To: <deardrirene@drirene.com>
Sent: Saturday, April 10, 1999
Dear Dr. Irene,
I am grateful for your site as I have been struggling with my being codependent with my
boyfriend who was (is) a drug user for almost 6 years now. He was just released from
a drug program in the state prison system 2 weeks ago. I took care of all of his
affairs while he was gone and visited him every weekend, sent money, packages, etc.
Before he was arrested, it had gotten extremely bad with him. I had restraining
orders against him and had called the police several times because of his abuse towards
me. I could write volumes of the things that he said and did to me. I was at
the lowest point in my life and ended up in the hospital with a breakdown. But, for
some reason, I still, inside of me, loved him. Then when he went to
this rehab, I honestly believed that he had made the choice to change his life. It
seemed that he had finally gotten to the point where he didn't want to live like that
anymore. We also had decided that if we could still love each other after all we had
been through, that it had to be a special kind of love. We had planned to get
married next Saturday. But, 2 days after he came home, he started making me feel like I
wasn't good
enough again. My children and I were supposed to change our way of life because he
was here now. It was little things, but he made me feel like I couldn't do anything
right. And of course I was supposed to understand that it would take time for him to
adjust to being free. I tried to be understanding, but I don't want to feel this
way.
I have a good job as a bookkeeper and make decent
wages. I have a nice apartment for my children and myself and feel good about my
life except when he comes into the picture. Why is it that I can function in other
areas of my life but seem to fall apart because he criticizes me? I am so confused,
not to mention disappointed and hurt that the same behavior has started again. I do
know enough not to marry him now. The problems will only get worse. I have
asked him to move out, but I know that it will be a battle. He has been gone for 2
days now with no word from him. My suspicion is that he is with his friends and
using again. I really need help as I am afraid of what he might do. He has
proven in the past that he is capable of some very vile acts.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to me,
Sandy
Get a restraining order, put his
things on the front stoop while he's gone, and change the locks. Then call your local
women's shelter for a therapist referral. If you can't do this for yourself, do it
for your children.
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