreams can
still prosper yet only where they belong, inside of me and through God.
Death to a fantasy
of who he really was, to now realize the man I loved is not who I