Wednesday, November 24, 1999 1:50 PM
Subject: verbal abuse
I've been married for 10 years
and took several of those ten to finally get the courage to leave/divorce
my husband. I was looking over the list of signs
of verbal abuse and nearly 90% was "yes".
When someone verbally and
emotionally abuses you, you begin to believe negatively. Your
self-esteem begins to go down. For the longest time, I felt "Who
would ever want me?". We tried to work things out time after
time. I told him several times things had to change. He would change
for a few months, but later he would go back to
the verbal abuse. I was often criticized, humiliated in front of
others, treated with no respect, no attention. He was unfaithful,
but yet denied it.
I continued to believe things
would get better. It seemed in time they did, or maybe I just wanted
to see it that way. We had our second child in 1997. During my pregnancy,
he wanted nothing to do with our child. He said harsh things that I could
never forget. I kept living a lie, thinking I really loved him.
I did love him, but after time instead of bridges being built, walls were
built - and I developed resentment.
My decision came one
day about a month ago. We were about to have sex and he treated me with no
respect, telling me to get my f****** clothes off. That was the
straw that broke the camel's back. At that point, I knew I was much
more worthy than that!
I had been working at a great
workplace where moral was high, the people were great and treated me with
respect. It took approximately three years to build my self-esteem
and feel like I was someone special - and not just a door mat.
I just wanted to let others know
out there that no one deserves to be treated like this. I really
believe in order to love and respect someone, you have to love and respect
yourself first. I should have done this years ago, but it was
too hard. So for those that are saying it's too hard to leave...I
know. It took me years to find the courage and strength.
But it's a mountain I have to climb, I'm nearly at the top. I know once I
get to the top, things will be more clear and beautiful.
Signed, Coming Back.
you for sharing your experience. Thank you for letting readers know how a
healing environment, where you were treated with the respect you
intrinsically deserve, helped you to recognize your inherent self-worth.
You know you're on the right path when, despite the fear you must face and
overcome, it feels good inside!
My very best wishes, -Dr. Irene