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Off-topic, but sort of relevant thoughts sparked by a random YouTube video


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#1 Caitlin

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 05:22 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJC1f7UAHNg
How do I embed a video on this new-fangled internet thing?!

Okay so it is way too late for a mommy like me to be awake, but it's summa time.
This video made me really emotional on many levels. It's definitely anti-abortion, which I am not encouraging or pushing in any way so please keep that in mind. I don't think politics are appropriate on these boards, but some of the things this girl says in this video are EXACTLY how I was thinking and feeling at the beginning of my pregnancy and of course after my son was born. (Just to be clear: despite the title of this video, I am NOT pushing a political message either way. My post is in regards to some of her inspirational sentiments.)

And I am feeling like I am very slowly moving into the anger stage with my ex, who was one person who pressured me into abortion once the relationship started to go sour.

A very, very close friend of mine also pressured me in to abortion and went around to other close friends, ranting to them about why I wasn't getting one and how I am too young to be a mom and it's not the right time for me.

I have since moved past that for the sake of our friendship, but I was SLAMMED with a huge wall of anger at these two people after the emotions this video brought up for me. I can't bring this up to my friend because it is something that I take so very seriously it would very much jeopardize our friendship.

But this is inspiring lots of new anger towards my son's dad. Actually, in a way I am kind of looking forward to it. I have been waiting for the anger stage.

In any case, this video was very emotional for me because it describes perfectly what I think and feel about unexpected motherhood, and it made me MOST OF ALL incredibly grateful for my amazing friends and family who believed in the life of my child, and in me. Life is good, even though a lot of this post sounded negative. I just wrote a long letter to three of my very close friends because they needed to know how much I love them :)

#2 lionheart

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Posted 03 July 2012 - 09:55 AM

some of the things this girl says in this video are EXACTLY how I was thinking and feeling at the beginning of my pregnancy and of course after my son was born.

And I am feeling like I am very slowly moving into the anger stage with my ex, who was one person who pressured me into abortion once the relationship started to go sour.

A very, very close friend of mine also pressured me in to abortion and went around to other close friends, ranting to them about why I wasn't getting one and how I am too young to be a mom and it's not the right time for me.

I have since moved past that for the sake of our friendship, but I was SLAMMED with a huge wall of anger at these two people after the emotions this video brought up for me. I can't bring this up to my friend because it is something that I take so very seriously it would very much jeopardize our friendship.

But this is inspiring lots of new anger towards my son's dad. Actually, in a way I am kind of looking forward to it. I have been waiting for the anger stage.


I think feeling anger about what you experienced with the father of your child, and anger at your friends for the behavior of theirs you describe, is perfectly understandable and normal. In fact, if it were me in your shoes I'm pretty sure I would have been FURIOUS! :diablo:

The question is what to do with that anger. Stuffing it is not I think the best answer.

Coming to terms with the anger, understanding exactly WHY you are angry, and ultimately expressing the anger may help you:
- understand yourself better (define better for yourself who you are and what your values are), and
- possibly resolve the cognitive dissonance you may be feeling because your actions aren't matching up with your feelings (be true to yourself both with yourself and others).

Of course it's important to express your anger in the appropriate direction and hopefully in a constructive vs. destructive manner. But, for example, if you let your friend(s) who behaved so abominably toward you know how you felt/feel about their behavior in the long run it might actually deepen and strengthen your relationship. Alternatively, if your friend(s) can't handle or cope with or accept your feelings in the matter then maybe it would be time to re-evaluate whether those people are really true friends and worthy of your time and effort.

The book Kris often mentions, The Dance Of Anger, by Harriet Lerner PhD, is an excellent source on this topic (shout out to Kris for that ).

:wub:




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