4 replies to this topic

[PrudenceB]

Am i as superficail as narc?

I was re reading the list I posted here of the "bad stuff".

And I thought - what the heck do I think I love about this guy?

The way he walks- he is floppy. He has hyper mobile joints and it's a really unusual walk- it's like a puppy - floppy and determined.

his smarts

his sense of humor

what it felt like to be loved...

that he uses a measuring cup to portion out his cerial

that he does take some initiative - when he got to AA he really "went for it" he was at the library reading, studying, he trades comodoties from home (does not make money) and takes a class- he is disciplined with his time

his focus - he's dyslexic, like me, and he got an MBA - he reads voraciousluy and has a good analytical mind (or maybe it's actually paranoia)

At the time I thought he had a heart- a really big one-

so without that big heart- what does any of the other stuff mean? Nothing. So what the hell am I doing?

I think I need the guy to just get out of here and move already.


Am I crazy or was I just confused because I could see pain in him and saw the "potential" for a heart, that really isn't there, or am I a superfical wierdo?

But what superficial person goes for a guy with no job, jail time, not so great looking,...I think I am insane...or have the lowest standards possible for a superficial person...

help.

[SteffieB]

I've been trying to figure out how to say W.T.F in an eloquent fashion to the very idea that you could be compared to Narc when it comes to being superficial, but I've failed, lol. NO, you are not "as superficial as Narc". Who on earth doesn't adore surface things about the person they love? And believing that he had a big heart isn't superficial. You loved who he claimed and pretended to be. Love isn't rational in the first place. I mean, do I think that I care about the guy I'm dating now because he has this confident way of driving that just makes him look cool behind the wheel? Of course not. He could drive like a doofus and I'd still adore him. I don't even care about how someone drives in general, but I think it's just all kinds of hot to sit in the passenger seat and watch him drive. That's such a silly little thing, but it's on my list of things about him that appeal to me. So Narc has an adorable floppy walk and you appreciated that...that means nothing whatsoever. Yes, I would think that seeing pain in him appealed to a part of you that wasn't all that healthy (the "I can fix that" thing, maybe), but it was also a very caring and human reaction to seeing pain in another. If there was nothing appealing about Narc, no one would have ever fallen for him.

[PrudenceB]

thank you Steffie-

I was having a moment there-

[Kris]

Yep, I can't say it any better than SteffieB did!!

[PrudenceB]

thanks you for the affirmation...

wow I am totally crazy.