| August
10, 2000
Dear Dr. Irene,
Please don't use my real name, ok?
I just read the interactive story about Covert
Abuse. Thank you sooooo much. Even though my therapists (yes,
multiple over a dozen years of hell) agreed that I was in a difficult
marriage (understatement of the year), I was in the dark about verbal and
emotional abuse until just about a month before I left my nearly 20 year
marriage. When someone finally listened to me and pointed out my
husband's abusive behavior, I knew that I could never get through to him
and left.
However, there are still times when I wonder, "Was it all in my
head"?. Your list of covert abuse behaviors is my soon-to-be-ex
in a nutshell. Add in controlling, isolating, minimizing and
withdrawing just for good measure. Yuk!
No one saw the "at home" person, except me. I'll never
again doubt my own perceptions. It'll take some more time to get
over nearly 20 years of being diminished, but I am beginning to believe
that I will be able to function in the real world someday. I am
growing less fearful, less confused, less "crazy" as each day
passes. I may always need medication (antidepressant, anti-anxiety)
but at least I'm not trying to "get better" in the very
situation that drove me crazy in the first place. Yippeee!
To think it took me this long to figure out that it wasn't all my fault.
I am a very quiet person; I don't have a lot of needs. But I know
now that respect is more than something I want; respect is something I
will insist on receiving, first of all from myself.
Thank you again for posting the covert abuse behaviors. I needed
that ego boost today!
Dear NoName,
I'm so glad the site helps you. Thank you
for letting me know. It feels really good.
I would never publish a name or email
address without express or written permission from the writer.
Almost all names you see are fake.
You are on track now!
My warmest wishes to you - and to SK, who
contributed the bulk of the article.
, Dr. Irene
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