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Revisiting the "Removal of the Rings" topic


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#1 Coconut_007

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 08:40 PM

I had a question about this awhile back; about when to remove wedding ring when divorcing H. Well, I did it today. I really thought that I would leave it on until I was divorced, but I noticed H is not wearing his (of course he is already dating and spending nights with other women - good for me) so I decided I am not wearing my rings anymore. It felt very freeing. However, now I must make sure that STBX does not find my rings and take them or destroy them.

He is now taking things and throwing my things away. So, whenever I can't find something, I automatically assume that he took it. He bent up my sunglasses and threw them away, he threw away two hand held mirrors (one is the only thing I have that was my Granny's). Who knows what else he has taken that I don't know about.

I haven't been on here in awhile. I have read posts, but haven't posted anything lately. I start to feel like I am only here when I feel low. Things have really been going pretty well for me. I am almost done with school, I am doing my internship and the possibility of a job at the site is looking good. The down part is that we are probably going to lose the properties to foreclosure and that will mean a bad credit report after the divorce is final.

D19 is moving out very soon. I will miss her, but I know she needs to do this for herself and to grow. She knows that she can always come home (wherever home may be).

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#2 DawnC

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 09:05 PM

I'm sorry he took your Granny's mirror. If you have anything else at all that means something to you or that has value that belongs to you, please get it to a secure location. A friend, a locker somewhere, a lockbox at the bank...because he WILL escalate. He has no right to take or damage your things. What does your lawyer say about this? Can you go around the house and take photos of everything? Make a list? I stored my jewelry with my parents because they have a box at the bank. I was worried he'd pawn or gamble away my things. Don't own much of value, but my diamond engagement IS valuable.

Hang in there...I'm glad you're starting to feel a little better...

#3 Coconut_007

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 09:20 PM

Good news he took Granny's mirror, but I dug through the trash and found my broken sunglasses and both mirrors that he threw out. I did get a cheap video camera and film the stuff that is there. I am going to have my mom put my jewelry in her deposit box at the bank for me, too. My attorney just says that he is going to do anything to upset me. There really aren't too many things that matter around the house. Although, H now realizes that he can't get a rise out of me by damaging the house (hole in wall, 4 doors with holes in them) he now says, "I am going to figure out what you care the most about and I am going to destroy it." This statement bothers me. I will not let him know what I care about.

He is SICK!!!

#4 DawnC

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 09:51 PM

Oh, yay! I'm glad you found it. And...shudder...his statement gives me the creeps! Don't you have pets? I thought I remembered you having pets....

#5 PrudenceB

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Posted 08 July 2012 - 10:33 PM

coco-

I am so sorry.

Can you take what you need to and stay elsewhere?

This sounds scary. Are things escalating?

i'm concerned.

hugs

P

#6 Coconut_007

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Posted 09 July 2012 - 05:20 PM

DawnC,
Yes, I do have pets. Thanks Prudence. I can probably take my stuff and go to my Mom's house. I have hesitated doing that because I didn't want him to get the house. I guess now that doesn't matter - neither one of us will probably get the house. I also wanted to keep things as normal as possible for S11. I do think things are escalating - but I just think getting a CPO would make things even worse.

He thinks I have a boyfriend, because I will leave the house for hours at a time (I go to my brother's or to my Mom's house or just drive around). I tell hime there is no boyfriend when he asks about it, but I think I am just going to let him think that from now on. He can be away for days and I know he has has woman "friends" spend the night with him and the great thing is - I see this as a good thing. He isn't bothering me and the sooner he finds someone else the better for me.

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#7 Coconut_007

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Posted 09 July 2012 - 05:49 PM

Adding this, I see that my STBX has joined the ChristianMingle dating site. Very interesting. He thinks that all of the things he says makes him a Christian. Those poor Christian women out there. Beware any of you out there that may have joined this site for my STBX lurking in the mix.

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#8 cocomama

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Posted 09 July 2012 - 07:25 PM

OMG yes I'm sure that the women on Christian Mingle do beware. I'm sorry you are having to go throught this.

#9 Beyond

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Posted 13 July 2012 - 05:13 AM

My STBX removed his wedding ring years ago. He said it was too small for him, which was a lie. So I removed mine. Neither of us has worn rings for the last 5 or so years. Soon he will be leaving. W00T!

#10 MomfromMN

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Posted 15 July 2012 - 10:38 AM

Coconut,

I'm sorry you're stbx is acting that way. I hope you're doing ok and are able to preserve and protect your possessions and pets.

My stbx has ruined 3 of my cake pans by putting them in the dishwasher on 2 occasions. They're not DW safe so they turn a weird color. In hind sight I believe he did it out of anger but I can't prove anything. When I asked him about it initially he acted like he didn't know they weren't DW safe even though I had told him that they weren't.

Cake pans are no big deal compared to your granny's mirror but it's the thought process behind it and it's disturbing regardless.

Just thought I would chime in about the ring question as well. I took my ring off a year ago March. When stbx realized that I stopped wearing mine he asked why I took it off. It was a little tight so I lied and said it was too tight too wear even though the primary reason was because I was "done." Then he evetually took his ring off and put it on his night stand. I was serious and wasn't just trying to play mind games. He was trying to get my goat. Then In January when i said I wanted a D he was trying to "get me to take him back" and started wearing his ring again. Eventually he took it off when he realized it was over.

Now the question is, what do you do with the ring? My bff said I should take the diamonds out of it and have a necklace made for each of my girls. That's an idea!

Good luck to you and your kids!

(((Prayers & Hugs)))




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